Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset with my sons nursery

77 replies

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 20:10

My son of 11 months hs just started nursery once a week, as I work PT. He has found it hard to settle in and whilst very energtic and happy at home and at nanny's, at nursery he is very clingy etc.

I called this morning to see if he was ok after a restless night with a runny nose. They said he wouldn't go to sleep and was creating quite a fuss! I decided to pick him up early and take him to the doctors as his nose is really bothering him.

The doctor said he was a little dry and asked how his drinking was going with a runny nose. Now being at nursery all day I had to rely on the previous day at home and what the Keyworker had said today (all fine).

When I got home however and unpacked his bags I was shocked to find no milk had been opened! He had missed both bottles. At this point I burst into tears, phoned the nursery and also added that his bottom is always sore after nursery, his face is always covered in food and snot and no one had given him his milk hence he was very upset at nap time!!!!!

The nursery has an Outstanding grading by OFSTED but each week its something else. The keyworker scheme seems to be useless as they move around the room and not with your child so the same person doesn't feed him or give him his milk.......I can only assume thats why he was missed.

They said they were very very sorry and would look into it.

OP posts:
FeelingLucky · 07/10/2008 20:28

That's awful. Really feel for you.
Why does your DH want to give it until Christmas?

FWIW - I had lots of problems with my DD's nursery - she started when she was 11 months too. Nothing got sorted until I had a big showdown with them and kicked a huge fuss, now everything is fine and they make a huge effort with DD. Don;t care if they think I'm a difficult Mum or they;re scared of me as long as my DD is okay.

If you do have to give it to Christmas, maybe you should speak to manager of nursery and express your anger and mention reporting to OFSTED. It might be a one-off, but only you know ... trust your instincts.

Your poor DS

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 20:29

I put a detailed menu in his meal bag every week. They changed their policy on milk feeds last week and so asked me to bring in cartons of ready made milk instead of power, which I did, and thanked me this morning! Only to then not give him any. I just can't stop crying.......feel like I have failed him and my husband is being totally unhelpful. He think everyone makes mistakes

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 07/10/2008 20:31

you haven't failed him Goldilocks

Your DH is not being much of a support - a mistake is sending your DS home in the wrong shoes (ahppened to me) not FORGETTING to feed him

you have done the right thing by complaining

itgetseasier · 07/10/2008 20:31

YANBU. Take him out ASAP. Poor lad and mummy!

ruddynorah · 07/10/2008 20:31

what do you mean a menu? how often would you have given him milk at home?

quaranta · 07/10/2008 20:32

AWFUL. never let him back, poor litttle ds .hope you find someone lovely for him soon and definitely complain. ignore your husband on this one - go with YOUR instinct and don't if you possibly can avoid it let him go back there. good luck!

Dropdeadfred · 07/10/2008 20:35

how often does he have milk?

LynetteScavo · 07/10/2008 20:36

This just goes to show how pants the ofted ratings can be.

pattymc · 07/10/2008 20:37

goldilocks I really feel for you as i have recently moved my DS from one nursery as I wasn't happy with a few things and trust was broken and my instinct said it wasn't the right place for him (despite having 2 friends with kids in the same class.) I couldn't sleep and felt more stressed than I have felt for a long long time and immediately looked around 3 more nurseries. The nursery he is in now is so so different from the first. Everyone says it but it really is down to instinct and the people that are working there and the atmosphere at his new nursery just feels right. it's also a quarter of the size which suits us better. I totally understand how you are feeling. Unless you can trust them you will never relax whilst he is in their care.

MrsMattie · 07/10/2008 20:39

That's shocking. Complain. But a bit at all the 'childminder!' responses. there are loads of fantastic nurseries - in fact, the vast majority wouldn't behave in such a neglectful manner towards a baby.

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 20:40

By menu I mean what he eats/drinks and at what time.

So they day started at 8am with breakfast, toast and jam, yogart, fruit then 10am 6oz milk and nap, lunch at 12 Chicken and vegetables, Water and Fruit Salad, 2pm 4oz milk, 4pm Tea Beef Stew and Rice Pudding, Water.

What makes the whole thing worse is that he has an apnea monitor as we had a cot death in the family. After a bad nights sleep I was really keen for them to keep a really close eye on him and had a long converstion with them this morning about having a nice bottle of milk then a good sleep, with his monitor on as he was a bit snuffly and I was a bit anxious.........I should never have sent him

OP posts:
gingerninja · 07/10/2008 20:43

That doesn't sound good. You need to go in and talk to them, you'll never be happy leaving him again if you don't resolve this.

The key worker thing in our DD's nursery means just that one person is responsible for checking that their child has had the necessary changes, feeds, books filled in etc it doesn't mean necessarily that they do everything for the child.

I think one day a week is probably not helping with settling as it's a really long time between visits but that is another issue.

Is there any chance that if he was ill he just wasn't interested in milk that day? Perhaps they tried him with stuff they had there. Did he have any water?

Try not to read too much into it until you've had a chance to talk to them just in case there is a genuine and legitimate reason for the milk being in the bag. Otherwise you may make a decision in haste that you might regret later. Hope it all works out

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 20:49

The thing is his milk wasn't even opened and his bottles unused. His keyworker didn't know who had given him milk as I asked if he liked the ready made milk as I left.

Even if this hadn't have happened I was beginning to have worries, I have arrived unanounched 3 times now and it always seems so disorganised and there are always at least 1 or 2 babies upset. Its open plan for 0-3 year olds which worries me too. They never seem to use his nappy cream.

Am I expectung too much like my husband thinks, only I never thought you could expect to much for your beautiful baby.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 07/10/2008 20:52

they are getting the fundamentals wrong

nappy changes, feeding should be SO basic and structured into the day that they are impossible to over look - if you have asked them to use nappy cream, they should

his keyworker shoudl give him his mikl, and if not she should know who has

babies being upset - are they being comforted?

your DH is being too lenient on the nursery

thisisyesterday · 07/10/2008 20:57

no, you aren't expecting too much. not at all.

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 20:59

I am a first time mum and at times feel like I are trying so hard just to keep treading water .......reading all the ofsted reports, visting nursrey's, feeding him organic, going back PT etc etc etc. The weight of the world rests with me, Why can't my husband make these decisions!

Tuesday is only a week away......what do I do.......shall we both go in for a meeting......do I start to find a childminder......shall I ask family next week until we sort it out.......shall I go sick at work next week but then what......

I feel sick

OP posts:
Starbear · 07/10/2008 21:02

Goldie, Does he have to go to nursery? Do you work? If you do who can you get to help you out?

Starbear · 07/10/2008 21:05

Oops You work part-time. I wouldn't send my little one back. MY nursery have been fab since DS was 9 months. He is now 4 and said he would like to spend more time at nursery.
He is only there part-time. You can find good ones but go with your gut. I went to one that smelt of wee everywhere Did have a penny off me.

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 21:10

I could ask family, my mum has him Monday and Wednesday which is great. The trouble is my sister and aunt would have to juggle it between them and I really wnat him to have consistancy. Having read through the posts I feel worse now that I didn't think about 1 day being hard on him. My mum has suggested sending him 2 mornings and she will pick up so his days are shorter but I just don't want him there.

I have to get this right as if I move him he has to adapt again....... [shocked]

OP posts:
Starbear · 07/10/2008 21:19

Find something new. For example at first I worked late's 2-10pm Mum and nephew (his gap summer) looked after him from 1pm until DH got home at 7pm 2-3 days a week. This was not good as DS & DH missed me at bedtime. He would cry until 9pm! Now I work 8ish -5pm DS goes to nursery 7.50am - 6pm on Tuesday (Need to give Mum at break she's 70) Wednesday & Friday until 1pm when Mum picks him up at 1pm. Worked so far. Now Mum takes him swimming on Wednesday as I need her to just sit down (her knees!)It all going to change next year. Jiggle around until it works whats a few days or weeks when you think about a life time

Pria · 07/10/2008 21:20

So sorry for you incurring such incompetance and subsequant childcare dilemas, and your DS being unhappy. I have four DC and used a variety of childcare, like you only ever P/T.

Visited many nurseries, in more than one town, when considering child care and I have never visted one I would be happy leaving baby in.(sorry)

Trust you instincts.

nooOOOoonki · 07/10/2008 21:30

Poor you that is really awful
that is not acceptable at all.

I would consider a childminder. See if someone can have him next week and then look for other arrangements.

i love my childminder, she is loving, responsive and involved with my children, she remembers all the things they like and spends ages discussing any issues I/she has.

You should go and see a lot of childminders, ask for references and speak to other parents who have their children there, go with you gut...

I know what you mean about having to make all of the decision about childcare, but it I think that makes you a loving Mum x ()

nooOOOoonki · 07/10/2008 21:32

sorry that last comment was meant to be.... but I think that caring that much makes you a loving mum !

Original poster
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 07/10/2008 21:36

Thank-you nooOOOoonki. x

OP posts:
Wendyjayb · 07/10/2008 21:44

Definatly pull him out, you pay them for a service and they are failing to provide that service
My ds was at full time nursery from 6 months old and we were so lucky, but go with your gut.
Try not to beat yourself up, us first time mums can't get it right every time

Swipe left for the next trending thread