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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset with my sons nursery

77 replies

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 20:10

My son of 11 months hs just started nursery once a week, as I work PT. He has found it hard to settle in and whilst very energtic and happy at home and at nanny's, at nursery he is very clingy etc.

I called this morning to see if he was ok after a restless night with a runny nose. They said he wouldn't go to sleep and was creating quite a fuss! I decided to pick him up early and take him to the doctors as his nose is really bothering him.

The doctor said he was a little dry and asked how his drinking was going with a runny nose. Now being at nursery all day I had to rely on the previous day at home and what the Keyworker had said today (all fine).

When I got home however and unpacked his bags I was shocked to find no milk had been opened! He had missed both bottles. At this point I burst into tears, phoned the nursery and also added that his bottom is always sore after nursery, his face is always covered in food and snot and no one had given him his milk hence he was very upset at nap time!!!!!

The nursery has an Outstanding grading by OFSTED but each week its something else. The keyworker scheme seems to be useless as they move around the room and not with your child so the same person doesn't feed him or give him his milk.......I can only assume thats why he was missed.

They said they were very very sorry and would look into it.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 07/10/2008 21:45

hugs are a good idea nooOOOoonki

((((((((((((((((((((goldie))))))))))))))))))))

This is not your fault, this is their fault.

Ring them tomorrow, ask questions to get it clear in your head then sleep on it and see how you feel, if the trust has gone then you need to search for someone else to look after him.

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 21:58

Thank-you lovemygirls and wendyjayb I feel a bit more in control now. I am going to put it all into writing and go in with my husband, fingers crossed, to have a frank discussion........ must stop crying by then though!

OP posts:
Starbear · 07/10/2008 22:06

Goldy Good idea most!! men love a plan and a solution. get him to help you solve this. My DH is happy this way. Hope it works out

Starbear · 07/10/2008 22:08

Now I have to give myself only 5 mins more on this machine and do something sensible. maybe I'm slipping around as I've put 1/2 stone on in a year too. Must get back on track.

FeelingLucky · 07/10/2008 22:08

You can never expect too much for your baby so please don;t feel you are being unreasonable.
Do not wait until next Tuesday to talk to them.
Phone them first thing in the morning and give them HELL!!

Starbear · 07/10/2008 22:08

Ops! wrong thread ha ha

merryberry · 07/10/2008 22:10

i'd take milk, food, nappies given consistently by a shifting rota of anyone TBH. i don't rate having same carer all the time as more important than that. good luck

loobeylou · 07/10/2008 22:15

That is shocking, do they have staffing issues - not enough, lots off sick, rapid turnover, inexperienced etc? Not that there is any excuse, just trying to work out how/why this would happen

very unsatisfactory, def report them!

ShyBaby · 07/10/2008 22:16

Take him out. Unacceptable. Dd attended a private nursery from the age of 14 months until she started school a few weeks ago. I have never had any issue with them. They were brilliant. (and im a fussy bugger)

It is not you. You shouldn't even have to discuss this with them.

"They said they were very very sorry and would look into it."

Tough (for them).

Find him somewhere else

mabanana · 07/10/2008 22:18

Please trust your instincts. You will regret it for so long if you don't. It's easy to think when you are a first time mother that stuff must be normal and everyone else puts up with it etc, but that's not necessarily true. Also, very importantly, if you are worrying all the time about your baby YOU won't be happy, and that's very important too.

ShyBaby · 07/10/2008 22:24

You tell it so much better than me mabanana! There's no excuse. We live in a bit of a rough area, backstreet nursery, wouldn't even know it was there, but they are wonderful. The standard of care was excellent.

jelliebelly · 07/10/2008 22:26

Just to echo what others have said - this is unacceptable. My ds has been at nursery full time since 6 mths old (he is now 3) and there is no way I would be happy leaving him somewhere like that. The nursery that we used gave us a sheet every evening that listed what he had eaten/what milk he had and when and at what times his nappy had been changed - they should have a routine for changing wet nappies but dirty nappies should be changed as soon as they are noticed ie straight away.

I would also be unhappy about open plan 0-3 years - our nursery has a baby room (up to 12 mths) then a young toddler room (1-2yrs), older toddlers (2-3yrs) then preschool room - they have a separate sleep room for all but the preschool too.

You definitely need to have a chat about what their policies for these issues are and how they could have been missed - I think you should also consider other childcare - either an alternative nursery or childminder/family because given your experience I don't think you will ever feel comfortable with this nursery (just goes to show what good Ofsted reports are!!)

Please don't blame yourself - you are not overreacting and it is not your fault.

ShyBaby · 07/10/2008 22:51

Sounds like ours jellie. Baby room, room for "crawlers", room for toddlers then another three rooms for various stages and the main room for preschool. Also two sleep rooms (nursery was split on two levels). Book to look at every night re feeding and nappy changes (in the early rooms), as soon as you walked in the door they were there with "the book"!

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 08/10/2008 21:28

Just to say once again thank-you so much for all your support. I really needed it!

I have arranged to visit a childminder tomorrow and also arranged to have a meeting on Friday with the nursery and my husband to tell them face to face how upset we are. I'm hoping the child minder will be lovely.......fingers crossed.

Once again thank-you xx

OP posts:
ShyBaby · 08/10/2008 23:07

Hope it goes well goldilocks, dont forget though that not all nurseries are like this, some are really great. If childminder doesn't work out then do look at other nurseries.

My ds always had a childminder and she was wonderful (ds quite a timid child). Dd had her nursery (dd more confident), she loved it. Completely different children mine but both did well with their childcare.

Let us know how you get on.

babbi · 09/10/2008 00:03

Why dont you use the other family options that are available ? To me it is just crazy to use a nursery or childminder for just one day a week anyway , but if you have another option ie a loving family member willing to take good care of your child why on earth dont you take them up on it ??

ShyBaby · 09/10/2008 00:10

Maybe those family members are just there for emergency childcare babbi and aren't willing to commit to anything permanent?

MollieO · 09/10/2008 08:56

I think you can be lucky or unlucky with childcare but failing to feed your baby is absolutely appalling. If that was my dc I would be making a formal complaint to Ofsted, removing my dc immediately and looking for alternative childcare.

I looked at a lovely day nursery near me when I was pregnant and registered my ds. When he was born prem I decided that he needed someone more experienced than the average nursery nurse to look after him. I returned to work at 10 mths but he had delayed development and I was concerned that at a day nursery there were too many different carers to ensure they were all briefed properly with his medical needs. Instead I chose a childminder. At least that way I knew that the person I was briefing on what happened with him in the night or previous day was the person who would be looking after him.

I later heard that the nursery I had liked (which had an outstanding Ofsted too) managed to 'lose' a child. Child couldn't be found when mum came to collect. After 30 mins of looking they found the child in a locked classroom.

echt · 09/10/2008 09:54

This will sound grim, but take him away and get a childminder. Once the silly sods at the nursery twig you've checked the bottles, what's to stop them pouring away an unused bottle in future? Better safe than sorry.

soon2be3 · 09/10/2008 10:56

Never rely on the OFSTED report. A nursery is only as good as its staff.

Speak to the staff and see what they have to say for themselves. If you are not happy, don't say anything until you have found another suitable nursery/childminder/nanny.

Once the place is confirmed at the alternative, take your child out and submit a complaint to OFSTED, remembering to send a copy to the nursery manager.

I did this, with the exception to submitting a complaint to OFSTED, although now I wish I had done so, and that was that.

All children happy now!

jelliebelly · 09/10/2008 10:58

Echt - whose to say that a childminder wouldn't be capable of this too?

singingtree · 09/10/2008 11:18

I agree with soon2be. Raise it with them informally now, find alternative childcare and then put in a formal complaint when you've found an alternative.

FWIW I have looked at a lot of nurseries recently and now I have found a really good (but scruffy) one shudder to think how nearly we put DS in a nursery where the facilities were spanking new but the children just didn't look all that happy. Not unhappy, just not happy. It makes a big difference. I also didn't like open plan for 0-3 year olds, it seems very noisy for the younger children and children crying and not being comforted would set off big alarm bells for me too.

Good luck, it is so so hard isn't it. I am no expert but I have heard people say that they think children find it hard to settle in nurseries if they only do a day a week, so it might be worth checking out a cm - perhaps that would be easier on him?

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 09/10/2008 22:39

Just an update. I have been in touch with two recommended Childminders and are going to visit them next week. My husband and I are going to a meeting at the nursery tomorrow at 5pm........feeling sick at the thought. We want to know what went wrong, why their keyworker system doesn't work and why the vast ammount of babies time is spent 'roaming' and not engaged with an adult. What systems do they have in place to make sure all children are fed and changed. I'm not quite sure what they will say, I'm really nervous about going.

I know many of you think i'm mad for choosing a nursery once a week but before he started he seemed very confident and lively in new situations and LOVES being around other children, its only since he has started that he has suddenly changed and become very anxious......I should have spotted the signs earlier but I thought all children found it hard and at 10 months many get clingy.

I have really messed up and really need to get thinsg right now. How should I approach the meeting??

OP posts:
Starbear · 09/10/2008 22:53

Goldilocks, deep breaths. Dress in a business like manner. It will give you confidence. My DS had been in nursery for 2 half years and we were very happy. Then they moved him up to the next room (just so you know) our nursery has two babyrooms, three toddler rooms, and three pre-school rooms. and they move up like school (just quicker)
He was moved to the next room up with only a couple of other friends and away from his best friend. We noticed (my mum as well) that when we collected him he was chewing the sleeves of his t-shirt he wasn't happy to go in and other little signs. I knew he was otherwise well looked after. We had a chat with other parents and found out that the kids that had grown up together were missing each other. My DH did most of the talking as I think I would have blown up. DH then told them we were going to take him out (wait a min) they moved him back within a week. Very happy now. Does not want to come home. But not feeding is another story find a new place ASAP. Good luck

peasoup · 09/10/2008 22:56

Well I think you know that you don't want him to go back there as you will just always worry after this incident, so the meeting needn't be to iron out the problems; it could just be to tell them how shoddy you think they are! I think a childminder or a nanny would feel better for you on the days when you can't use family. I'd never be happy to leave my DS there again after that.