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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be v.irritated.

45 replies

smurfgirl · 01/10/2008 16:13

Yes its about the wedding.

We get married in 10 days.

We sent save the dates at Christmas.

We sent invites in July + very detailed info packs (hotel info, directions etc)

So WHY does someone text me today and say he is unsure if he can make it He says he has no money - he works f/t and lives at home FFS.

When it was a mutal friends wedding in August we drove him there and back and he stayed at ours and never asked for petrol money etc. I just feel really upset that he has obviously left it to the last minute and cannot be bothered to save up to spend time with us.

Everyone seems to be dropping out and we are now below the minimum 80 people we need, despite inviting 104 people I just feel so sad that this guy who i thought was a close friend can't be arsed with us.

ARGH. If you live in Teesside and want a free meal feel free to join us next Saturday.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 01/10/2008 16:14

will be ok!

you will have a marvellous day

something may have come up - credit crunch is really biting now

forevercleaning · 01/10/2008 16:16

have you got extras coming for the evening. Maybe bring one of them forward to the whole day do.

We did that, so not to waste the meal.

Dropdeadfred · 01/10/2008 16:18

Poor you....don't stress - you will have a fantastic day.

we ended up paying for 7 meals for guests that didn't attend...we gave them out to the photographer's assistant, the creche girls and anyone else who wanted one that was there ( bar staff i think)

we also had a guest that turned up (as a plus one) that we hadn't known about!

can you promote any evening guests to day guests?

McDreamy · 01/10/2008 16:18

ooh smurfgirl how exciting - a wedding! My brother got married just over a week ago and it was a wonderful day just like yours is going to be. It is upsetting when people you are close to don't appear to have made any effort on your special occasions but don't let it spoil your day.

You are going to have a wonderful - and I want to see some photos!!!!! If only I was in Teesside I would indeed come and see you xxxx

Original poster
smurfgirl · 01/10/2008 16:20

Everyone is coming all day so no evening guests.

Am going to ask my parents if their neighbours want to come.

Just feel very disheartened. He works f/t in waterstones, he lives at home, he has no car. He has had loads of notice, but we are not important enough.

OP posts:
nothot · 01/10/2008 16:23

Drop him then. He is obviously not as close a freind as you thought.

tigger32 · 01/10/2008 16:31

Some people are very thoughtless, don't let him ruin your day, just tell him you need a definate yes or no and then forget it and get on and enjoy your special day. It is after all just about you and you df

OrmIrian · 01/10/2008 16:37

He's rude. Forget about him. Presumably the 'minimum' is simply the smallest number you can pay for? In which case, just be prepared to pay for the 'minimum' and don't worry. The one's who do want to come are the ones who matter.

You will have a lovely day.

CarGirl · 01/10/2008 16:39

If I still lived in Teesside I would love to be there. I wouldn't recommend my parents going though

TillyScoutsmum · 01/10/2008 16:42

I'm assuming he's a single guy ? Some men just don't "get" the wedding thing. They don't realise that its important to be there and will probably just think you'll have plenty of others there and won't miss him. Its a pita but don't necessarily put it down to him not thinking enough of you.

My nan and grandad have just turned down our invite because they basically can't be arsed. Its but we'll still have a fantastic day. As will you. 10 days - how exciting

Sunshinetoast · 01/10/2008 16:43

Horrible for you. It happened to me. A couple of 'friends' called the week before the wedding to say they couldn't make it. Two (seperately) just didn't turn up on the day having accepted. One sent an email the morning of the wedding (like you check your email the day you are getting married) and one texted the best man in the afternoon. Strangely other people managed to overcome being on the other side of the world, major flooding throughout their house the morning of the wedding and sick children to be there.

At the time I was spitting feathers but now, you know what, we had a great time, they didn't! Their loss.

StopSittingOnTheBabyPlease · 01/10/2008 16:44

YANBU to be irritated, he's being very rude, especially sending a text. As so often people who haven't been through it don't understand.

You can decide not to let it bug you too much though. Accept validation (from MN of course ) that he's thoughtless, put it in a box and forget about it. Concentrate on having a lovely day surrounded by those you love and who love you.

You've got way more friends than I have. We had much less than 80 people at our wedding It's quality, not quantity that counts. You've paid already (or committed yourselves at least). The money's spent on giving you a wonderful day, don't let one person spoil even a bit of it.

BlingLovin · 01/10/2008 16:47

if anyone does this to me for my wedding, they will be getting the big "BlingLovin silent treatment forever".

Totally think you have a right to be upset, but think you should now accept that for whatever reason, this person is not a very nice person, and try to see it as a blessing that you worked it out now.

People who are this rude and inconsiderate, do not deserve lovely friends like you.

Harsh. I know. But I have lost patience with this kind of behaviour - I have enough friends who are normal and nice, I don't need the ones who aren't!

Enjoy the wedding. Remember, on the day, it won't matter because the people who are there are the ones who are good friends and who love you.

BlingLovin · 01/10/2008 16:47

Oh, and Sunshinetoast, am absolutely at people who just didn't turn up! Wow, I didn't know it was possible to be that rude.

Original poster
smurfgirl · 01/10/2008 16:54

He is single yeah. I am sure its not personal but it feels it iykwim.

I have sent a text back saying what can I do? So its up to him. Dp is going to ask some friends if they want to come, because I don't want to pay for 80 meals if theyare not all being eaten

It will be finnnnneeeee.

OP posts:
StopSittingOnTheBabyPlease · 01/10/2008 16:56

You could eat the extra meals. You'll be married by then, no need to worry about your figure anymore

CarGirl · 01/10/2008 16:57

which church/vneue are you getting married in? (Am getting nostalgic)

Original poster
smurfgirl · 01/10/2008 16:59

St Mary and St Romuald in Yarm (the Catholic Church) and then reception at Headlam Hall near Darlington.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 01/10/2008 17:06

I know it! I attended a different church in Yarm though, grew up in Eaglescliffe.

CarGirl · 01/10/2008 17:07

Traffic chaos in yarm on your wedding day then

Original poster
smurfgirl · 01/10/2008 17:08

I had to put a whole page about Saturday parking in Yarm on the invite. I grew up in Yarm.

OP posts:
muddleduck · 01/10/2008 17:08

I agree with the posters who've said that some single guys just don't see it as a big deal. I've had a (to me) bizarre conversation with a friend of DH who was dithering about whether he could be bothered to go to a wedding. He genuinely thought the bride and groom wouldn't even notice!

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2008 17:11

He's an idiot
I live nearby - will be there

CarGirl · 01/10/2008 17:13

The parking - lol!!! Do they still have the 2 hours free with the disc scheme, it was faulous - I wish we had it around here instead of having to pay a nominal amount to stop all day parkers.

Are you going by car or carriage (please say carriage it is fab when the traffic grinds to a halt )

beanieb · 01/10/2008 17:14

People who work F/T in Waterstone's don't get paid much!

I have missed a few close friends weddings at short notice. I never really 'got' how important weddings are to other people so to me it didn't seem important at the time. Now that I am planning my own I can see how irritating it might be, particularly financially!