to think that friends should'nt make negative comments about my kid......

[needsomeonetotalkto]

My DS is 4 - he is very livley but not naughty!(They all have their moments!)

I was having a coffee with a friend today when she said that my DS reminded her of another kid we know (she is always complaining about his behaviour) and that my DS needs to calm down before starting school.

AIBU to think that this is nasty or that it was a joke?

Mean old cow...... ignore her, what does she know. and find some friends who appreciate lively, sparky, dc's

Thank you Inghoul I am wondering if I can carry on the friendship now?

I agree. Its always parents with passive (boring) kids who smugly say this sort of thing. Hang out with people who appreciate your kids for who they are.

Is she childless?

Even if she thought it, she should have bitten her tongue. I wouldn't feel comfortable having someone like that as a friend.

parents of naughty children often say that they're "just lively" as the little brats swing from the curtains. . I'm sorry to say that other people may not find your child's "livelyness" as endearing as you do.

overmydeadbody

No - her kids are very quiet in public. My DS is very LOUD in public.

People in glass houses should`nt throw stones

Your friend sounds like she is going to learn the hard way

Parents of 'not' lively kids never appreciate it. I have been there many times. Its not good for your self esteem to hang out with these people. Your kids are wired that way. Its hard work managing them. You don't need to be undermined by implications that there is something 'wrong' with them. Labelling them as 'lively' is just fine I reckon.

Wannabe - totally know what you're saying, however my DS is not anymore naughty than the average 4 year old - he just sticks out because he is loud! TBH - she has behavourial issues with her DD behind closed doors, which are far worse than the behaviour my DS displays.

but some kids are naughty. And some parents don't control their children. And given this is a first-time poster ...

How lively though? It does annoy me when people say oh Jak's a bit lively when he's throwing, fighting, being a pita etc at an age where they should know/understand that they need to calm down also agree lively children do need to learn to calm down before starting school

Wannabe.. I haven't much liked some of the behaviour of my friends dc's over the years but I would never dream of saying anything....unless it was seriously dangerous or harmful ad even then I'd do it nicely...
I bet she's got girls.....

My 3 and a half year old is also very 'lively' in private and public although I prefer to call him 'willfull' (and other things under my breath).
Ignore your friend, i've always thought its much more 'normal' of a child of that age to be boisterous.

And I get the feeling she may have underlying issues with the comparison between my 2 and her 2!

x post....of course she's got girls

Calm down. It's not like she said your child was the spawn of the devil.

TBH, if someone said that about either DS2 or DD I would agree with them wholeheartedly and neither of them are "naughty".

I think it's hard to get away from the fact that other people will judge your kids - and sometimes, unfortunately, let their views be known. My dd is best friends with a little boy who is always trying to wallop her. I know damn well that his mum thinks dd is a whining wimp - and she doubtless is aware that I think her son is a little thug. Things have been said - and I've chosen to take a deep breath, accept that there is no way we will ever have a calm, objective conversation about this, and change the subject to something more pleasant.

If your child is 'lively' you will get people disapproving. A lot of people have very low tolerance of bouncy children. You'll have to decide how many friends you are prepared to lose in defence of his honour! Seriously, I wouldn't keep a friend who repeatedly badmouthed my child, but I wouldn't dump someone over one comment.

maybe I am too tactless at times, but that sounds like a fairly innocent but honest comment to me.

would fret about it........if your DS has not started school yet, he has time to 'calm down' if he does need to, or to perfect his loudness when in her company!

Yes, just ask her what the magic solution is to get them to behave, I for one would love to know!

I WOULDN'T fret about it......

but the friend was hardly nasty was she? she just said he would have to calm down when he starts school, which he will.

And now op is being nasty about the friend's children on this thread so pots and kettles me thinks.

I don't know. I have a friend with a gorgeously lively and physical little toddler. Makes me a bit when she (and another in group) refer to him as naughty. I mean, I am not saying don't try and manage his behaviour but he is very sweet (and good)when given some positive attention!!

Twims

I totally get the whole - some children are naughty and need to be took in hand. But.... tell me if you disagree - a child who talks to his peer at nursery, sings loudly at show time, interacts with confidence with the staff, runs around the yard while waiting to go into nursery is NOT naughty. MY DS rarley gets into fights (well except for at home with his sister and would be in big trouble if her threw things!

Mmm... a loud 4 year old can actually be naughty/ badly behaved etc. And a child who interacts with confidence with staff, sings loudly, runs around while waiting to go in may be a normal, happy, energetic 4 year old... or an attention seeking, ill disciplined potential bully who doesn't respect other people..