To take away my sons nintendo ds AND all his games for good? (and give it to his younger brother)

[QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow]

This was the third time he had it "temporarily withdrawn".

The first time when the teacher confiscated it in school when he sneaked off to play in the corridor outside the headmasters office, while all the other children were on break time outside. All the staff went on "missing child alert" and searched the grounds, prepared to call the police and report him missing. The teacher had told him to put it away because it was time to go out. Instead he sneaked off. (They are allowed one hour play time in the wednesday after school club, so one hour once a week.)

After a month, he profoundly declared he was sorry, head learnt his lesson, and he got it back on trial.
Two rules:
1.If a grown up asks you to put it away, you PUT IT AWAY.
2.If your brother wants to have a go, SHARE.

Of course, it wasnt long before he broke the rule. His brother wanted a go. He did let him, but took over to "help" him. Then when I asked him to put the nintendo away as we had to get ready to go out, he said he hadnt had enough of a go because it had been his brothers turn. "Well, it seems to me you played your brothers turn so have nothing to complain about, now put it away." He didnt, he sat down in his bed, but turned the volume down so I could not hear he was playing. So, I confiscated it.

After another couple of weeks, we had a talk about it again, and I told him, he would have to promise to follow the rules, and he repeated the rules to me so I was certain he had understood.

He got it back this evening. He played for an hour, he did not share with his brother. I asked him to put the game down to come to bed. I ask him THREE times. In the end my dh too SHOUTS at him to put it down NOW. THEN he put it down.

I took the games, all his games, and told him he had forfeited all his chances of having a Nintendo by constantly breaking the rules. I gave the bag of games and nintendo to his brother. He accepted happily.

AIBU????

Ah, you have changed your mind
Hope you sort something out.

mmm.
So now, as far as your DS1 is ocncerned, his little brother gets what he wants through chucking a tantrum is rewarded fo a tantrum by a go on DS1's DS , but when he himself behaves badly...his little brother gets even more of what was his in the first place.

TBH I think you have been harsh with him. And should have helped him control his DS use more in the first place.

I would now, perhaps, sit them both down, explain that neither of them will be playing with it for a while. DS1 has refused to stop when asked, DS2 is too young. In a month, if DS1 has been goo, he will get it back to play for 45 mins each day. DS2 will be allowed a short go AFTER Ds1 has had his turn - IF he is good. 3-5 is old enough to understand that - he isn't a toddler!

My friend has two sons age 5 and 6. They get to chose whether to watch childrens tv at 6pm (only one childrens program here, lasting 30 minutes) or play on their nintendos. When childrens tv is over, they have to hand the game back.

Should I maybe try that? Does it sound sensible?

Sorry - ignore the first two paras in my last post - x-posted.

OK - so, the three year old will get over the toy being given back. Te sharing thing is an issue - of course it is a bit much to expect the six year old to share with a three year old but maybe the rule will be, if you dont want your younger brother to play take yourself off and don't play in front of him. I do wonder if this is one of those times where you have to back down though, even though that is a big parenting taboo - its more about him ignoring you and your DH than the game. I would have thought that playing computor games at bedtime is shite anyway as i can never sleep when i have been online anyway. So, no DS after six pm then.

Mine all have them.. The games are MINE and live on a shelf just outside my bedroom door. If they play on a game one day, they cannot play that game th following day if someone else wants it. NO DS/PC/playstation is allowed on a schoolday, and they get a couple of hours at the weekend. I do confiscate them or ban them for misbehaviour and then either the extension cables are removed from static stuff, or the DS is removed into my room.

You should never have given it to his brother. Perfect way to breed intense jealousy and resentment from oldest to youngest. You need to initiate a system where he is allowed set time on it and then it is given back to you after a 5 min warning so he can save the game he is on. Don't let him take it to school/have it in his bedroom. These things really do fry their brains after a while and nothing penetrates because of the intensity of the concentration.

And your 3 year old needs to learn that some things belogn to his brother and they are not his to play with!

Quint - that sounds v sensible and manageable - and has a v clear time limit.

Good luck.

YABVU - why does he have to share something so precious (to him) with a 3 year old? Why do you let him take it to school?

Blu - I like your suggestion.

And yes. - That is the logic of it, put in those terms. grrrrr. at self.

However, I might suggest he can play for 30 minutes AFTER childrens TV, and then his brother can have a go.

I did not realize I would have to police this so.

Take it from him, if you really feel that is the right thing to do. Personally I am with WWW and the timed use of it.

DO NOT give it to his brother. He is too young, DS the elder, will spend his time trying to show DS the younger how to play the games, and you will have lost the moral high ground. IMO

I do think these things need policing because they are addictive and they don't have enough impulse control (is that the expression I want, maybe not!), control anyway to decide, logically "right, I've had half an hour of that and now I ought to go and do something that is a bit more edifying" - it would be lovely if they did but they don't! I speak as someone who had TERRIBLE behaviour problems caused by letting a 4yo play too much playstation. I didn't know any better (hadn;'t found mn!) and he was a lot happier once I restricted it.

So maybe just after tea, before childrens tv.

And we do have some really simple games, such as Nintendogs, Pet hotel, and Happy Feet. Maybe his brother can be restricted to those games only? (Rather than lego starwars, Legend of Ang, pokemon, etc....)

Oh, I have handled this all so badly.

Agree with WWW.

Sit down with them both and explain you were wrong and what's going to happen in future.

I think that for an addicted 6.5 yo, a week or two without a DS would be long enough - will feel an age to them. The idea of Nintendo or TV is quite a good one - BUT only if the DS doesn't make him too alert at bedtime!

I didn't want my 3yo to play with DS1's DS (sorry all these "DS" terms getting complicated!) but unfortunately, his V smile broke just after the arrival of other son's DS. I decided to chance letting him have a go on mine, and have to say, despite my reservations, he's handled it very carefully and can play Supermario Bros so well he can beat his 7yo brother!

However, he is also very restricted to when he can play (usually on a car journey) and when he has his own, will be. I think it's VERY important.

I also think you should think about what you do AFTER the Ds time is over, eg if you say "stop that, come and do some chores" they will be less eager to give it up (not that they have to be eager, they haven't got a choice as it is a rule) but it;s still better to say "stop now, and I'm going to read you that story/we're going to do something nice" or something iyswim. Good luck with it.

I definitely think that sharing it with his brother is too much to expect. And I really do think that a 3.5 yo should not be spending time playing on a nintendo.

I think you need to manage your younger child's tantrums over not getting his own way, rather than expecting your older child to do it, by sharing things that are not appropriate to be shared.

It sounds to be like you expect way too much from your older child - really way beyond what a 6.5yo is capable of understanding. And very punative in approach too, if he transgresses. Perhaps you need to lighten up on him a bit?

Don't beat yourself up, you did your best and now you might try something different and it may work better! It's ok, none of us is perfect and I fked up BIG time with the PS2 years ago, really!

Oops sorry - just read the rest of the thread - trust me to post after just reading the OP!

It sounds like you have already had good advice adn are taking it

Just going with what everyone else says, really. I too think it's OK to back down in this case and just explain that you were really angry because of how disappointed you felt; you've calmed down and had time to think about what to do....

My boys have DSs and I keep them in my room, because the temptation is just too great if they have them. We use timers, and we use rewards (no DS or Wii till after snack, homework, music practice etc).

Quint i think you realise that givin the DS to DS2 was a BAD idea but now you need a way round it.

If i was in your shoes i would buy another DS and explain to DS2 that that it is mummy's DS but from now on the 2 DS's will be family DS's and that they will be kept in a specific place and that they can be played with when asked for and for set time periods. You and your DH could have a go to re-inforce this (i love my DS Lite and my Wii!!!)

You explain this to DS1

Also get some communal games for it to turn it into a more social activity

No idea if this would work but its a suggestion

Good luck

So, we should have a schedule.
Home from school. Eat. Music practice, homework. Nintendo time and or Childrens tv. Winding down to bed and evening meal. Bed.

I can do this.

Thanks.