to think baby showers are vulgar

[Upwind]

In the past I've argued that the only acceptable response to an invitation is that you will or will not be able to attend. But I recieved a baby shower invitation this morning, from a woman I barely know. The wording said that this was an "opportunity for her friends and colleagues to shower Jenny with gifts"

'Jenny' is loaded and already has her designer nursery kitted out and everything imaginable she could need bought. There are redundancies and threatened redundancies where she works. It seems extraordinarily tasteless to send this elaborate invitation out at a time like this. Obviously I will be declining the invitation but I can't help think less of her for issuing it. AIBU?

I think it depends. I would find a shower thrown by the pregnant woman exceedingly vulgar , and on a par with wedding lists (DO NOT get me started), but I had a surprise shower thrown for me. Small gifts, afternoon tea, and much gossip about babies - it was lovely. So am clearly torn on this topic.

Yes a baby shower should not be organised by the person having the baby - that is just odd.

It should be a surprise organised by the best friend or mum.

I always thought they were tacky and a bit grim. However when I was pregnant with DS our friends organised one and I have to admit it was great - suddenly seemed much more real that there was going to be a baby when we were oohing and ahing over little outfits with our friends.

We were given lots of useful bits and pieces that people who have children know you'll suddenly realise you don't have at 3am, themometer, teething gel, infacol. Wasn't about spending vast sums of money but that they'd thought of what we'd really need.

IMO demanding expensive gifts - very tacky. Just getting friends together - no problem. When the baby arrived we were way too busy and knackered to see everyone together for ages so it was nice to have had a bit of a party before we vanished for a while socially.