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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not send Ds's to harvest festival this morning??????????

188 replies

frangipan · 08/10/2008 07:55

Its a matter of principal I suppose.
last year and this year each child has to find 1 of each coin of the realm (£1.88) and tape it to a sheet to take into harvest for wateraid in underdeveloped countries.
We always used to send in food for the local community which was great, we all had a choice to send what we could spare, whether that was a tin of beans or a bag full, it was all put together and taken into church.
Now I feel we are being forced to give money to cause I know nothing about...and if I don't send DS's in with it they will be ostricised(sp) from the service and I don't feel happy about that, so I'm keeping them off until 11.30 AIBU...probrably
so what do you think?????

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 08/10/2008 09:42

yanbu - a harvest festival is for the local community with food goods being given to those in need locally. Charity beings at home & kids should see how they can help their local community. Seeing an elderly person benefiting is great & this positive experience will help them to seek out other ways to help out where they live.

titchy · 08/10/2008 09:43

TBH if you're going to take your children out of school every time you disagree with something that they're doing, be it a church festival that doesn't meet your 'tradition/community etc' criteria, or having a mufti day to raise money for a charity you don't want to give to, or having a sponsered whatever to raise money for the school you may as well HE. At least then you'd be sure your principles remained in tact.

IMO if you send them to school then they become part of the school community and you should stick with their rules/ideas etc. Obviously if there are so many things the school does that you disagree with then they're in the wrong school for you/them, but if you're happy with most of the stuff they do then I think you should go along with the odd thing that ruffles your feathers to show your dcs the importance of supporting the school community.

And put your money where your mouth is - it's all very well having a strop and saying I don't believe they should do this/that/the other so I'm going to take them out of school - get involved and try and make your views known. Offer to facilitate change in some way.

FAQ · 08/10/2008 09:43

aha Custardo - that's it

Original poster
frangipan · 08/10/2008 09:56

I didn't keep them off to make a stand as such. I didn't want them to be the only ones sat in the pews with no sheet with 1.88 taped to it (emotional blackmail for the parent/using children??) , they can tell the other children whatever they want as to why they weren't there, abducted by aliens/ufo in the front garden....school know I didn't want them to attend the harvest festival, we're going out shortly to go to school!
I will gladly support overseas charities, just not at Harvest festival, and a donation doesn't specify how much...
feel like I've opened up a can of worms here!!!!

OP posts:
NotBigNotClever · 08/10/2008 10:00

I really, really dislike being told by the school that I have to donate. Happens on a very regular basis and it feels like a tax, frankly. I don't think it teaches the children anything at all, because it's not their money, is it? If they set the children the task of try to earn their pound by doing something and then donating that pound (or however much) then I could see the point. Otherwise I would rather be left to make my own decision about which charity to donate to.

Original poster
frangipan · 08/10/2008 10:01

I didn't mind it last year as a one off, but not to replace harvest again.
Titchy -you are making generalisations and missing some of the point....
I sent them to this school bacause of their principles and ethics, but if they change them and I don't agree it is beneficial to the children.....then I'll say something.

OP posts:
Original poster
frangipan · 08/10/2008 10:02

FAQ are you saying sod the local community???

OP posts:
mummyloveslucy · 08/10/2008 10:02

At my daughters school, they walked down to the local old peoples home and gave their produce and sang a few songs.
They love it apparently. The people in the home are not starving though and are well cared for. I would be pleased to send in a contribution to water aid, as these people really are in need. I don't think any of us could possibly imagine what it's like to live and try to survive as they do.
Keeping your child off school because you won't donate £1.88 to a very worthy cause is just heartless in my oppinion, and what's it teaching your children?

Original poster
frangipan · 08/10/2008 10:03

PS am not having a strop..i'm a grown woman, please don't be personal titchy this is just a debate....

OP posts:
Original poster
frangipan · 08/10/2008 10:05

I haven't said i wouldn't donate mml, just not as a replacement to harvest festival...sigh..............

OP posts:
FAQ · 08/10/2008 10:05

No I'm not - but there really is only so much stuff any local organisation can take and actually use.

Harvest used to be about locally produced goods, now food is a global thing and it seems all to easy to "neglect" (for want of a better word) those that provide a large % of our food for us in favour of doing what is "tradition" (which isn't really that long standing a tradition anyhow).

Original poster
frangipan · 08/10/2008 10:05

OFF TO SCHOOL NOW, SEE YOU LATER[WINK]

OP posts:
MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 08/10/2008 10:07

Yes, but I think it's as titchy say.

All these various collections of money or stuff are about the children doing something together as a community and thinking of others who are in need. Some of the charities we've supported through the school wouldn't have been top of my list of charities to donate to, either, but I still want my child to have the experience of taking part.

If you are so determined not to donate £1.88 to WaterAid that you keep your children off school, then it seems to me that 'taking a stand' is a reasonable description. If it was only about the size of the donation, how about taping 50p (or whatever) to the card? Surely they don't have a cashier standing by the altar to check the money?

cupsoftea · 08/10/2008 10:10

food collections can be used locally

Homeless projects would be where I'd start - why not ask the parents to look up local charty needs. Get the kids involved. Also the salvation army, elderly in need - check out with help the aged, families who need help ....

mummyloveslucy · 08/10/2008 10:15

Well, why don't you send your children in with their donations, let them be part of the service, and then if you like you could donate a bag of spuds to your local old peoples home or homeless shelter.
That way, you'd both be happy.
You could even let your children "earn" their £1.88 by doing a simple chore. That way you could say "you earned that money so now because of your kindness, a child in a poor country can now have some fresh water to drink.
You could make them feel good about giving, and teach them that harvest festival is all about helping people.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 08/10/2008 10:15

cupsoftea - yes they can, if the organisation wants them. Some of those near us have said 'no more' as they just can't cope with the volume of stuff which comes their way every year. That's why I suggested that OP should check whether there is any organisation close to her that would actually want the school's donations.

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 10:17

No YANBU

The school are being unreasonable in doing this cackhanded thing. WaterAid is a brilliant cause - I have a directdebit to them - but it isn't appropriate to emotionally blackmail parents into donating.

Also I think taking the harvest boxes out is part of the school's engagement with the local community and is a very important part of school life.

cupsoftea · 08/10/2008 10:17

Goodness MadBad - good point to check - if not what about crisis at christmas projects or collecting dried goods like tea, coffee, tins

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 10:18

My DD's school takes boxes ot local pensioner's who've either asked or been nominated. Lots of the old biddies love it, they have tea and cake ready for the children when they come round. Neighbours know it's that time of year again, it's re-inforcing the school's visibility in the community, motherhood and apple-pie etc.

bamboostalks · 08/10/2008 10:19

I think you have a point but I would never keep my children off school to prove such a point. How strange.

titchy · 08/10/2008 10:21

Old Chinese proverb - 'One Harvest Festival a year does not a Community Make...'

FAQ · 08/10/2008 10:22

Titchy - but fair point.

FlirtyThirty · 08/10/2008 10:22

YABU.

No access to water, or a clean supply, has direct impacts on harvest. The school may be choosing to support Wateraid this year, but the church will doubtless still have a more community based harvest festival for their regular congregation, which will serve to support the local people. Sounds like your school has a refreshing approach to me.

GooseyLoosey · 08/10/2008 10:23

I assume they are not counting £2 coins then? TBH I would be irritated by this too, but I would not keep the dcs off and would go along with it - although I might tell the school that I did not like this idea and would prefer to go back to tins of beans.

LittleBella · 08/10/2008 10:27

Why can't they do both?

The most irritating thing I would find, is having to find all those different coins and sellotape them on to a card.

FGS just ask for a donation and don't make me faff around with sticky-back tape.

titchy, slightly more modern chinese proverb (Mao): A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

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