to feel a bit pissed off when people (men) compare their illnesses to giving birth?

[SuperBunny]

I probably am...

A male friend was telling me this week about how he had a kidney stone. He said, 'you gave birth to your DS through a hole too small, now imagine doing that with something sharp and pointy'

I don't doubt a kidney stone is very painful but I don't see how it can be anything like labour, where you use almost every muscle to get the baby out (I remember my arms and leg hurting for days after having DS, not to mention the bits you would expect to hurt) and there are chemical changes in your body and the whole thing is very stressful and emotional as well as physical.

I'm not saying some things are not worse than labour. I just think it is stupid to compare. Especially when every labour is different.

I don't usually do AIBU threads but I wanted to rant. I should probably have put this in chat.

YANBU.

I just find it funny myself.

I secretly chuckle when I watch shows like 'Highland Emergency' and see men rolling around like someone's beheading them with a penknife over something like a dislocated shoulder or broken bone.

Had both of those.

They have nothing on giving birth to DD2 in record time with no time for pain relief and G&A made me sick.

YANBU. Just roll your eyes knowingly.
Although passing a kidney stone is said to be CLOSE to the pain of childbirth - still not the same though!

we need to hear from a woman who has experienced both, clearly.

Well to be fair a broken bone can be agonisingly painful, it's different for everyone depending on the type and location of the break.

I haven't had the experience of childbirth yet, just cramps that felt rather like them resulting in our neighbours thinking I was giving birth

But the worst pain I've ever experienced was my fractured humerus, I never knew pain like that could exist and I could not stop screaming, it wasn't even voluntary it just kept happening.

OK, good. I'm glad I'm not alone. I did say, 'I don't tend to compare anything with giving birth' and he said, 'Well, I heard a kidney stone is worse' at which point I wanted to punch him and shout a lot.

But I just fumed inwardly and agreed that it probably had been very painful.

But I do think it is like comparing apples and oranges so is completely pointless. Why does it have to be a competition anyway?

I agree with you Superbunny I don't think pains can really be compared.

I don't know about anyone else but I've given birth and passed rather large no 2s (not at the same time )) - both of which were equally excruciating in their own ways. Your fanjo is designed to stretch that far, by and large, the other hole isn't . Men have lower pain thresholds anyway .

yanbu

it was the most painful experience of my life. and dp sat there pissing himself cause he thought me lying there and screaming at the contractions was farking funny

he can give birth to the next one

And I'm not saying that passing a kidney stone is not more painful, it's just different.

I did have a friend tell me that giving birth was like shitting a rugby ball at which point I did ask her how many children she had (count: 0) whereas I had had a daughter. Shitting a bowling ball was more IMHO.

my sister's had both, madlentil.

she's had a csection birth, a VBAC (with epidural because her blood pressure was high) and she gets recurrent kidney stones.

she ranks the csection as worst.

she says the kidney stones approach, but the epi blocked out some of the pain of the VBAC.

i've had 3 broken bones when i missed the final step in a stair - two metatarsals and a bone in the ankle.

a fall in which i completely ruptured my ACL, dislocated my right patella, tore cartilage in the tibial plateau of the right knee and ripped most of it in the left meniscus.

dislocated a shoulder then had to use ascending knots to complete the final pitch (30m or so) of a climb and hike out - was about 5 hours by the time i got to hospital.

slipped whilst abseiling and split my head open at the base (right where the helmet ended) on a sharp rock and broke the tailbone at the same time.

nope.

not a one of those come close to having DD2 with no pain relief at all.

god, that fucking hurt.

erm, i thought passing a kidney stone is akin to having a heart attack ?

No pain relief.

I don't think I could cope with childbirth with anything less than than a short sharp blow with a mallet to the head.

the tailbone was pretty painful.

a doctor friend of mine, however, had many, many knee surgeries and injuries.

but he said breaking his pelvis was the worst (he was thrown off a horse).

got there too late for pain relief besides G&A, falcon. took one puff of that stuff and threw up and had a panic attack, so i went with nowt.

my dad's had two heart attacks, but neither was painful, IYKWIM.

he was short of breath with one - a BIG one - and with the other he had a metal taste in his mouth and moderate pain in his shoulder.

I had cs. Fine. Literally painless.
I had carpal tunnell. God the pain, shooting into my hands. God, I sobbed.

Plus, what is pain to you ?
And what is pain to me ?
Incomparable.

and some things are actually worse feeling that actual pain.

for example, if you've ever had a soft tissue injury to one of your legs. it gets STIFF as hell if you sit or lie down for any length of time.

then, when you stand up, all the blood rushes to the site and burns and just feels awful.

or, if you break something that can't be casted, like a tailbone, and then you forget and step on it or wrench it and it's like, 'aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!'

or the local anaesthetic jabs for stitches (or your cervix).

I did THINK, that passing a kidney stone, was supposed to be VERY V painful.
Maybe for some it is not.
A bit like any other thing, be it vag birth, cs, or anything else.
each to their own.

oh, make no mistake, it really hurts, those stones.

my poor sister's had to have them broken down with ultrasound to pass them.

it is BAD.

My experiences:

Vaginal birth with gas only (and not a lot of that as it made me feel sick)- grim but not unbearable.

Having my insides squeezed by unsympathetic midwife ('to get you used to the feeling') prior to vaginal birth- a whole lot worse!

C-section- painless.

Pleurisy- pretty well the worst I've ever known. Sobbing with pain. Have had it twice and the pain is absolutely unimaginable.

Thing is, at least with childbirth is a) you know what it is b) it mainly comes in waves c) you know there is a reason for it and d) you know it will end at some point. So, it's kind of different.

ask him if his partner plans to stick anything up there a few weeks after passing the kidney stone

Vaginal birth, first baby and bugger all pain relief. Now that hurts! Even my second vaginal birth with a bigger baby wasn't so bad - I guess once your fanjo has stretched that far the first time, nothing aint quite so bad again!!

nope, it didn't come in waves for me, it was like a contraction that NEVER stopped.

i had no idea when it would end, because you don't really know even if you're fully dilated when you'll actually get the baby OUT, and the pain was so great i didn't give a rat's ass what its purpose was, i wanted to die in order to end it.

with DD1, the pain was just as bad at only 4cm because she was back to back and turns out her hand was up by her head.

i got an epidural for that, though, but did end up with forceps delivery.

C section with dc2 was lovely! Had an epidural so didnt feel any pain and I honestly lay there chattering away to the anaesthetist like I was at some bloody coffee morning, not on the operating table