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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell dd2 NOT to play fight with some of the dads from school?

37 replies

Eniddo · 17/10/2008 15:44

they encourage a bunch of girls to hit them and catch them
2 different dads do this - one I know vaguely, he is a nice guy.

dd2 (6) and 3 or 4 other girls hit and try and fight them

I really hate it and today told dd2 to stop and not to do it any more. It just seems disrespectful to an adult who she hardly knows to behave like this, even though the men encourage it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 15:53

am I?

OP posts:
Mandelbrot · 17/10/2008 15:55

YANBU

I think the dads think they are playing. You could always join in and boot them one in the knackers. Perhaps that would discourage them.

hth

Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 15:56

lol

yes the dads are playing

but it really winds dd2 up and I just DO NOT LIKE IT

also its only girls the big jessies, they darent take any 6 year old boys on

OP posts:
sweetcat · 17/10/2008 15:58

LOL Mandlebrot.

Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 15:58

I dont even know the one that was doing it today

except his wife cried to me once that she had to leave him as he was abusive

OP posts:
misshardbroom · 17/10/2008 15:59

YANBU - I wouldn't be comfortable with this either.

A couple of reasons... first of all as you say, it's sending out conflicting messages about how to behave around adults. It's difficult to reinforce ideas of respect, manners, decorum (and yes, I am stuck in an Austen novel, before anyone tells me I am ) if you're then condoning this behaviour.

But the other question is what is wrong with these blokes that they want to play fight with other people's daughters? I'm just not sure it's an entirely appropriate way for a grown man to interact with little girls.

oh well, will probably get flamed for this, but it's just my opinion FWIW.

Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 16:15

lol @ 'misshardbroom' (dd2s FAVE wwitch characer)

I told dd2 to stop in front the dad and other parents

am aware they will now think me up tight old bag

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 17/10/2008 16:19

I wouldn't like it either, but I am not sure why exactly.

I think some blokes just don't really know how to relate to young kids, so scrapping seems like a good idea.

madlentileater · 17/10/2008 16:20

YANBU, what the witch said, wierd for any man to want to do this, none of the nice normal men I know would do this. TBH I think it's a bit odd when men play fight with their own DSs, but I know that's my uptight pc humourless feminism.

Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 16:24

oh good

not just me then

am in terrible mood anyway

OP posts:
pingping · 17/10/2008 17:03

YANBU bit weird they want to playfight with girls they don't know or that they encourage hmmmm I would rather be uptight than have my child 1 not knowing how to act around adults and 2 have 2 grown men befriend my child and then something bad happen to them. ( not that I am suggesting that these 2 grown men are Peodo's or anything but u have heard how the stories go Ian huntley etc

TeeBee · 17/10/2008 21:44

I can't imagine why any self-respecting person would do that with young girls! I think you are right, too weird.

Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 21:45

ok I am sure they are not paedophiles

OP posts:
TeeBee · 17/10/2008 21:48

They may not be - but that is still odd behaviour. Surely they must be aware of the impression they are putting out. Anyway, YANBU to stop your DS from partaking in their madness.

misshardbroom · 17/10/2008 21:50

No, I wasn't trying to suggest they were dodgy either, just that you want to teach your daughters that there are appropriate / inappropriate ways of interacting with the opposite sex, be they boys their own age or grown men (but esp grown men).

Sorry for inevitable typos, wayyyyyyyy too much cheap wine at PTA do.

Original poster
Eniddo · 17/10/2008 21:51

yy exactly

what is odd is that TWO different dads do it

OP posts:
onebatmotherofNormanBates · 17/10/2008 22:04

Not sure how play-fighting with girls is anti-feminist though, madlentileater?

Is it because it mirrors dv?

I'd be more inclined to see it as a (misguided) stab at equality.

I dont' think girls get enough rough and tumble tbh, but I can see that this is not quite the right way to go about it.

2shoesdrippingwithblood · 17/10/2008 22:12

yanbu
how very odd

EmiliaCoralie · 17/10/2008 23:54

YANBU. Way too familiar. How strange

solidgoldskullonastick · 18/10/2008 00:05

I'm not sure that it's healthy to teach your DDs that men are some kind of alien species who need to be treated in a special way or deferred to. If your DD is unhappy with this playfighting, talk to her about it, suggest that the men are a bit silly (any child over the age of 5 needs to know that adults are not always right) and that she should just walk away if she doesn't want to play with them.

onebatmotherofNormanBates · 18/10/2008 11:50

well put, sgb.

madlentileater · 19/10/2008 19:22

no, tis not that I think men play fighting with girls is anti feminist, i aggree about girls not getting enough active play, just that I feel father/son play fighting a bit odd, like male bonding has to be through fighting...I guess it's my inner pacifist that's most bothered...but i realise many would think this extreme.
I think labelling this behaviour as 'silly' probably wisest.

mooog · 19/10/2008 19:39

I am not sure if this has been answered already but do these "men" playfight with any little boys? And to be honest I defo would not be happy that grown men want to playfight with little girls!! Sounds a bit dodgy to me.

WideWebWitch · 19/10/2008 19:48

Oh it's just bloody well not on, is it? I hate playfighting with boys or girls and I'd say to my dd "please don't join in, we don't agree with hitting do we?" or something.

wankers. Why do men have to do this?

exasperatedmummy · 19/10/2008 19:52

HMmmmmmm, i actually think you are bing a tinsy bit unreasonable. And moog dodgy?? Oh, come ON!

I think it probably comes from the girls actually. The guys probably don't know how to react and think its good to be popular etc etc. I wouldn't like it if it made my DD OTT though, but that would be my only concern.

My DD has just started pre-school and there is a male teaching assistant. He is lovely, but i have noticed the girls really give him a run for his money, they are chasing him around, play fighting with him and he is the fun and active person at the nursery. Im all for it, it is great to have a man at nursery and he is able to calm things down and be quiet and serious when he has to.

I know this might sound really weird, and i might get flamed for his, but i actually think the girls are doing a very innocent, totally non sexual form of flirting. If i mention DDs keyworker, Mr XX She goes all shy and silly and starts laughing. Its very sweet. I have an older DD too, she is 18 and as she was growing up i noticed the same "silly" behaviour towards my male friends. DD2, jumps all over my friend and gives him a run for his money - its just how they seem to interact.

I wouldn't read too much into it, you say you know one of the guys so he probably thinks that its ok to play with your girl. If you are really bothered by it, have a word, but tread carefully, just say, oh, she gets really hyped up messing with you and i have a nightmare when we get home, that sort of thing.

My Dad was like this, i remember getting very because he would throw the other girls in the air when i was in my first year at school.