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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think FIL should have kept his mouth shut!!!!

58 replies

tonightsthenight · 19/10/2008 15:50

I don't post much, normally lurk. This is my first AIBU so please be gentle!!!

DP and I have been together for 4 years and own a house together. FIL is a financial advisor. DP and I were sorting out our wills and we sent them to FIL to basically advice and help us.

Anyway, I didn't know what was in DPs will, turns out he is leaving everything to me. Well, I have a cat that ive had for many years since long before DP. I had put in my will that half was to go to DP and half to my Mum to look after the cat.

After seeing the wills FIL rung up DP to tell him about my will, the contents of it basically that I was leaving half to my Mum. AIBU to think it was totally not hos place to do this? AM soooo angryy!!

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 19/10/2008 16:07

i think you are being totally reasonable.

i assume you have worked out exactly how much your mum would need per week to keep your cat. what sort of entertainment and activities have you planned? and cat holidays? it costs a lot more than people think to keep a cat. and then there's the tuition fees..

i assume your dp is far to inept to be able to look after your darling pussy himself, hence why you aren't leaving the care up to him.

Blu · 19/10/2008 16:15

Well, obviously the DP can't look after the cat because he will be busy looking after the DCs on his half - fair's fair.

OP - I would advise you not tolet your FIl offer you cat any special little treats that he brings in his bag..if he offers it anything make him take a bite first. I mean, theman has demonstrated that he cannot respect professional boundaries, so there's no knowing what he might do.

WigWamBam · 19/10/2008 16:19

How long are you expecting this cat to live for? And what are the chances that it will outlive you? Unless, of course, you're 96.

And won't your DP continue to allow the cat to live in your house if you do pop your clogs first?

I actually can't get my head around a couple who are prepared to take out a mortgage together, but don't want each other to see their wills. You sound like kids trying to cover their work at school so that no-one else can see and copy it.

monkeymonkeymonkey · 19/10/2008 16:22

This cant be for real.

soultaken · 19/10/2008 16:22

Good lord is your FIL actually allowed to do that? Discuss the contents of one persons will with another person?

I'd bloodly well have his license revoked if it were my FIL.

Original poster
tonightsthenight · 19/10/2008 16:24

So you all agree that FIL was in the wrong? I am sick of my PIL meddling.

DP and the cat living togetrher alone would not work.

OP posts:
lulumama · 19/10/2008 16:25

well, if you knew he was a meddler, you should not have involved him in your wills

surely you see a lawyer for that, rather than a financial advisor

Original poster
tonightsthenight · 19/10/2008 16:26

He was offering advice on the wills it wasnt a business arrangement.

OP posts:
soultaken · 19/10/2008 16:27

is you pulling my leg?

OrmIrian · 19/10/2008 16:28

Perhaps the cat is a panther or some such?

I think they live longer than the domestic mog and the bill for slaughtered livestock and broken fences could be quite high.

imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 19/10/2008 16:28

You appear to have weanted free advice and it has back fired.

How old is the cat?

How does your DP feel about you leaving half to your mother? You could maybe have left off the cat bit.

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon · 19/10/2008 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

combustiblelemon · 19/10/2008 16:29

Ah OrmIrian, you could be right. It'd probably get through a lot of kibble too.

Original poster
tonightsthenight · 19/10/2008 16:31

ok, I have to come clean.

This wasn't me but it is true - a woman I work with told me all about this, totally indignant about her FIL tellig the DP.

I told my DP and he didn't think it was weird, the cat thing. I jsut wanted to check, and you've all proved me right, thanks

OP posts:
zookeeper · 19/10/2008 16:32

troll

OrmIrian · 19/10/2008 16:36

Not to mention cat litter, combustible.

FimboGotAxed · 19/10/2008 16:45

Ah so the troll word is mention and you decide to change tack. Niiiccee

scaryfucker · 19/10/2008 16:55

this thread is hilarious

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon · 19/10/2008 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loobeylou · 19/10/2008 17:04

what happens if OPs mother dies before her, I am really worried who will look after the poor little cat then!!

scaryfucker · 19/10/2008 17:08

lol @ korma

wehaveallbeenthere · 19/10/2008 17:27

Wills are a very private thing. They are very much like a doctors visit.
Your father in law is clearly invested in other than your interests. However, you did ask him for his input. Shame on you both (FIL and you).
Have a lawyer advise. A private lawyer if required for each of you. I know that here in the states a will between married people falls back to the state law. Some states automatically gives all to the spouse unless contested. In which case a signed legal will usually puts an end to it...unless it is a very substantial amount.
Lots of points to remember. Was it accumulated before you were married? or after. If jointly then it usually goes back to the spouse but again if there are prior children that is another consideration. In the end when contested the lawyers usually win.
My advice is talk to your spouse...lay all the cards on the table..actually look at each others wills and do the "what if" scenario and see what you think will happen. Make your wills accordingly. If one or the other of you die that person isn't going to give a hoot anyway, it's the remaining person that will have to do battle with whoever contests.

wehaveallbeenthere · 19/10/2008 17:32

Out of curiousity...who is Cod? Weirdcod? I've seen a lot of withdrawn comments from this person. Just wondering as I've never actually seen the comments. Just the withdrawals.

FimboGotAxed · 19/10/2008 17:47

Cod is unique, much loved by all and it would take far too long to explain.

wehaveallbeenthere · 19/10/2008 17:49

Can't you give me the short version? How are they unique to start?
Are they an old (age wise) Mn? Just wondering as they seem to be everywhere and nowhere.
Are they a site overseer?