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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think women should be able to bring their children to a baby shower?

28 replies

BlingLovin · 20/10/2008 11:06

I went to one recently where it was clear that anyone with children (toddlers) could not bring them. At least two women didn't come as a result. I thought that seemed a bit silly, but perhaps I'm not up enough on the etiquette? Any guidance from MN please?

OP posts:

Tortington · 20/10/2008 11:06

any night without children is a good thing

lets make more of these traditions i say

soultaken · 20/10/2008 11:21

I agree I think women should be able to bring their babies to baby showers. However, the person who hosts the party also sets the scene and calls the shots so not a lot you can do really

expatinscotland · 20/10/2008 11:22

i think baby showers are beyond naff.

Tortington · 20/10/2008 11:30

i think there should be a pre conception party

where people bring their babies for three hours.

and the child less ones see its not all go go farking gaga

CorpseBrideOfJohnCusack · 20/10/2008 11:33

what expat siad
naff and grabby and shite
I'd LOVE an excuse not to go to one

sleepycatonabroomstick · 20/10/2008 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pingping · 20/10/2008 11:36

I threw a baby shower for my BF and picked a venue where children were welcome. Lots of children came and entertained themselves whilst we did the shower it was good fun.

YANBU.

combustiblelemon · 20/10/2008 11:37

Are they an American thing? I've always assumed they are.

ForeverOptimistic · 20/10/2008 11:40

I thought they were an American thing too. Baby Shower is just another name for a party isn't it? Up to the host as to who she wishes to invite.

childrenofthecornsilk · 20/10/2008 11:41

Theones I've been to have been girly nights out with plenty of wine so bearable. Wouldn't expect to see a baby there TBH.

Bubbaluv · 20/10/2008 11:50

When the guest of honor can't drink (much at least) it would be a bit mean for the babyshower to be a boozy night out surely??
The ones I've been to (horrible things) were all twee decorations, cups of tea and finger food. Maybe it was her last opportunity to do something baby unfriendly?

pingping · 20/10/2008 11:54

LOL the one I threw was a group of us Men and Women all got together to give my Best friend a surprise and give gifts that she needed it was a nice day lots of family and Friends and the children played and had fun.

My BF was very surprised and very happy that we all got together as we don't do it very often.

Bubbaluv · 20/10/2008 11:58

Pingping, that sounds like the best end of the Babyshower spectrum. When you are asking people to come and give you presents (which is what a baby shower is for) then a0 it's best if it's a surprise organised by someone else and b) it should be as inclusive and accomodating as possibles surely?

pingping · 20/10/2008 12:01

Yes Bubbaluv it was alot of effort getting everyone together but it was well worth it and I think if your going to throw a shower you need to keep all aspects in mind. For instance My BF has a 7yr old DD and we wanted her to be involved in the party so that she didn't think it was all about the baby.

Mandelbrot · 20/10/2008 12:04

expat and Custy speak da troof.

Baby gifts will be handed over, then the mothers will hand toys for the new baby to their baby to play with and if you object you'll be told 'Don't be so selfish, you're baby isn't even here yet' and meanwhile some bint's demonic spawn is slobbering its foetid slime all over YOUR baby's new rattle, which will now have to be disinfected/blasted with gamma rays/incinerated in that order before your home stops feeling violated.

And people will be all cutesy and then someone will have written a poem which will never rhyme nor scan properly and it will be schmaltzerama until you tuck into a cake in the shape of a pram and the whole time you're thinking will you mad cackling oxygen thieves get out of my house and stop talking about how horrendous giving birth is and ffs who thought 'who's got the biggest pile' was an appropriate game to play?

Ijskater · 20/10/2008 12:04

Depends on the organisers, but the more traditional ones, and that coming from America is that they are for Moms only...

I have empathy with that view because the idea is that moms have fun and enjoy themselves, relax a bit, not have to continue mothering however "hands off" it might be.

I was in that predicament once, the protocol is that the mom to be does not organise it herself but a host does it for her. This girl came fwd wanting to be my host, yet she had a constraint and could only do afternoons and she had to host it at my house. I thought, I would then have to make it clear that children weren't welcome and that seemed a bit harsh. So I sort of turned down my host as gently as poss. and moved on to the next pair who could do evening, so no kiddies..!

chequersandchess · 20/10/2008 12:10

Why does it seem a bit silly? (apart from the fact that it was a baby shower and they are faintly ridiculous anyway).

Surely the host invited the people she wanted at her party? What's not to understand?

Original poster

BlingLovin · 20/10/2008 12:16

OKay, seems I was wrong. Thanks all. .

To me, it's all very well refusing to allow children when only one or two of the women invited have children, but a whole lot harder when most of the women do have children.

But I see the point about the last, baby-free party the new mum gets to have for a while!

incidentally, I've never been to a baby shower actually organised by the pregnant women. Always by a friend or sister.

OP posts:

pingping · 20/10/2008 12:21

Well I threw mine because my Best friend was struggling a bit money wise and I threw it on a Sunday afternoon in a pub hired the top bar out and everyone came and had a good time not only did my BF get things that she needed for the baby but all the people she cared and loved were able to come together and have a nice time.

needmorecoffee · 20/10/2008 13:00

we do baby showers now? Only ever been to one in the US and there were other kids there I think.

lucysnowe · 20/10/2008 13:07

I brought my baby to my friend's shower (on her invitation) and as the bub was being especially delightful everybody cooed over her and ignored my preggers friend somewhat, which I felt a bit guilty about. I think its nicer when it's all focused on the baby to come imho.

HolidaysQueen · 20/10/2008 13:13

YABU. If you have a baby shower then surely it is because you want to spend time spoiling the mum-to-be and the focus of the day should be on her. Quite frankly in all my experiences with parties with small children, parents inevitably have at least half an eye on their kids and it is never about the adult the party is for. I've never understood why people think that children should always be included in all social occasions - I don't hate children but I do think there are events where adults should expect to be able to let their hair down and focus on themselves for a change. I think a baby shower is one such occasion. But then I had a child-free wedding which all my friends (even those with children) attended without a fuss and I happily attended a child-free wedding this summer leaving my 5 month old with my PILs so what would I know?

kiwibella · 20/10/2008 13:24

I had a baby shower and would definitely host one for a friend. To me, it is a combination of a chance to celebrate the baby coming and for the mum-to-be to have a last hoorah with her friends. Therefore, unless children could be actively engaged or occupied, I would keep it to adults.

I had a night out with my friends... dinner in a fab restaurants and a few silly games.

It's a chance to remember you are human... not just a baby making / carrying / caring machine .

spookyrookie · 20/10/2008 15:49

I have never been to a Baby shower. It sounds like a Body Shop party only worse.

However if anyone mistakenly invites me to one I wouldn't take DS. I doubt any pregnant lady would thank me for exposing her to the whirling dirvish that is a normal 2.5 year old, likely to put her off child birth.

spookyrookie · 20/10/2008 15:50

Oh slightly off topic. I once attended a bridal shower for a non drinking religous friend. We had been instructed to buy her lots of kitchen implements.

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