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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit of a grinch this christmas.

44 replies

Witchka · 10/10/2008 16:48

Every year my family meet up for Christmas, usually at Mum's house, but sometimes at one of my brothers' houses. We usually go to the trouble to buy a present for everyone. We do usually try to send each other lists of ideas so we don't give each other pointless tat, but I am increasingly inclined to just say please don't buy me anything, as I won't be buying you anything. I'll buy presents for the children, for DH and something for whoever hosts. Is it unreasonable to try and get out of the expense and hassle of christmas shopping for the other adults? I think it might do us all a favour in the long run. Ditto birthdays.

I tried to ban my brother from getting me a birthday present this year but he ended up sending me £30 and said he thought I was depressed (I am not, I'm just not sentimental).

OP posts:
MOrticiaAdams · 10/10/2008 16:54

I think you'd be suprised at how relived other relatives will be! They probably do it, because no-one has had the guts to suggest otherwise. I think your idea sounds perfect. Its what happens in my family anyway!

Flibbertyjibbet · 10/10/2008 17:00

YANBU.
The other year bil announced that they would not be buying for the adults only the children. So we don't get him and his gf anything but do buy for his son and dsd. SIL made no such announcment so we still get her and her dp something as well as her kids and she does the same with us.
BUT the difference is, me and sil love finding something lovely for a fiver. BIL and gf used to spend £20 + on every one.
So either suggest no presents for the adults, or a max gift value of £5 for adults and children alike?

TheCrackFox · 10/10/2008 17:03

YANBU

We all just buy pressies for the children. TBH, I don't really need anything and neither does any other adults in my family. It has made Xmas a lot cheaper and easier.

Upwind · 10/10/2008 17:03

YANBU - every year DH and I each get a pile of, expensively wrapped, cheap pointless tat from each member of his family. Or vouchers.

Each year he insists on giving his brothers vouchers so they swap them.

Really wish they would either stop giving presents to adults or do some kind of family secret santa so everyone gets one decent pressie.

MrsMattie · 10/10/2008 17:04

YANBU.

Our family decided a few years ago only to do presents for kids and teens. Could you suggest this? I suggested it originally (was slightly dreading it, but so sick of spending a fortune on crappy Boots 3 for 2 stuff...and sick of receiving it back!). There was a huge sense of relief in my family when I brought it up and we've not looked back since.

MommyHasaHeadache · 10/10/2008 17:15

YANBU

We have told our family year we don't want gifts and nor will we be giving any bar the children. We spent a fortune last year - and for what? I think birthdays are more important and have also told family that we will do birthday's but not Christmas. Anyway - Christmas is not about presents really is it?!

singingtree · 10/10/2008 17:21

I wish we could do this. My family doesn't really bother with presents, but it is a really big deal with my inlaws and DH spends most of December Christmas shopping. He loves buying presents though and would never agree

Original poster
Witchka · 10/10/2008 17:30

Oh good, am so glad you're all in favour of the Chrimbo opt out plan. Anyhoo, nobody's got any money at the moment and I might lose my job soon.

OP posts:
Lowfat · 10/10/2008 17:49

Aggh, I so strongly believe Christmas is about children, and therefore I put no thought in to adults presents except DH's (if he's lucky).

And I personally am fed up fo receiving countless candles, bubble bath and photo frames. They are lovely, but I have too much of this stuff already. I just regift it to the school tomobola!

So adults if I have to buy for them get vouchers - unless shortbread is an option. But everyone is strongly encouraged just to buy for the DC's as we will do for theirs, and the DC's do personal, home made stuff older relatives.

My ideal Christmas focus is feeding everyone tasty treats, exciting my children to fever pitch, creating magic in there minds, having lots of twinkly stuff around the house and making everywhere smell like cinamon

expatinscotland · 10/10/2008 17:50

'And I personally am fed up fo receiving countless candles, bubble bath and photo frames. They are lovely, but I have too much of this stuff already. I just regift it to the school tomobola!'

They also make big money at boot sales, for some reason.

Lowfat · 10/10/2008 17:53

So expat - what you are saying is that I could have had the same stuff given to me years in a rowe

MIL actually gave me 2 bottles of Avon bubblebath last year - but she had poked her finger in the seal at the top of each bottle - to check the aroma I presume. Probably regifting as well then

expatinscotland · 10/10/2008 17:55

i'm saying, flog them in a boot sale and pool the money to get yourself something you like .

Lowfat · 10/10/2008 17:56

Dont have a car boot (or a car). Still it helps the school!

claireyBOOOO · 10/10/2008 18:01

In the family we do presents for children only and me and my friends do a secret santa so we only have to buy one present each.

Troutpout · 10/10/2008 18:20

We decided to do this (just buying kids)..although sometimes i wish i had decided to just buy the adults and not bother with the kids!
They get so much (the kids) It's a really big family (9 sets of aunties and uncles).. It's quite obscene and the adults sit around just watching it all.Kind of weird in a way.
In hindsight we should have done a bran tub kind of thing from one set of siblings family to anothers so that each family buys a family gift for one other family.

Juliette108 · 10/10/2008 18:23

We have done a five quid rule for years;it is brilliant and it gets easier each year. 'Christmas is for kids' is one of those meaningless phrases. It is a time for everyone if you like it, no-one if you don't. We all have way way too much stuff and I thoroughly recommend the five pound rule. If someone 'requests' something more, people club together.

expatinscotland · 10/10/2008 18:26

My dad's family did the name swap/draw a name out of a hat even for the kids when it just got too big and out of control to buy for even all the kids - considering there were once 20 of us who were 'kids' (he comes from a family of 6 kids).

Every person draw someone else's name and that was the only pressie you brought to teh big Xmas Eve gathering.

Made it SO much easier and you can buy a nice quality gift rather than a bunch of tatt.

aGalChangedHerName · 10/10/2008 18:29

I have ended the pointless exchanging of cards with vouchers for Next/JJB or other.

I always bought for my db's dc's and he for mine but i'd rather spend it on my own tbh.

merryandmad · 10/10/2008 18:47

We agreed a couple of years ago with cousins etc, that we would only buy for the kids.

All of us are newly moving in togther, with young children etc, so just couldn't afford to do it.

Basically said I know we don't give to receive, but I would feel less guilty about not buying them something if they didn''t buy us something in return.

All agreed and all were relieved- it saves us loads at christmas.

SummatAnNowt · 10/10/2008 18:48

I told my sis we should just do presents for the children, she wasn't impressed as she's childfree We are making food presents instead, some useful for Christmas, like mincemeat.

I plan on asking my brother if we can borrow his Xbox 360 and Halo 3 over Christmas as a Christmas present, especially as he's spending Christmas away.

JiminyCricket · 10/10/2008 18:50

two years ago me, my mum, my bruv and my sis decided only to buy presents for the kids (only me and my bro have kids). My Dad and his wife still buy us presents becasue they want to but don't expect anything (as far as I know). I usually bake some biscuits or something and they all pretend to be delighted . We buy decent presents for each other and the kids and do stockings. On Christmas day we are open house as we prefer to stay at home but everyone who comes is asked to bring either xmas pudding and cream/alternative pudding/wine/crackers/similar so we have a really loveley shared dinner and no one feels bad about relying on our hospitality. Someone always organises/brings games. i have to say it is brilliant and very unstressful. I have never really done christmas cards and don't obviously mind that we don't get many!

moondog · 10/10/2008 18:50

Oh do it. i would really so rather not have to deal with tat. My theory is that there is a vast bulk of stuff stuck foir eternity in school tombolas. Usually cheap bubble baths nad lotions nestling in wicker baskets.

Smashing.

moondog · 10/10/2008 18:51

Qlthough would be delighted with home made biscuits or similar. Best pressie last year was a home mad pud.

AuntieMaggie · 10/10/2008 18:57

I only buy for my parents, DP and sisters DC. A few years ago I was in hospital over xmas and didn't buy any presents because of that and had such a better time because it was about spending time with people and not having to stress about buying presents.

I've since announced every year that I would only buy for DC and parents as they usually get me something special.

I know some of my family think it's stingy but its so much better not having to stress about what to buy people when in reality they don't really need or want anyting.

Also it's so much better not worrying about how much money I'm spending.

I still buy birthday presents but have scaled down how much I spend.

expatinscotland · 10/10/2008 18:57

i want a jar of stem ginger in syrup for Xmas.