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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

do you think it would be wrong for me to go through life, never really doing anything as such

68 replies

freespiritfreedom · 01/10/2008 20:20

i don't like working, i like being a free spirit, i love being a sahm but i guess when my dcs go to school the pressure will be on.

"when you going to get a job" etc.

we don't need the money, do you think it would be wrong for me to go through life never really doing anything much workwise.

i wouldn't mind fannying doing photography and arts and crafts.
but i don't ever want a job again.

OP posts:

MollyCherry · 02/10/2008 00:04

If you've got lots of hobbies and the cash to do it then bloody good luck to you (turning green with envy as I type!)

FairLadyRantALot · 02/10/2008 00:10

well, if you like to do something fun, and have the moeny, the do teh courses you enjoy... if you don't do a course as such, hohum...nit really there iss something for you!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 02/10/2008 00:16

All my children are now at school. I would like a job, but can't find one atm. I fill my time very nicely: a lot of volunteer work, studying for a degree with the OU, being a school governor etc. I only want to do paid work because I feel bad that DH has got to do all the financial support for the family, otherwise it wouldn't bother me if I never worked again - there is plenty of more interesting stuff to do. Realistically, people talk about having time when all the children are at school, but it doesn't work that way - it is hard to find a job where you can work 9am-3pm 29 weeks a year.

EachPeachPearMum · 02/10/2008 14:31

Have been thinking about this...
What image/example/message do you want to give your DC?
Do you want them to work hard at things? Do you want them to be happy rather than am bitious? etc etc
Perhaps a good idea maybe to get involved in some kind of community 'work', even something very small, so that your DC can see that you value those less fortunate than yourselves?

It's nice if they will be in the position to never worry about financial matters, but presumably they need to know how to manage their estate, and not squander it or be fops.

nooka · 02/10/2008 16:05

I don't think there is anything wrong with not being in regular paid employment if you don't have to or want to. However I think doing nothing with your life is an utter waste, and somehow wrong (think I have some Puritan blood in me!) But being creative, so long as it's not just pottering is a perfectly worth while thing to do, and I am sure that there are other ways you can contribute to the world. I can't believe you want just to pass time? This is of course just my opinion, and I acknowledge that I am mostly pushed to be more successful than my siblings, which is not particularly admirable!

elmoandella · 02/10/2008 20:55

if you do a lot of housewrok then you are doing something productive. your looking after your investment. i.e your house.

Moski · 02/10/2008 21:01

There is no such thing as doing NOTHING in life. My greatest role model is a dear friend who has never really worked and doesn't have kids. She enjoys every minute of every day, whether she is reading in a hammock or writing letters to friends or bringing flowers to a neighbor. I tried to do "nothing" for awhile and was not nearly so successful at is as my friend is. Thus, I went back to work to avoid going bonkers. But I admire people that can enjoy themselves like that. They make the world better!

procrastinatingparent · 02/10/2008 21:05

My most wealthy and jobless friend can hardly breathe she is so busy. She could just be a lady who lunches but instead she is a school governor, runs loads of stuff at our church, including personnel stuff, the toddler group and catering for 150 regularly, and still has time to spend time looking after people who need help in various ways.

Not much of this is about enjoying herself, but all of it is about using her privileged position to contribute to the needs of other people. If you don't have to work, you have the opportunity to make a difference to other people's lives.

elmoandella · 02/10/2008 21:08

i must admit. i dont need to work financially. but i do find myself offering to do extra chores to help out people that i'd never offer to do if i was working full time.

and it's really handy to be available when someone is ill. be it your kids or a neighbour/ relative or friend.

findtheriver · 02/10/2008 21:09

'Realistically, people talk about having time when all the children are at school, but it doesn't work that way - it is hard to find a job where you can work 9am-3pm 29 weeks a year.'

Always find it a bit odd when people say this! Er... what's wrong with after school club/childminder?? Do people really feel they have to define themselves by the school run? It is perfectly possible to combine having children in school and having a job!!

And anyone daft enough to put their child in a school with 23 weeks off a year - that's nearly half the year - deserves what they get!

Cappuccino · 02/10/2008 21:14

god you lot are stuffed up

why can't she fanny about with art if she can afford it? why is that a bad life choice and a bad example?

SummatAnNowt · 02/10/2008 21:15

Society is permeated with the message that you must be in proper paid work to be (insert noble sentiment of choice).

But where does this come from? Certainly from the top down the government wants more taxes so it's in their interests to promote it.

The legacy of Protestant Christianity is still alive and well and so equates hard work with being a good person who will go to heaven rather than one of those evil slothful people. Plus the more you work the less likely you are to get into any kind of sinful trouble.

Then there's the pressure from a history of women who've fought so we can have the choice to go out and work.

So if you choose this as a path then there is plenty of society to frown upon you and make you think it's wrong. You've obviously internalised the messages too otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread.

But my short answer is YANBU. Go for it!

beanieb · 02/10/2008 21:17

freespiritfreedom - go for it. Why not if you can? All power to you.

findtheriver · 02/10/2008 21:19

I totally agree that if you can afford to be self sufficient and not dependent on the state, then there's no 'moral' argument about it. Don't work if you don't want to! Though I still think it could get a little boring. Not many people I know who don;t work at all, fill their time with all sorts of lovely creative activities. It's more often the other way around - the people who are busy and dynamic and have great careers often seem to be the ones with a buzzing social life and lots of interests.
I just find it amusing when people use the school run as a reason to not be able to work. I mean, it's a bit drastic to give up on your working life just to ferry the kids to school and back!

Cappuccino · 02/10/2008 21:21

I know plenty of people who are involved in art who socialise and mix with other artists

nooka · 02/10/2008 21:26

No I think the point was that if you only use the time when the kids are in school - ie if you really want to be with them for the rest of your time then having your children start school (-minus schools runs, travel etc) does not release that much time to do other things.

ohdearwhatamess · 02/10/2008 21:29

I'm not planning on returning to paid employment, if I can possibly avoid it. Would like to do something 'useful' though once the dcs are both in school.

rayjay · 02/10/2008 21:47

I am a Mum to 5 beautiful little people, and long ago I decided that going back to work wasn't for me.

However it doesn't mean that I don't want to work, I just don't want to work for someone and I don't want to work when it doesn't suit me IYKWIM

So over the last few years I have been training to do something that I can do as and when I choose and it suits me down to the ground.

We don't have heaps of money, but I too will never have to work full time, so why should I. I have a very busy home to run, and like you enjoy other things too.

As for those who feel it is silly saying that you only want to find a job during school hours, surely it is whatever makes you feel right as a Mum. I have never and will never have anyone else look after my children, so that means school pick-ups and being there all aft/eve. I have no desire to put them into an after schol club or send them to a CM for a few hours.

So if you feel it would make you happy not to become employed and your family can survive quite happily then go for it xx

squilly · 02/10/2008 22:56

I gave up work when dd started school. Yes, I know that that's when traditionally we mums go back, but I did it all wrong. I'd just landed a new job when dd was conceived, so I took off the shortest amount of time I was able to...14 weeks, then went back part time. I enjoyed my job and did it till dd was nearly 5.

When she started school I looked at the logistics and realised that this is when it gets tough. No ringing school to say my meeting's run late, can you just book squilljunior in for an extra couple of hours??

We sat down, figured we could afford for me to stay at home, so that's what I do. At the moment it's on the basis of a career break for 5 years.

I trade on Ebay...always have, so it's not breaking the terms of the career break. I do volunteer reading with Y6 kids who are struggling and I love my life. I will, when the career break is up decide whether to go back to my job or retrain. I suspect I'll do the latter...or I might just carry on as I am because I enjoy it!

I say do what makes you happy. Surely that's a great example to set to your kids?

Fimbo · 02/10/2008 23:03

My youngest has just started reception. I work one morning a week in a playgroup which will go up to 2 mornings a week after Christmas - I cover sickness and holidays too.

Tbh at the moment it is more than enough, sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day. Especially with the school run (ds is only full time Mon, Tues & Weds at the moment), dropping/picking up from after school activities and all the daily household chores.

I am also doing a course on Thursday evenings from 7-9 and sweat most weeks hoping Dh is home in time.

My dh works very long hours and we have no family to help out, it just isn't feasible for me to work full time.

Starbear · 02/10/2008 23:27

Ooooh! I would love to fanny around. At last someone else who uses the term. I have done tons of things in my life, some very scary others brave some positive etc.... but the thing I love to do when I get the time or steal away from what I should be doing is fannying around and be totally non-productive (in other peoples terms)I've always enjoyed. Fanny around but do it well

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 02/10/2008 23:36

By findtheriver on Thu 02-Oct-08 21:09:48
'Realistically, people talk about having time when all the children are at school, but it doesn't work that way - it is hard to find a job where you can work 9am-3pm 29 weeks a year.'

Always find it a bit odd when people say this! Er... what's wrong with after school club/childminder?? Do people really feel they have to define themselves by the school run? It is perfectly possible to combine having children in school and having a job!!

And anyone daft enough to put their child in a school with 23 weeks off a year - that's nearly half the year - deserves what they get!
By elmoandella on Thu 02-Oct-08 21:08:01 OK findtheriver, I mistyped - it should have been 39 weeks a year. As you might have guessed.
But as for the rest of your post, of course there is nothing wrong with an after school club or childminder. Except that I have three children of quite different ages and this solution wouldn't work for me and, more importantly, it wouldn't work for them. If I worked fulltime they wouldn't be able to do most of their outside interests, music, dance, swimming and lots of other things that are important to them. Also, I enjoy spending time with them. And we, as a family, have deliberately chosen to change our lives around so I can do that. It doesn't mean that I define myself by my children, I have many other interests as my post made perfectly clear. It simply means that, as I said, I have been unable in the area I live in to find paid employment that allows me to fulfill my children's needs as well as my own.

NappiesGalore · 02/10/2008 23:44

of course, if 'fannying around' just means sitting on mn day in day out, you'll drive yourself batty in no time.

if you can keep yourself busy, go for it

mabanana · 02/10/2008 23:45

If I won the lottery I'd never work again, and I have an interesting job that is part time. I just want to potter about, have coffee, get pedicures and read books in the afternoon. It all sounds heaven to me.

mabanana · 02/10/2008 23:46

And I'd never do a course either. For me, dullsville. I've had enough education

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