To want to do something unspeakably horrid to my h

[Prufrock]

Who is not even d today. He's gone off to work (for the second time in as many months) with my keys as well as his. Which means I have no way of getting in the car. I am ill (sinking cold and feverish) and so had to walk to school this am (OK, so, it's only 20 minutes, but it was cold and I'm ill dammit). More importantly I need to take the children swimming this afternoon, and take 4 children to gym club tomorrow afternoon, and go out on Thursday night to do a pre-school staff appraisal, and pick up dog food - none of which are possible without a car.
It also means I have to walk the dogs in the village (I know it sounds ridiculous but I normally drive them a couple of miles so they can have a good run in the woods/by the river)

And what really pisses me off is that he thinks that I have no right to be cross because it was an accident. I know it was an accident, but it was also a bloody stupid thing to do, and saying that there isn't anything you can do about it because you have a busy day doesn't actually help. I know you have 7 meetings booked in, but it wouldn't be that fucking difficult for you to make one simple phone call to your secretary and ask her to arrange a bloody courier to meet you at one of your "meetings" (breakfast at Chez Gerards, coffee at Starbucks, lunch at Coq d'Argent!) and put yourself out minimally so that I can possibly not be totally screwed until you get back late on Thursday. Or even if you could turn your fucking phone on so I can get in touch with you to check exactly where you are going to be at a given time so that I can arrange for a courier to come and pick them up! BUt no, your job is so much more important than any plans I might have made for myself or your children and can't possibly be interrupted at all to fix your fuck up, because it's my job to sort out your messes and just deal with all the crap that happens.

You know what - posts like the last few are the reason I hate Mumsnet at times. I know I'm lucky. I even posted that I am lucky. I accept that even though dh works 80+ hours a week and our family life suffers as a result I am still lucky that he is intelligent enough and had the education to enable him to get such a good job. God forbid that I should in any way feel proud of what we have achieved as a family because it's all down to bloody luck. Therefore I should never ever complain about anything. I shouldn't complain about the fact that I had terrible post nateal depression. I shouldn't complain about the fact that my mother died when I was 2 and my stepmother was a truly terrible parent. I shouldn't even complain about dh being less than perfect and leaving me with no car, because I should think myself lucky to be able to afford a car in the first place.
Money is not the solver of all problems. I fully agree it makes things an awful lot easier, but rich people have crap in their lives too, and used to feel comfortable asking for advice and support with them on here. BUt now it seems that every time someone who is not on the breadline posts they get somebody popping up to tell them to stop complaining. Well I won't, and you can just fuck off and take your righteousness with you. I have never, in 6 years of posting, wantonly insulted anybody on here but now I am, because it's obvious that you don't give a damn about my feelings because I'm not allowed to have any because I'm not poor.

And Elastic - I would walk my dogs in the village, but the only space where they could run free is the field near the park, and in RL and here I am conscious of the fact that people don't like dogs (even well behaved ones like mine who come back immediately when I whistle) being off lead in proximity to children.

You have a right to have a rant Pru, don't worry. They are very annoying at times and the fact that you are poorly makes it seem much worse I'm sure.

My DS is being an utter bastard at the moment and I apologise for the swearing but it is the only word I can come up with. He is constanly lecturing me about the most stupid things and last night it again ended in tears and blows (from both of us). He is much stronger than me though and I have bruised wrists this morning. It started when he got home. Basically it was my fault that the window cleaner had made a shit job and yet again forgot the landing window. I let him off again, which apparently makes me spineless. I am to tell him next time he comes he made a shit job and not to come again. This is after having a particularly bad day (I work from home). The next row was because I told my DS that he would be getting a mattress topper like mine soon as his bed is really hard. DP told me off cause it was supposed to be a surpise. For the next hour he ranted and raves at me for being spineless, a liar etc while I sat and cried. I am really hating my life at the moment. One minute we get on fine and we really do on the good days, next thing it is a row about my DS and the fact that I am to soft with him.

Men are bastards at times. They are thoughtless and unsympathetic. Sorry to hijack the thread a bit, needed to let off steam. But Pru you are entitled to feel angry with him. Big hugs.

Sorry that should mean my DP is being an utter bastard. My DS is a little darling!

Sorry that should say my DP is being an utter bastard. My DS is a little darling!

Sorry you've had such a rotten time of it in so many ways Prufrock but I'm not sure the posts were that bad.

Have to confess I wasn't entirely sure why you made the references to money not being an issue/your "many resources" etc as it didn't seem hugely relevant to the problem. I imagine quite a few DH's work 80 hours a week in a stressful, some for millions, others for relative peanuts.

Don't mean to upset you and am just feeling annoyed today afer yet another encounter with super-smug mummy at school (we're very lucky / we own SO many houses / we're off to Sandy Lane AGAIN for Christmas blah blah blah). Obviously you are not like this but I find it so unnecessary.

choc -my first reference to money was only after a couple of posters had suggested I make him pay (financially) for his cock up, to explain that that wouldn't actually cause him a problem. And tbh money is a little bit of the issue -he does tend to think that because he earns lots of money he should be excused from other things, and that I can use that money to make up for his deficiencies. In some cases (I have a man come in once a month to help me with DIY jobs that I can't do alone because dh has neither the time nor the ability) it works, in many others (I don't want to discuss dd's school problems with an ed psych, I want to discuss them with him) it doesn't. I would tbh be happier with him not having such a high pressured job and being around more, but it wouldn't make him happy. So it annoys me profusely when I get told to be grateful and put up with any crap because I have money, and it's happened more than once on here before.

Daphne - that is not acceptable behaviour you know. Really really not acceptable, and in a totally different league. He's not being thoughtless, he's being abusive, and you shouldn't accept it. Why don't you start a thread in relationships (not that you can't continue to hijack this, but you might get more attention there) because there are many (too many) other women here who have had to deal with men like your dh and will be able to help you. YOu shouldn't have to put up with physical violence (even if you retaliate) or verbal abuse.

Thanks Pru. I know it's not acceptable. I think we need some counselling. Thanks for the support. Hope you are feeling better.

Tie a large pink penis to your keys

This should drive the message home

"Oh darling I didn't realise they were YOU keys" these days will all be over

Sorry Prufrock - understand your point.

I know how hard it can be to shoulder the burden of the home front. I am so envious of my DH being oblivious to the tedium of packed lunches / homework / PE kits.

So with you on that one chocolate.

Tomorrow go out early with the kids and dogs and take his keys as well as your own by mistake

kick him in the manjo

Pru it saddens me that you don't feel like you can post on here with your issues because of the money thing. I am not rich but nor am I poor and I don't think mumsnet should just be made up of people in our income bracket or any particular income bracket. I know you don't post much these days but would be sad if you felt chased away altogether.

PS has DS started school? DD does not start reception until January although her best friend started in September and there are issues.

I'd just go with a pick, sparkly key ring just in case keys dropped out of my handbag as I picked ds up from school or something

However, Pru I thought you might like a tiny bit more agreement - I often drive a couple of miles so that I can take ds and dog for a walk in a country park rather than walking from the door, having to cross A road with no pedestrian crossing, and then walk around a sports field. Its nicer for all three of us. Yes, its not environmentally friendly, but if we were all more environmentally concious, fewer people would be driving so that we would be able to cross the road more easily etc etc etc....

Oh I'll never leave bozza - far too addictive. And I'm too thick skinned to let it really bother me, it's just annoying - and I don't let the assumption that money makes everything easy go unchallenged any more (whilst truly truly hoping that I am never anything other than self-deprecatingly smug) - I do do posh Caribbean hotels chocolate, but only because dBIL has managed various super luxe hotels out there and gets us (and our mates) amazing discounts.

Yes, ds is in reception and loving it. No issues with him at all, though he has caused issues with dd - 6 of the reception boys all have big sisters in Y2 and are ganging up and chasing them in the playground - bit awkward when you go in to complain of your child being bullied and have to admit that your other child is the culprit!

You managed to cut back quite well though. Wish I could sometimes.

Prufrock, I could have possibly written your OP. I do sympathise, it is hard work when it is so very one sided, no matter what financial comfort it brings. DH is very similar, and it does sometimes irritate me that he seems to consider himself exempt from all the tedious but necessary detail involved in running a house and two children.

Have now been waiting for about 3 weeks for him to lower ds2's cot for me, as DS is about to start climbing out himself in the morning. Most things I manage to do but i'm pretty hopeless with anything which needs assembling or disassembling!

I think maybe I need a DIY man too!!

Have only just seen this! Hope you are having a fab day today and congrats on 10 years!
Of course you are entitled to rant, money is never the be all and end all and absolutly everybody without exception has the right to feel utterly crap, hard done by and down right pissed off every so often. Especialy when your DH buggers off with your car keys