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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be narked with Granny I came across at Playgroup this morning......?

47 replies

balanomorey · 30/09/2008 13:54

Took dd to playgroup as usual this morning.

Part of the session involves a free-for-all on bikes and scooters. There is one bike that all the little girls adore which has Barbie on the front.

DD asked on the way there if she could have the Barbie bike...stupidly, I said yes. During the bike session, I was helping in the kitchen with the washing up. DD had been in a few times to ask if she could go on the Barbie bike - I looked over to see a little girl on it and said she'd have to wait a bit for her turn. 10 mins later she comes into the kitchen again in floods of tears to say that the little girl won't let her on the bike. I leave the kitchen to console her and see the little girl on the bike with her Granny making feeble attempts to get her off so dd can have a go. Of course, she resisted the useless cajolings of the Granny and gaily went off on the bike she had been hogging for the last 20 mins.

Was a bit narked at the Granny for not being more forceful. My way of handling it would have been to physically hoik dd off the bike and explain about sharing - suffering the consequences of a tantrum as I believe that would have been the right thing to do.

Am i right or am I being unreasonable - should you remove a child in this situation and encourage sharing, especially if it's upsetting another child, or take the stance of 'i was here first - tough'?

OP posts:

compo · 30/09/2008 13:56

yanbu
but it's hard for granny's isn't it? they don't want to be seen as the bad cop I guess

LittleMyDancingForJoy · 30/09/2008 13:57

I think you're right in principle, but Grannies frequently aren't as good at being firm as Mummies, so probably YAB a bit U to expect her to haul the child off.

DS' grannie looks after him once a week and despite my instructions he always has about ten biscuits for his snack, as she's hopeless as resisting his pleading!

Don't remember her being that soft when I was little

WowOoo · 30/09/2008 13:58

The granny prob didn't realise your dd was so upset or how long her gd had been on bike.

I would've forcibly removed child - I often have to do this

Also, my littlest is learning sloowly that sometimes you just can't play with something (usually in a shop or hijacking another's toy in the park) and yes, it's tough luck.

SheikYerbouti · 30/09/2008 14:00

YABabitU

You shouldn't have promised to bike to your daughter in the first place, but the granny should have done more.

A friend of mine is like this with her DS. She lets him get away with it every time, and I do womnder sometimes why I bother to intervene when the boot is on the other foot as it's not fair to DS1

deanychip · 30/09/2008 14:00

yabu, you should not have said yes.
if you had not then there would not be such a huge issue.

life lessons come in many forms, there will be tons of opportunities to teach about sharing.
chalk it up to experience and next week, grab the fecking bike and put your daughter on it, for 10 mins, then pass it on to someone else...lesson learned.

AbbeyA · 30/09/2008 14:00

I think it is hard for the Granny as it isn't her child. It sounds as if reasoning wasn't working-the only way was to physically remove her, Granny was probably unwilling to go that far.

beanieb · 30/09/2008 14:00

Hmmm... dunno really. You shouldn't have promised your Daughter something she might not have actually been able to get IMO.

cutekids · 30/09/2008 14:01

littlemy...sounds like my Mum...lets the kids have as much sweets,chocolate,angel delight....i was never allowed this....as they want...!

littlelapin · 30/09/2008 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbaFan · 30/09/2008 14:03

I probably would have told the Granny that DD had been waiting 20 mins.

YANBU, but I can see it would be hard for Granny too.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 30/09/2008 14:03

I symapathise that you said yes without thinking so YANBU there but I would have said to Granny that your DD had been waiting for X minutes and could your child have a go now please.

amner · 30/09/2008 14:07

Its a 'dog eat dog' world at my playgroup

Original poster

balanomorey · 30/09/2008 14:24

Accept that I shouldn't have, in dds eyes, promised her a go on the bike when it couldn't be guaranteed.

The Granny knew dd was upset as she had seen her crying and when I came out with her, that was when she started her feeble attemps at cajoling her gd off the bike. I didn't actually have to ask her to let dd have a go as she had already read the situation.

After her gd had skidaddled on the bike, I told the Granny not to worry (through gritted teeth) and that hopefully dd can have a go next week

I accept that Grannys may find it harder than mummys but I stand by my principles and she didn't really try to do the right thing

But hey ho, there's always next week and I've learned not to make promises that I can't guarantee. x.

OP posts:

SixSpotBurnet · 30/09/2008 14:30

I can imagine that my mum would have really struggled in the same situation. In fact she's always been very nervous of taking my DSs to playgrounds or anything on her own precisely in case a situation like that arises (i.e. she's put on the spot by another parent).

So no, YANBU, but I would spare a thought for the grandma too.

Mutt · 30/09/2008 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Simplysally · 30/09/2008 14:47

My Mum used to take my dd to playgroup and would have made my dd share the bike fairly, hauling her off it physically if necessary. She told her to let another little girl play in the 'kitchen' once so my dd stormed off in a paddy and hid behind another toy until the other child had left (watching the kitchen all the time) and then went back to resume her solo playing just as she had wanted!

Chalk it up to experience and next week grab the bike so your dd can have her go.

jesuswhatnext · 30/09/2008 14:51

you should have dd to get on the fucking rocking horse.

PinkTulips · 30/09/2008 14:53

good god, have never seen anyone at our toddler group make a child give up a toy

we all just let them have what they have til they get bored of it.... and there is very little fighting or kids whinging 'i want that one'

not sure i think teaching children that if they whinge for something the other kids will be booted off it is a wise thing to do tbh. what on earth is that teaching them? are there not enough toys to go around?

my kids know that if someone else is on a toy they can't have it and just have to wait til that person gets bored, it's the same at home and at frineds houses.... making them take turns just causes too much shrieking and whinging ime.

AbbeyA · 30/09/2008 15:47

That was my experience PinkTulips. I used to make my DSs give others a turn when they had had a fair turn. I can't say it always worked in reverse. That is life-people are selfish. I am more for them sorting it out themselves than having mummy solve all life's problems. Not being a granny I don't know what I would do but I suspect I would have a different feeling than having my own DC.

67Impala · 30/09/2008 16:22

Don't really know what to say as I've done the same thing in the past and regretted it. I feel for you as you've made a promise and in a child's eyes, if you promise, then that's the law, but the Gran probably hasn't got the confidences to reprimand the child.

MrsMattie · 30/09/2008 16:23

YABU. Get over it!

Slouchy · 30/09/2008 16:25

No one else read the title as AIBU to be Naked with granny I came across at playgroup?

Just me?

cornsilk · 30/09/2008 16:26

I feel sorry for the granny. You told your child she could play with the bike - you shouldn't have. Why should she be then put in that position because you were not able to say 'no' to your own dd?

Dandelioness · 30/09/2008 16:39

I think the fact the OP had promised her daughter a go on the bike is slightly irrelevant to how the Granny responded/should have responded. If I see that a child is upset because they have been waiting to play with a communal toy that my child has been using for over 15 minutes, I would encourage my child to hand it over. Likewise when someone is waiting for a go on the swings at the park.

bloomingfedup · 30/09/2008 16:40

yabu - The Granny is'nt in the 'parent' psoition and prehaps you should have dealt with the situation by saying something to the Gran.

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