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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

letting Dss share my bed when I'm feeling lonely?

27 replies

littleyellowbird · 19/10/2008 21:52

Friend 'told me off' when I said I let my 7 and 9 yr old boys kip with me when I need a cuddle. Feeling completely fed up at the moment and just on the edge of coping so it sometimes feels good to all curl up together for the night. They consider it a treat, I don't often let them but it's been a bit more regular lately - about once a week.

Friend said it didn't seem fair to 'use' them for hug when i felt rotten - I was the mum and shouldn't expect them to comfort me. I don't tell my boys thats why I let them share the bed, I try hard not to ever show them if I'm having a rough time.

I don't see any harm in it, do you?

OP posts:
SammyK · 19/10/2008 21:54

No I don't, YANBU, ignore 'friend'

LadyOfRoffle · 19/10/2008 21:54

YANBU! I'd be abit 'oo' if they knew the reasons, but I cannot see anything wrong with it at all.

madrose · 19/10/2008 21:54

not at all, i sleep better if dd sneaks in (which is most night ).

if i'm stressed, I feel much more at ease, when she is there.

thisisyesterday · 19/10/2008 21:55

no harm in it at all. if they didn't want to do it they'd say so.
enjoy it while you can, they grow up too soon

Tryharder · 19/10/2008 21:57

YANBU.

I don't why people have such a downer on co-sleeping in this country.

lauraloola · 19/10/2008 21:57

How rude! I used to love cuddles with my mum and am going to do the same with dd.

Make the most of it while they are still young and enjoying cuddles x

heartmummy · 19/10/2008 21:58

my dd and i have been co sleeping since she was 6mths she will be 3 next month , as i could only tube feed her its really helped us to bond , take no notice x x

childrenofthecornsilk · 19/10/2008 21:59

Tell your friend to mind her own business.Your ds's will be more tactile with their own chn if they are used to cuddles from you.

TheArmadillo · 19/10/2008 22:00

tell your friend to fark off.

I wouldn't see a problem with it at all.

If you were forcing them against their will then that would be unreasonable.

Saying hey why not have a treat and jump into bed with mum for some snuggly family time, isn't. Which is all they are going to see it as. It helps you stop feeling down and you feeling better will be better for them.

Lauriefairycake · 19/10/2008 22:00

Nope, I don't think this is a good idea. You are there to fulfill their needs, not yours. This is about you, because you feel lonely and while I'm sure they love it it's a bit of an ambiguous message to send them.

Sorry you feel lonely though.

francagoestohollywood · 19/10/2008 22:01

I think that they get comforted just as much as you do! YANBU.

kyrasmummy · 19/10/2008 22:01

DD is 4 and sleeps with my every night, and always has done, she has got her own bedroom but has never slept in there! DS is 3 and won't sleep in my bed, i've tried but he needs his own space and never settles.

So no YANBU

liath · 19/10/2008 22:02

What rubbish. I let dd sleep with me when DH is working overnight. I find it comfoting and it's a treat for her. Nowt wrong with that IMHO.

MrsSnape · 19/10/2008 22:02

DS (7) is refusing to get out of my bed as we speak. I let him sleep there most nights because:

a) he sleeps better
b) he wakes up better in the morning and
c) I like having someone to cuddle

YANBU.

ladymariner · 19/10/2008 22:04

YANBU, as someone else said, if they knew the reason then yes but they don't so there isn't a problem. iyswim!!

Lauriefairycake · 19/10/2008 22:04

ooh, that's the first time I've disagreed with everyone

sleepycatonabroomstick · 19/10/2008 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepycatonabroomstick · 19/10/2008 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scaryteacher · 19/10/2008 22:08

dh away on business last week - woke up in middle of night to find ds (12) curled under the duvet next to me. YANBU - enjoy it whilst it lasts.

TheHedgeWitch · 19/10/2008 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

liath · 19/10/2008 22:10

Mind you, you might be wise not to let them sleep with you all the time - didn't a certain child care guru grow up sleeping with her mum??? And we all know where that one ended .

Miyazaki · 19/10/2008 22:11

I agree with Laurie.

seeker · 19/10/2008 22:13

When my dp is away I tell my children that if anyone feels like coming in with me then they are welcome. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Can't see a problem. Tell friend to go boil her head!

Original poster
littleyellowbird · 19/10/2008 22:16

Thank you, I tell my friend she seems to be in the minority!

Always been tactile with mine, don't remember my mum ever grabbing me for a hug or kiss so was always determined to let the boys know how much I love em.

Used to let them in to sleep sometimes when exDH was around so see no reason to stop now. Only I do know it's a bit more often recently. I used to know a lady whose 15 yr DD still slept with her - her DH had died years ago and kids came in with her and never left. I can't imagine how hard that must have been - but 15 is pushing it just a bit..!

Recently had a baby nephew die. Hugging my boys even tighter at the moment and I didn't see any harm in that.

OP posts:
Jux · 19/10/2008 22:22

dh goes off to London once every month or so and is away for at least one night sometimes nearly a week. DD and I always used to cuddle up together when he was away. Nothing wrong with it. She's 9 now and likes her own bedroom now - or maybe it's as I get all 3 cats on my bed instead.