to "tell off" a woman who spoke harshly to dd?

[canofworms]

We were in a coffee shop today and dd had her chair with the back against another table.

I hadn't noticed but she kept pushing her feet against the table and knocking her chair into this woman's table.

The 3rd time she did it the woman became irate (as you would) but put her hand in dd's face and told her in a rather loud/irritated/nasty voice to stop doing it as she couldn't concentrate reading her paper and pointed out it was the 3rd time she'd done it.

My dh was sat next to her and apologised and said he'd told her off for doing it as well.

But I was so irritated that she was so horrible to a young child that on the way out I put my face in hers and said if she had an issue with a young child to either raise it with the parents instead or be a bit nicer about it. She was pretty shitty back but I ignored her and walked out.

Now dd was in the wrong and annoying but surely that's for us to sort out, no to scare her so much?!

[harpsichordcarrier]

why should people live and let live?
well, because that is the root of a civilised society and civilised behaviour imo.
what's the alternative?

[handlemecarefully]

Well I was referring to the first part of the saying as I don't think the latter part is pertinent in this case....

[ivykaty44]

If people are annoying you you are telling me that you are going to respect them cos to go through life otherwise would be sad - get real

[GobbledigookisThrifty]

Well, if people are annoying you there is a polite and respectful way to go about speaking to them about it.

Not rocket science really.

[handlemecarefully]

(Hi Gdg - nice to see you!)

[Spaceman]

It's the getting aggressive that's the problem. On both accounts. I would make a show of telling off my child, I wouldn't turn on someone who had told my child off, but similarly I wouldn't get uppity about some kid knocking my table in a cafe - what usually it's the cafe's fault for having the tables right next to each other anyway. Get a life and put your energies into the greater good.

[slayerette]

But if someone is behaving in an uncivilised manner and society just lets it slide - live and let live, after all - then that's the way to promote a civilised society?

[GobbledigookisThrifty]

you too!

I should be in bed - everyone else is asleep though so that gives me full control of the pooter!

[GobbledigookisThrifty]

[handlemecarefully]

Yes I'm off to bed shortly. Will regret lack of sleep in the morning

[missfib]

i dont blame you for saying something your dd is just a child she had no right to tell her off,
if any child did that to my chair i honestly wouldnt care because they are children!!!
i think people forget that.
lins xx

[Quattrocento]

HMC, that wasn't intended sarcastically. I actually meant it genuinely because I hadn't noticed you being intemperate in your posts so I wouldn't have thought you would react unreasonably in public.

[GobbledigookisThrifty]

Me too - we have guests and have had too many late nights this week (hence I am putting on a 'marks and spencer buffet' tomorrow for lunch )

[handlemecarefully]

Oh God!!!! (eats humble pie)

You mean you hadn't noticed me being intemperate until now!

[handlemecarefully]

Can I take it all back? [mortified]

M&S buffet - ah I know it well. I did a 'Waitrose BBQ' last week as I lacked the energy to make my own salads to go with the meat. Out came the cous cous and roasted vegetable salad and the three bean salad - all decanted into nice ceramics however

[Quattrocento]

'Course you can

[Spaceman]

Here here missfib.

[slayerette]

Thanks for the oh so patronising post, Gobbledigook - I was responding directly to hapsichord's post where she said that to live and let live was at the root of a civilised society - nowhere in that post did she imply that you should live and let live after asking someone politely and respectfully to desist from doing whatever was annoying you.

[handlemecarefully]

Thanks - you are being very magnanimous and forgiving. I feel like a right t**t (and I do rate you really, I was just being defensive and reacting to an imagined slight - will shut up now lest I appear even more crazy)

[Tiramissu]

I agree with everything Edam has said.

It makes me laugh when people say '...oh in UK you cant take children to cafes, people get annoyed. Look at other countries... how child friendly..blah blah'
Well yes if you cant even tell your child off then it is problematic to take her to cafes.
I am currently in Cyprus where as you know children go everywhere. Cafe, restaurant, concert, but they DO behave. If not they are told off. Thats how they learn

[knockedgymnast]

How would you have reacted if the lady in question had asked you reasonably to tell your child off? You would have had to have said that you didn't notice your child doing it.

Assuming that she had seen your DH tell your dd off and then it carried on, she had every right to be annoyed. She certainly shouldn't have spoken to your dd in that tone though. But unfortunately, the impression that lady would have had was that these parents defend their children's bad behaviour, rightly or wrongly.

I wouldn't have tolerated anyone being aggressive to my child though but did dd stop kicking the back of her chair after she told her?

[TotalChaos]

Agree with Edam. YABU. Sometimes I think it's useful to realise that a 3rd person is bothered, that it's not just mum being a boring nag.

[AbbeyA]

I expect that the lady with the paper was highly irritated because she had heard your DD being told to stop and yet she continued. She had every right to ask her to stop but I would agree that she should have done it in a pleasant way. Equally you could have responded in a pleasant way. All that aggression from all parties was hardly a good role model for your DD.

[SaintRiven]

I think poeple are too scared to talk to parents cos they usually get a mouthful of abuse back.
It should be possible to speak to a parent and then have the parent deal with the child. Sadly it often isn't.

[lottiejenkins]

My son had an incident which really frightened him recently... we were in MCDs having our tea after a day at the hospital and he accidnetally dropped his chips on the floor(hes dyspraxic and deaf) he slid his chair back and accidentally hit the chair behind him.,.. he turned round to say sorry and pulled his chair back, the man in the chair behind suddenly slammed his chair back really hard into my ds's and nearly knocked him off his chair my poor ds was so upset... it turned out that the man was mentally ill. My ds turned round to say "whats the matter" and the man started shouting at poor ds. I was too scared to say anything to the man, looking back now i know i should have asked the staff to deal with the man, my poor ds was really scared and asked me when the man had gone what the matter was with him. i have to make things very simple for ds so just told him the mans brain was mixed up!