to hate the term "special needs"

[witchandchips]

to find it at best patronising and at worst offensive. What does a wheelchair user have in common with some one on the austic spectrum? Apart from allocating funding across schools why do we need a catch all term, surely it plays into the hands of those who think anybody different is "stupid"

There was a really charming section on this phrase in The Strange Affair of the Dog in the Nighttime...

In case you haven't read it, it's narrated by a boy with autism. He's very astute.

He says that in the past kids would shot 'spastic' as an insult, so the word was changed to 'Special Needs'. So now kids shout 'Special Needs! Special Needs!' at him as an insult.

Okay, it was charming in the context of the book, I promise!

I agree that it's a difficult question; the language we use is important as it helps us to describe and explain our lives, but at the same time when you think about the range of conditions captured by the phrase 'special needs' it becomes apparent that such a huge umbrella term can't represent anything all that well.

time was when you could say normal- but that is long past

The social model doesn't really fit ds1's disability.

I just say "he can't talk". It gets better understanding than anything else.

onager, because the implication then is that my daughter and other disabled people are abnormal or subnormal. And that can be insulting as well as painful to hear.

my dd is normal

what is 'normal'? And who decides? Human ability and behaviour comes in a huge spectrum. Who decides what the cut off points are and those outside that are 'not normal'?
I wondered that when ds1 was dx with Aspergers. They'd take a behaviour such as not liking crowds and assign it to 'his apsergers' but plenty of people don't like crowds. I loathe them. I'd say its part of every day behaviour.
In fact, once he was out of school which is a very abnormal environment he became himself, not a collection of behaviours that didn't fit the narrow view of 'normal'.
It made me question the whole Aspie diagnosis to be honest.
It wasn't till recently that I realised that what he did was so far from 'average' which is why we got stared at

Onager is right that "normal surely means average, usual, common in this context"

Abnormal could be at any end of the spectrum - Einstein was seriously abnormal as is Kelly Holmes

Subnormal is half the population

Every one of us will be abnormal and subnormal in some ways, even when we don't have any additional needs. Depending on context the words don't have to be loaded.

My DS1 is kind of at the other end of all this stuff.
He firmly believes that everyone is somewhere on the spectrum and that there actually no longer is any normal - just degrees of being more or less average.
He has said since he was 10 that if you scratch the surface of anyone you will find low level compulsions and idiosyncracies that are only less obvious ifthey co-incide with average behaviour.

I used to laugh at him but now I am not so sure.

He thinks it is evoloutionary. He thinks we are moving towards a less sociable norm where people are taking one step back from direct interaction to make them feel more in control. Like internet relationships overwhelming face to face ones. And people creating whole modes of behaviour that exist in bubbles like the car or walking with i-pod or mobile phone on.

I think it is an interesting notion.
He frequently points out people exhibiting ASD behaviours in public with a nod and a "FOC" which is "friend of DS2" a la mitfords.

Not sure about the whole extended hypothesis but I really do think that normal is long gone

FWIW I find normal hugely offensive as it does imply that the opposite is abnormal. I prefer average.
DS2 is very far from average.

This discussion reminds me of dd's friend who came round for lunch, took one look at my stew and asked if she could have some normal food instead. Turned out normal food meant jam sandwiches. Not sure I find normal the most helpful word in the dictionary

I think he's probably right. 'Normal' is a huge range I reckon.
I can't bear chewing noises and loud music. Some people don't mind them. Doesn't mean I have a 'disorder' and they don't. Maybe they are the wierd ones

That thing about i-pods and car bubbles. Maybe in the futute there will be a disorder called 'excessive socialisation disorder' when weird people want to talk to others and make friends.
And there will be therapy for it and loads of books and ashamed parents.

Riven

I think the 'we're all on the spectrum" works to a point, but not when you've got someone who has so little control over their body they can't talk, and so little understanding of language that they can't think in a sentence. If we're "all on the spectrum" then you need a way to distinguish those who really are in some sort of parallel. I don't see ds1 as any sort of continuation of 'normal'- his difficulties are too profound and affect every minute of his day iyswim.

The problem I have with normal is that there can be tendency to see it as the 'aim' for a child like ds1. Which is a joke. His progress needs to be measured against himself, not 'normal' - that's not 'achievable' for him so should be held up as something to strive for. We need to see as much value in the place where he'll end up- NOT see it as some second rate version of 'normal'.

at Riven

Another approach to add to this fab topic.
What do the children like to hear?

My son has a Statement of SEN (for hypermobility) and hears special needs a lot altho additional needs is now creeping in, and he asks me to explain what additional means. I think he likes to think he is special in a school environment where he is now realising what he can and cannot due to his physical disability and more lately what he cannot do in PE/games, and the fact he may have to opt out of Y6 summer camp as it is 100% thrill seeking activities. Special does send positive vibes for him. He also calls himself disabled but makes the defination of what his disability is.

Children hear a lot of what is going on in school and at the meetings so a term which is child friendly would be great - so far, special has the thumbs up for us! Much greater than spastic and cripple which were used for me when I was growing up - I have hypermobility too - I would have loved to been called special and to have had the support the Statement gives and to have had inclusive education. \slightly off topic here so had better close before I sound as if I am taking centre stage at Speakers Corner!

Comments please! This is such a good topic to get us going!

Alison

riven good question...what is normal?
to me normal is lids like dd

I understand why some might see 'normal' as offensive because they see the opposite as 'abnormal' (though as said above abnormal can mean unusually gifted), but if you choose 'average' then people could say those with SN were 'below average' and you're back where you started.

Any word you assign to SN there will be a corresponding word for NOT SN. The NOT SN will be seen as positive and the SN replacement word will be seen as negative and so it goes on.

This is seperate from anyone using words as insults on purpose. There is no answer for that (aside from punching them)

I use disabled ats chool; I find there is more strength in the term- if I say Sn poeple seem to think I am referring to dyslexia as much as Asd

plus the whole dda obv

school likes additional need but in their form of additio 1+1 makes eff all

btw my ds's attend a rugby club called the specials for sn kids

the people who estabished that did so because they like the kids and genuinely want them involved- they're amazing

they are however not overly aware of terminology

give me fab people like the rugby team over terminology pedants every day!

I like NT and I quite like special needs. Going back to the OP what does the child in the wheelchair and the autistic kid have in common? WEll, they both have special needs!

onager
not sure I agree. I am happy to say my son is not average
Not happy to say he is not normal.

You selected below average.
I would just say not average.

But tbh you cannot legislate what others say anyway. And then i always react to intent. Had a lovely conversation with a lady once who was gorgeous and referred to DS2 as retarded all the way through ( and she wasn't American - that was just the word she grew up with I guess).
And have had many conversations with people who have used SN or LD in the most sneering way possible. My DH did offer to punch one of those btw it was on a plane and the flight attendent offered to help.

The common enominator is a requirement for extra suppor i order to maximise their potential

Qute frankly if we ever got that i'd be amazed- and I wouldn't give a flying fig what name or labels were used in order to achieve that!

extra support to maximise potential is problematic. Kids from families who enevr read to them and who are neglected need 'extra' support too. yet they are not 'SN' or disabled. They've just been dealt the shitty stick.
Its why I removed my kids from school. One size fits all education all aimed at the same goal does not suit everyone. It should be about an individuals potential and how to nuture that, not everyone getting the same with the same goals (GCSE or A level)
And yeah, cant see that happening. it doesn't happen for kids with nice clear labels like DD, let alone those who's 'behaviour' lies just outside the narrowly defined 'normal'.

Sadly its how society works. It creates what is 'normal' and this changes re fashion and those not plugged into it are seen as 'the other'. Gawds, girls who wear the slightly wrong hemline are ostracised and bullied. Kids who march to a different drummer face hideous bullying and turnng away of society.

It is problematic Riven but also its the ideal- wouldn't we all lie for all kids to get what they need, regard;ess of the family they come from or label?

Riven, my son with Aspergers is definitely getting specialist help at school and it is not one size fits all.