to think baby showers are vulgar

[Upwind]

In the past I've argued that the only acceptable response to an invitation is that you will or will not be able to attend. But I recieved a baby shower invitation this morning, from a woman I barely know. The wording said that this was an "opportunity for her friends and colleagues to shower Jenny with gifts"

'Jenny' is loaded and already has her designer nursery kitted out and everything imaginable she could need bought. There are redundancies and threatened redundancies where she works. It seems extraordinarily tasteless to send this elaborate invitation out at a time like this. Obviously I will be declining the invitation but I can't help think less of her for issuing it. AIBU?

I've just printed out my 8 year old's birthday invites and as always it specifies 'No presents or cards'

So liberating knowing I wont have yet more unnecessary crap to deal with.

i dont actually know anyone thats had one. but i agree.

they just seem like a party designed specifically to get gifts. there is no celebration of an event, its all about the presents.

very rude IYAM

I've only ever been to one and actually it was lovely. It was just 5 very old friends (and this was the first of them having a baby), getting together for dinner at one friend's house and giving a small something to pamper the mum-to-be (who had had a long struggle to get pg). It wasn't organised by the mum-to-be (agree that would be a bit much), and it wasn't at all about the gifts; the person in question was super-loaded and really didn't need anything.

So, YABU to tar them all with the 'vulgar' brush, but YANBU to consider that having a party whose sole aim is to gain as much booty (bootee? ) as possible is very vulgar. If this is indeed the aim.

I assume that a friend chose the wording?

I think it could be a nice idea, gifts aside.

No one arranged one for me and I was a bit . I would have liked a girly night in with friends and family before DD was born.

I'm too superstitious to want to ask for stuff before the baby is safely born anyway. Too much like tempting fate.
But yes, I do think the whole idea is tacky.

a friend organised one for me as a surprise. It was lovely tea and cakes on a Sunday afternoon and they all brought along very small gifts for the baby.

It wasn't vulgar at all - very middle class class actually

yes I hear you get to eat fairy cakes, am up for that any time

nothing as vulgar as fairy cakes pamelat

I have only been to one - funnily enough for my most loaded friend. But was v superstitious about buying a present for an unborn baby so ended up buying mum to be a present, then the new baby a present. Think there is a big difference between a pre baby lunch and a contrived 'baby shower'.

wow, interesting posts.

For me - and I'm not American, nor from the UK, we just have a little gathering with nappies as the main gift, before the pg friend has her babe. Things you will need that it would be a pain in the rump to go out and buy at midnight / 3am etc when you've run out.

It seems rather funny, and not a little illogical, that baby shower virgins have such strong opinions about how vulgar they find them!!

But really, why are we begrudging someone who wants to see her pals before she's too knackered and covered in boke to know her own name, cos you might be asked to bring something - would you not bring something if you were going to someone's house for dinner? I love baby showers - or whatever you want to call them.

Bring nappies, and like they do in America - make a cake with nappies. yes

I do understand that in these straightened times for someone who is perceived as wealthy, wanting more stuff, may seem a little bit insensitive to her guests / the planet etc.. but who are we to judge someone who only feels life is worth something if she has a lot of stuff and money to support her. That's her karma, no?

Tacky message re: opportunity to shower Jenny with gifts.

I threw one for a friend a few months ago. It was really low key - brunch sort of thing. A few people bought practical things, such as a tube of Lansinoh, and a nursing cushion.

But I made it clear when I spoke to people when they called to RSVP, it wasn't a materialistic thing.

She sent me a thank you note saying she felt really supported, which was the whole point....

babies are always good news

I planned one for my best friend 2 years ago when preg with DC2.

There were gifts btu they were put on a table to the side and not opened at the get together.

It was all about work friends getting together before she left for 6 months.

Not unreasonable at all - baby showers are, imo beyond crass. The thought of having one makes me cringe. It winds me up considerably that everything is turned into an exercise in money-grabbing.

Contemptuously vulgar
I agree

ANd what if all does not go to plan and something tragic happens? No pressure.

LOL at moondog's contributions

I loved having a baby shower and I love attending them.

I am so happy when a close friend is pregnant, and I love having a girlie afternoon with my friends to celebrate with her.

Yes, good point suzywong.

I agree suzwong. The assumption and expectation that evrything will be fine is not something I would feel comfortable being a part of.

A very little gift for the new baby or some nice wine or food or bath stuff for the parents and lots and lots of joy once the baby is born and home is just about right imo.

did she organise her own baby shower? I had a suprise baby shower it was lovely only down side was that I was 37 weeks pregnant and thought the purpose of the visit to my friends house was for a sunday roast, I had even worn my extra comfy maternity jeans, only to be greeted by fizzy water and a sweltering fron room.

But it was lovely it made me feel special and I did have a little cry, although was that because of the lack of roast beef

hen I left work to have ds, I got loads of suprize prezzies am I vulgar?

I have never been to one, nor do I know of anyone who has had one. In fact, when I read the thread title I wondered when bathroom fixtures especially for babies had been invented.

Tidey, I bet something like that does exist.

2shoes - surprise presents are great. If anyone is seeking an opportunity to give them, just send them my way. I'll be suitably surprised! It is not the presents, it is the asking for them that made me cringe a bit.

Rubysmom, she handed me the invitation herself and seems to have invited all her acquaintances, but the invite is written as though it was from somebody else (no idea who that person is or what their relationship is to the showeree). So I assume she had a part in organising her own shower, at a minimum she has made up a guest list and probably had a say in the wording.

Juliette, Suzwong - yes that is part of it for me too. Somebody very close to me had a stillbirth last year and celebrating something that has not yet happened does feel like tempting fate. Though obviously it would be irrelevant in the very unlikely event that tragedy should strike.