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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want sex 4 times a week whilst pregnant?

51 replies

alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:01

am a regular - just named changed as DH knows my usual MN user name.

DH has a high sex drive, I don't. DH wants it every other day, no matter if I am pregnant or not.

Am 5.5 months pregnant and absolutely knackered.

We last had sex on Friday. DH gone to bed in a strop because I have refused to have sex tonight.

AIBU to want to throttle him with a pair of my extra large maternity tights?

OP posts:
poppy34 · 12/10/2008 21:03

no tell him to get into diy ..and if he thinks its bad now -wait another 4 months and see if he feels like it 4 times a week then.. after watching what has been described as "watching your favourite pub burn down"

Thomcat · 12/10/2008 21:03

I don't mind lots of sex at all, and loved it even more when i was pregnant, but loathe feeling like I have to have it, like it's expected of me. When it happens it happens becasue we both feel like it and the moment takes us. Would detest someone asking for it and then going to bed in a strop if at that moment I wasn't up for it.

TrippingTheLightFanjTastic · 12/10/2008 21:04

YANBU

poppy34 · 12/10/2008 21:04

agree with thomcat - you're having a child don't have to put up with being married to one

bealos · 12/10/2008 21:06

YANBU and you know it... does he not have to woo you rather than sulk for sex? It's not very becoming.

Original poster
alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:08

The thing is, he mentioned it this afternoon and because I told him no, I would be knackered tonight and to give it a rest for a day or so, he has barely spoke to me since.

Fucking prick. Makes me wonder why I bother.

OP posts:
Original poster
alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:09

poppy, this will be my third child, come 4 months, I will be asking the midwife to sew my snatch up so he can't come near it.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 12/10/2008 21:10

Stroppy and pathetic behaviour

Thomcat · 12/10/2008 21:11

How ridiculous. You're a person, not a machine.
Tell him his strops will not endear him to you and will have the effect of wanting him as far away from you as possible. Would he rather have sex with you as a willing and interested partner who is enjoying it, or would he rather you lie there, clearly not up for it and not enjoying it?

bealos · 12/10/2008 21:12

would it be worth talking to him (perhaps not tonight) about how being like this makes you feel? That you would love to have sex when you are both up for it, but that being pregnany is absolutely knackering (as I'm sure being a mum to 2 is as well) and sex will be less for a while. And you'll leave him alone to have a wank every/other day if he'd like!

georgimama · 12/10/2008 21:13

I can't remember the last time we had sex 4 times a week. Am amazed at some people's sexdrives. Mind you, I shut up shop completely when pregnant, that shocks people.

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 12/10/2008 21:14

My DH would normally want sex every night!! he's had it 3 times in the last 11 weeks (i'm 13wks pg) and has only moaned once!! I made a huge fuss about waking up to vomiting and going to bed knackered after caring for 2 under 4's all day and it did the trick.

Ceolas · 12/10/2008 21:14

4 times in a pregnancy is good! YANBU at all. He needs to be a bit more understanding.

Original poster
alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:16

bealos, I have already told him this. He just seems to think that because he wants it, I should. Very hard to live with.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 12/10/2008 21:17

I feel your pain. I'd go with bealos suggestion. His sex drive isn't going to reduce so you need to find a way of handling it that is acceptable to both of you.

Incidentally, how did you manage this situation when your DCs were new borns ?

Original poster
alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:18

Ceolas, 4 times in a pregnancy would be fantastic! Would suit me down to the ground. 4 times a week however...

Oh yes, forgot to mention, he has been working from home a lot recently and when DC2 naps, he pounces on me. I feel like screaming "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, I NEED TO DO THE FUCKING IRONING" top pitch but the neighbours would hear.

OP posts:
poppy34 · 12/10/2008 21:18

alldriedup - sympathy (and you're completely not being unreasonable)...and can see why you're asking for the extra stitching.

makes me feel tired just thinking abotu 4 times a week and I'm not pregnant/got 1 kid

Original poster
alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:20

rookie, he knows I can't have sex for 6 weeks so he gets on with it after the DC were born.

OP posts:
SammyK · 12/10/2008 21:22

YANBU at all.

for you! Tell him to snap out of his strop and grow up. This pressure on you just causes you to resent him and want him as far away as possible. (been there)

Original poster
alldriedup · 12/10/2008 21:23

I would like a happy medium. He just doesn't understand that I should be able to say No.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/10/2008 21:25

'He just doesn't understand that I should be able to say No.'

Was he always like this?

I had a boyfriend like this for about 5 minutes.

Because nothing kills me a libido like some adult who acts like a horny mongrel, tbh.

rookiemater · 12/10/2008 21:27

Trouble is I think men equate sex with love and caring and if your DH has a high sex drive then that adds up to problems sometimes.

TBH I don't have a satisfactory answer. YANBU but I can understand that a hufty hubby is not much use round the house and its sometimes easier and quicker to give in rather than live with DHs disappointment.

georgimama · 12/10/2008 21:27

I find it faintly disturbing that there are so many MNers who feel they cannot say no to their husbands, or that their husbands think they should say yes to sex even though they know their wives don't feel like it.

Did the whole world go completely mad or has it always been thus and I was too naive to realise? Or do I just have an unusually reasonable husband?

georgimama · 12/10/2008 21:28

NO rookie, that is not the way to go, it is NOT "easier and quicker to give in". That is a description of marital rape.

expatinscotland · 12/10/2008 21:29

'Did the whole world go completely mad or has it always been thus and I was too naive to realise? Or do I just have an unusually reasonable husband?'

No, I'm the same way. I just screened quite heavily during hte dating process - anyone who was like a horndog and acting huffy about not getting sex on tap never made it even close to the committed relationship stage.