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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell off visitng child?

76 replies

upsetandangry · 15/10/2008 19:15

like when they are round playing in my garden (age 5/6)? If say dd goes to the loo and while gone the visiting child corners one year old ds in playhouse pointing at him, holding his clothing and hitting his face with a stone ?

Is it wrong to run over removing visitor from ds shouting "hey what you doing" then march the child back home? Should something different be done? I did then confront parent who indicated i was out of order for upsetting their child and they are 5 so it is an allowable activity? I am all a fluster.

WHat would you do in this situ - did i get it all wrong? Relations are already strained!

OP posts:
izyboy · 15/10/2008 20:02

I've shouted at another child at someone elses house for hitting my DS over the head with a stick. Couldn't give a flying one what mum thought, noone hurts my kids in front of me without being told not to. Of course you were right.

dustystar · 15/10/2008 20:04

I don't think anyone was suggesting that it was a matter of individual house rules really turnip - a 5 year old hitting another child with a rock is clearly wrong. I'm a childminder though so often have children in my house who have different 'house rules' at home than we do so the 'my house my rules' is my standard response

izyboy · 15/10/2008 20:07

Furthermore if I was told my DS had done something similar I would be horrified. Double reprimand and privileges removed forthwith -see I am no hypoctrite!

Reallytired · 15/10/2008 20:07

I wouldn't worry about strained relations. The alternative was a dead toddler.

I doult that you will ever invite that child to your house again. I suppose its difficult if it is your next door neighbour.

Hitting a toddler with a rock is not normal five year old behaviour. The child must be mentally disturbed to act in such a fashion.

izyboy · 15/10/2008 20:08

lol hypocrite.

izyboy · 15/10/2008 20:09

Reallytired that is true, I wouldn't want them back for safety reasons.

KatieDD · 15/10/2008 20:10

I think you behaved remarkably calmly all things considered.

Original poster
upsetandangry · 15/10/2008 20:14

It is difficult as she knocks to play alot and when we say no as busy or having tea or something she says she is bored and pulls a face as she half lets herself in. She also peers through our window to see if were in if we dont answer after she has rang bell 3 times in succesion so its generally all a bit rarrrrrrrrrr. Parents are going through a break up and seperating but thats not my ds fault but i do have some compassion.

OP posts:
Reallytired · 15/10/2008 20:20

Nevertheless I would be firm and not allow her round. Forget the sob stories, she could have killed your baby.

Her parents need to take to the GP and get her refered to CAMHS. (Child and absolcent mental heath service) I feel sorry for the child, but as parents we need to put our own children first.

If her parents are seperating then its unlikely that you will have them as neighbours for much longer.

Reallytired · 15/10/2008 20:20

If she is five years old then what is she doing wondering the streets and knocking on people's doors on her own?

Original poster
upsetandangry · 15/10/2008 20:24

we only live next door reallytired but she does generally roam round the close for a playmate.

OP posts:
DesperateHousewifeToo · 15/10/2008 20:25

I often prefer it when a child misbehaves when their parents are not around so I can tell them off without feeling I'm stepping on the parent's toes.

Would be mortified if either of my dc's were sent home from a play at friend's house because they had done this and agree that would not have reacted the same way as op's neighbour.

Have a friend of ds'(7) who comes to play and he is often a bit nasty to dd(3) - not invilving rocks though!

Last couple of times, I have pulled him aside at the beginning and have laid down the groundrules i.e. dd is allowed to join in if she wants to and if you are nasty to her I will be phoning your mum to come and collect you.

Luckily, it did the trick as don't know what I'd have said to his mum!

KatieDD · 15/10/2008 20:32

I don't think a 5 year old hitting with an object is mentally distrubed, bloody hell talk about making a drama out of a crisis, perhaps we should grab the pitch forks ?

Original poster
upsetandangry · 15/10/2008 20:33

When she arrived i said she could only play if played nice as i had heard she was not nice earlier when she stamped on dd- i said they should all play nice as its nice to be nice. She said she was sorry to dd at that point. I want a quiet old lady to move in next door who will bake me cakes and mow my lawn.

OP posts:
KerryMumchingOnEyeballs · 15/10/2008 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmugColditz · 15/10/2008 20:36

It's not 'mentally disturbed', don't be silly. It's naughty.

Original poster
upsetandangry · 15/10/2008 20:40

No not dragging i am nice . And no i dont think shes mentally disturbed either just needs more guidance. She has an older sibling so is alot wiser than my dd who is as green as grass.

OP posts:
Reallytired · 15/10/2008 20:41

What! Taking a piece of rock and repeatly hitting a baby's face with it. That is beyond normal childhood nastiness. Five year olds often do lash out at each other or younger sibblings.

It is very brutal and systematic bullying. Waiting unti the OP DD had gone to the toilet shows that the child had planned the bullying. It wasn't a five year old being impetious and doing something silly in the heat of the moment.

Most five year olds do have a sense of what is right or wrong. They will not go quite as far as the OP describes.

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs · 15/10/2008 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pookybear · 15/10/2008 20:43

Sounds like a classic case of 'notice me'. My dd works in a unit for children removed from school for behaviour issues, she would recognise this behaviour as attention seeking by being dangerously ooo. From what you have said about her home life it sounds like neglect. I think you were quite justified in every way.

SmugColditz · 15/10/2008 20:47

reallytired, have you ever even seen a five year old? They aren't the kids hanging round outside off-licenses, those are teenagers, and they &are the ones capable of systematic and brutal bullying. Five year olds are the ones who still believe in father Christmas and cry about monsters under the bed.

This was a brutal attack. It wasn't normal, but it wasn't systematic bullying.

KatieDD · 15/10/2008 20:52

So if the nearest thing to hand had been a sponge or a ball would that have been a brutal attack ?
Of course a 5 year old knows she shouldn't hit but she'd have had no concept of the potential damage caused.
You're judging her through an adults eyes.

Twiglett · 15/10/2008 20:53

absolute bollocks Katie

if you think a 5 year old doesn't know that she shouldn't hit and shouldn't hit with a rock then you must not know any 5 year olds

they might not care due to an appalling lack of boundaries but they know

SmugColditz · 15/10/2008 20:56

My issue is with the word 'bullying'. I really do not think a five year old is capable of systematic bullying. But you should be able to leave a NT five year old in the same area as a toddler without the toddler getting his in the face with a hard object, a five year old would know that a rock would hurt more than a sponge.

squeaver · 15/10/2008 20:59

You did the right thing.