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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hacked off that childminder didn't want DD today

53 replies

Mij · 22/10/2008 15:11

Well, I think I am in part, but not completely.

DD had slightly dodgy bowels yesterday, but not diahorrea (ie no urgency, just very splattery and went 3 times in a day when she normally goes less than once a day), and was very, very slightly sick in the night - she may have even coughed herself sick rather than spontaneously barffed, not sure.

She was a little tired this morning but showed no other signs of poorliness, bowels seemed back to normal, everything seemed fine.

I had to speak to the childminder this morning as we were going a bit late and might have had to drop her at a playgroup instead of at her house. Stupidly I mentioned that she was under the weather, and CM said 'better stay on the safe side, as the other two children are going on holiday'.

Now, I work part time, am losing a day's work this week anyway as DP is away and he has her one of my days, and I'm massively backed up at work (which is a big deal as I'm the manager of, well, everything). If I thought DD had something she could pass on, I wouldn't have hesitated to keep her home.

But to be asked to keep her away because of the other kids? This childminder is usually quite rational about illness - colds and coughs, no problem, unidentified spots only after GP has checked, obviously rampant diseases, stay away. All find and sensible as far as I'm concerned.

The reason I'm feeling hard done by is that she'd be taking the other two to playgroup where they could pick up anything anyway, and it seems a bit weird to protect them from something that wasn't obviously a bug anyway, and that looked like it was over in less than 12 hours. Kids go to her with streaming colds and hacking coughs, and surely that would spoil someone's holiday more than a 12 hr bug?

Also - I know the other parents haven't ever shown us the same consideration.

It just seems a bit of an overreaction on the CMs part. I accept that I'm a bit nonchalent about germs, but the other two kids are older than DD (who is 2.25) and pretty robust, it's not like there were tiny babies around to catch anything.

I do appreciate this may sound selfish, but it's the inconsistency that is bugging me, rather than the action itself I think.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 22/10/2008 16:12

yes you ARE being unreasonable

D&V is 24 hour exclusion

MaryBS · 22/10/2008 16:13

Eating something slightly dodgy CAN result in a communicable D&V - salmonella for instance. Childminder did the right thing, although I do have sympathy for your situation re: work.

ThingOne · 22/10/2008 16:19

Yep, YABU. She should have given you, or shown you, her list of exclusion times for illnesses when you started using her. I was told 48 hours.

compo · 22/10/2008 16:37

so your child had loose bowels one day, was sick in the night and was tireder than normal the next day and you wanted to send her to someone else to look after - I know it's tough being a working parent but still that's what you've signed up for

mawbroon · 22/10/2008 16:55

My D&V policy is not to take child until 48 hrs after last bout as long as they are back to eating normally. So I wouldn't have taken your dd either.

So YABU IMO

Cheesesarnie · 22/10/2008 16:58

48 hours here for cm ,nursery and school.
yabu.cm was being very fair i think.

abbierhodes · 22/10/2008 17:06

Compo, that's a bit harsh. Most kids who go to good childminders have an excellent relationship with them, and are happy to be looked after by them even if they are a little under the weather! Which is all the OPs child was really. Not seriously ill.

(I do however, think that the CM was right to consider the other kids in case the D+V was contagious. )

Turniphead1 · 22/10/2008 17:09

YABU. It just didn't suit you for her to be sick. I know it's a pain, but...

Notalone · 22/10/2008 17:16

YABVU - your dd had D & V and you would still be happy for her to pass it onto others who may not have such a "slight" strain as she did. The other children are going on holiday and you would still send her knowing she is likely to pass it on and ruin their holiday. I would be fuming if I was the parent of the other 2 kids.

I (and plenty of others - see the other thread with more than 1000 posts under mental health) suffer from emetaphobia which is a serious phobia of vomiting. It is people like you who make everything so much worse when you send your ill kids into school.

I understand you need to work but you can't possibly think it is ok to send an ill child to pass bugs onto others. That is incredibly selfish.

colacubes · 22/10/2008 17:28

Sorry Mij, YABU! She may be okish to knock around at home, but if other children are there and going away the cm is right, more at stake than a day at the cm, they cant have their hols ruined not fair. Sorry...

Original poster
Mij · 24/10/2008 21:19

Enough already! I'm fairly sure I threw in the towel several posts ago.

Of course IABU. That'll teach me to fire off a thread when I'm wound up.

The reason I was so stressed about it was because I'd promised to pay several people (some with cash flow problems) that day, and because I work just 2.5 days a week and the CMs 48hr exclusion rule meant I couldn't work the next day either, that meant them waiting another week. I hate breaking my word or letting people down. And no, no-one else could do it - there are 3 people in my organisation, and I'm the only one who can add up, let alone do accounts. Any other week, it wouldn't have felt nearly such a big deal.

Having said that:

NotAlone - I'm sorry to hear you have emetaphobia, but you seem to have missed the fact that I DIDN'T send her to the CM, I was only considering it because I really didn't think it was something infectious. Of course I wouldn't have been 'happy' for her to pass anything on. I kept DD away from the CM when she had conjunctivitis at Christmas, because I thought it would be selfish to risk passing it on, even though there's no 'official' exclusion time for it. To blame 'people like me' for making 'everything' so much worse seems an overreaction - and I mean that without intending to trivialise your condition, I just mean that it's something of a sweeping statement.

And, btw, every single other child DD attends CM with has been sent with at least one communicable illness with the parents knowledge, or at least suspicion, that they were ill. Which added to my disgruntlement, however unreasonable.

Compo - abbierhodes is right in her defence, DD adores CM and I wouldn't have even considered sending her if she had been clingy or unhappy. She was really very perky on Wednesday morning, hence part of my feeling that it wasn't a 'real' bug.

MaryBS - that's interesting about salmonella, I didn't know that. If it was a D&V bug, I've never experienced one like it (but then DD has only had 2) because she had no recurrence of D or V, wasn't off her food at all (and that's usually her first sign of even a slight sniffle on its way) and, despite being a little tired (as she'd had a disturbed night, presumably) was her normal self. And I haven't had any symptoms either. I usually get at least a hint of whatever she's got.

Still - I defend my right to have unreasonable thoughts and mouth off on MN. It's what it's here for, right?

OP posts:
Bloodandchatkins · 24/10/2008 21:28

Indeed Mij!
I dont think you are B U, considering cm had taken kids ill before, but as a cm, I do stand by 24 hr exculsion for any d and V - merely because it can be mild for one person and extremely violent for another - eg we have had one go around all the children and some of the cms in our group, some have had barely any symtoms, some none, (me ) ans some have been in hospital, and this was with all of us exlcuding our own dc or the mindees for 24 hrs once d and v started. It spreads so easily.
I am happy to take kids with colds and coughs so long as they are not miserable with it. I have had them with chickenpox but only if parents wanted them to catch it!
Don't worry, I can see the point you were making, but I guess rules are rules!

LynetteScavo · 24/10/2008 21:33

So Mij has learned the lesson of working mums, and will now keep quiet when her DD has mild D&V.

alicet · 24/10/2008 21:34

And going on from what has been said on here to protect your child from coughs and colds (even though they can be quite unsettled and unwell with them) would mean never taking your child out of a bubble. Certainly can't expect them to be in the company of other children (or anyone actually) and not pick them up. Be thankful she is happy to take children with colds or you would never get any work done!

And if sorting out the pay is that big a deal go into work this evening when your child is in bed and your dp is home

mytetherisending · 24/10/2008 21:35

www.lbcma.org.uk/newsArticles/exclusion.asp
I suggest you take a look at these public health guidelines that all childminders who are registered through OFSTED have to use to comply with their condition of registration.
yabvu!

mytetherisending · 24/10/2008 21:39

sorry hadn't realised you had thrown in the towel
Vent away and I can understand your frustration. I always felt bad having to say a child couldn't attend because I understood the impact it has, but unfortunately the rules are just that.

Original poster
Mij · 24/10/2008 21:46

alicet - DP away until Monday. Otherwise we could have shared time off work, or I could have worked at the weekend, which is what we've done in the past. As I said, I was ranting when I was in the first throws of frustration. Have calmed down now, picked up payment details from the office and am t'internet banking as I write.

And when did I say I wanted to protect her from coughs and colds? I thought I said quite the opposite - if anything I err on the side of laxity when it comes to my own DD catching stuff.

And Lynette - no I won't, not after the pasting I've just had here

OP posts:
monkeymonkeymonkey · 24/10/2008 22:01

How do you know that she agreed to have children at the infectious stage of slapped cheek?
By the time the rash appears you arent contagious anymore. You are contagious before the rash, but not sure how you would know that is what it is until the rash appears?

Original poster
Mij · 24/10/2008 22:07

monkey - I meant that the parents suspected their DS was 'peaky' and kept quiet, and the CM was the one who actually diagnosed/sent home to be taken to the doc. Having checked the links that PPs posted, it seems there isn't an exclusion period for slapped cheek anyway, so I was misinformed.

It's made me remember that another kid had hand foot and mouth, though...

OP posts:
TheOtherMaryPumpkins · 24/10/2008 22:09

YABU

For all the reasons already mentioned, no point in me repeating.

Original poster
Mij · 24/10/2008 22:14

Yes.

I know.

I was BU.

Is there a clearer way I could say it?

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 24/10/2008 22:24

ah death by AIBU.you post a narky post and die a 1000death as it lingers in active convo's

Original poster
Mij · 24/10/2008 22:28

Is that an extremely subtle way of saying "well stop posting then, Mij"?

I'm new to AIBU. T'will be my first and last foray, I think unless I'm bloody sure IANBU, but where's the fun in that

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 24/10/2008 22:35

Naw just empathising!AIBU is a gladatorial argy bagy kinda place.dust yourself down.smile

jasper · 24/10/2008 23:10

Mij, I like the sound of you!

Come on over for a cofee anytime. Or better still, a glass of wine

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