to have just screamed at my mum. i suspect i am

[ethanchristopher]

background info: i take my sister (year 1) and ds (pre-school) to school every day and back - fair enough im going anyway so you would expect me too. i also take my sister to all her school parties as they are generally on a saturday when mum has pilates and i stay and supervise her. whenever i take ds out i have to take my sister too. mum NEVER babysits if i want to go out expects dp or me to babysit my sister if she wants to go out. i share the housework, share the cooking & am basically a surrogate mum to my sister.

my mum said to me earlier after i asked her if she would babysit for me and dp to go cinema on friday: "no, when you had a baby you had to give up being a teenager, you've got a child now,"

at which point i lost it and started shouting at her that she was a hypocrit and that i never went out and that she should have learnt by now how to be a mother and that even though im a mother im also her SISTER not her other mother because i've got a child to look after and schoolwork to do e.t.c. and alot of swearing and general hysteria.

i suspect im just pmting and that what i said was a bit uncalled for

but at the same time i think what i said is true

dad is an utter pushover and will not say boo to a goose unless my mum tells him too so he wont take part in any discussions except to back mum up

guess i know who wears the trousers!! dp has a complicated relationship with his parents in that they completely disowned him for getting an underage girl pregnant and not getting an abortion

but he lives in student acomm and im not bringing my dp up their because i've met his flatmates and most of them smoke anyway.

basically there is my house and there is dp's student house so between his unreliable housemates, my unreliable friends and my parents there isnt really anyone left.

ec where do you live?
If it's near Brighton I'll babysit and let you get out...I'm at home looking after my DD's anyway...hahahahahah

pmsl i live in cambridge

whats even worse though is that the mums at ds's playgroup are so effing anal. have invited 4 of ds's faveourite "friends" to come to play and have been declined each time, if i ever try and strike up a convo in the playground they give me a smirky lil smile and walk away.

i wouldnt mind if i could do what mum does and go and see some "mummy" friends but they all turn their noses up.

oh well, my fault for going to such a precious school

that's awful about the other mums
what about friends at school?
is your hv any good? I wnder if there are any groups etc for young mums, tho of course no guarantee you'd get on wth them, just cause they're young.

aw ec that's not nice(preschool mums) i'd talk to you if you went to dd's bit too far though, Kent

hope you manage to sort things with your mum. sounds hard.

not a young mum group near us,

there is a toddlergroup on a saturday morning but its the same sort of treatment there

cause i live in quite a posh area so no other teen mums, there all very snobby (mother incuded) which is why im probably so defensive on MN sometimes.

my hv is okay, was the same hv for my sister so knows our family quite well.

PMSL

but i think the plot line would go over the heads of 2 year olds?

thing is because of the way my school is set out (goes from preschool all the way to sixth form) preschool only accepts age 2 and above but they pulled a few strings to get my ds into nursery at 14 months so that i could come back to school so some of his friends are quite a bit older than him - having said that he is quite "advanced" and even though he is nearly 2 he isnt up to most of their standards yet.

i think it would be easier for him if he could integrate a little bit more but pheasably there is no way we could get him into another nursery and this arrangement works well because i see him before school and in my lunch break (he only goes 3 days a week will 12ish)

you're doing well (been lurking). i had that conversation with my mum and i was 25 at the time lol! was the most petrifying thing i ever did but it had to be said and it did clear the air (a bit).

do you have a nice HV and could she maybe point you in the direction of groups for teen mums? i don't know if there's anything like that where you are but if there is it might give you a break from the judgy crowd. my DS goes to a fairly judgy school and i have to admit i hated every moment of having to pick him up. there is a bit of 'them' and 'us' going on between some of the mums and it's sooooo annoying DS used to get upset but now he hangs out with the kids who live close by. tbh i'll be glad when he leaves. hopefully the high school he's chosen isn't as bad..... btw DH calls them the 'wine and cheese' brigade

lol duo - yes i think your DH may be describing the mums at preschool also

oops xpost! must learn to type faster lol!

I live in cambridge and y DS2 is about the same age as your ds if you EVER fancied getting together with an old lady it would be great to meet you.

ec this sounds really weird given that I'm on here quite a lot now but my nct mums and the mums at our nursery left me cold and are really cliquey.
I have always tried to tell myself that it's ok and that I didn't really mind but after dd2 I was fairly down in the dumps and had to return v quickly to work as I needed the money and I needed some support and found it here.
I feel increasingly normal and like I have a "normal" outlet here.
I'm sorry you don't have more support but I'm so weirdly proud of what you are doing and going through and always lurk on your threads
((((lots of love))))

(((soppy emoticon))))

bythepower - that would be fantastic!!! we will defff have to do that. i am quite busy because of exams and everything but i will be able to find time to fit with your schedule... ive just told dp this and he is laughing so hard. he has now told me i am behaving like a middle aged woman i think he should give birth to the next one

ronald - awww thats really sweet and ive actually got a lump in my throat and yeh thats why im so mumsnet obsessive because everyone has been through it and also the letter game interesting conversation

I was just going to offer too EC but then actually read the whole thread and realised you were too far away.

I hope you get it sorted. I remember being 24 with a toddler and I was exhausted. Dreading the next 2 years with DS and I'm knocking 30 now. Admittedly, I was also studying, but not in that I was going to school full time! Dunno how you manage tbh

are you ever free Wednesday mornings?

i am at school

Cool - we could always meet after school time another day if you don't mind me having a 4 year old monster in tow?

school monday - friday. saturdays dp has him and i have a job and study

sundays would be the only day really unless after school but i can bring dp or swap sunday for saturday or something

oh yeh after schools would be fine too

whereabouts in cambridge are you?

email Jeni at benjamintong dot com prefer to do details off line if that is ok with you?

have emailed you

Ethanchristopher I think you are very mature for your age (except for the outburst with your mum) that is and I think you are doing a great job with your son. Why dont you get him to bed and go out after he has settled. I know you cant go for a drink but you could go for a pizza or something. Your mum by the way is being very selfish. If I had a grandchild they would have to fight to get it back off me. My mother was very good but my MIL sounds like your mother.

have been lurking, I hope you get things sorted with your mum and its great that you can do a meet up with another MNer, but also want to say, you sound like you are doing great and I hope you feel very proud of yourself! Your DS is a very lucky little boy