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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit pissed off when people (men) compare their illnesses to giving birth?

53 replies

SuperBunny · 28/09/2008 18:23

I probably am...

A male friend was telling me this week about how he had a kidney stone. He said, 'you gave birth to your DS through a hole too small, now imagine doing that with something sharp and pointy'

I don't doubt a kidney stone is very painful but I don't see how it can be anything like labour, where you use almost every muscle to get the baby out (I remember my arms and leg hurting for days after having DS, not to mention the bits you would expect to hurt) and there are chemical changes in your body and the whole thing is very stressful and emotional as well as physical.

I'm not saying some things are not worse than labour. I just think it is stupid to compare. Especially when every labour is different.

I don't usually do AIBU threads but I wanted to rant. I should probably have put this in chat.

OP posts:
Scotia · 28/09/2008 19:19

I've had kidney stones (more than once). I'd honestly rather go through childbirth than the pain of passing the stones again. I've also had 5 dcs and am pregnant with my 6th.

Ronaldinhio · 28/09/2008 19:22

YANBU
The morning after my cs, my best friend David was merrily comparing his key hole gall bladder removal to the c/s and how hard it had been for him to get over it etc etc.
The nurse who was doing all my vitals etc had obviously been listening and let him finish before telling him loudly and longly how it was in no way like a c/s as one was major abdominal surgery and the other simply wasn't.
She also pointed out rather than having a month sitting at home recupperating I was going to go back to looking after two babies under 15 months old (asked me for that info and I was so stunned by her outburst that I told her gladly)
Ooops

susia · 28/09/2008 20:32

ok three days labour followed by emergency c-section was the worst pain I've experienced. The c-section in itself was painless but the pain afterwards was indescribable, as was the vomitting and itching caused by the epidural far worse than the labour that got to 10cm dilated. But I haven't experienced actual vbirth so don't know what that would have been like.

I think it outragous any man could compare any pain with giving birth because he hasn't done that so it would really piss me off.

Only a woman who has had a kidney stone and a painful birth could comment.

Simplysally · 28/09/2008 20:35

I'd forgotten when I had chicken pox a few years ago, I was crawling around my bedroom unable to get up for the pain which I thought was shingles at the time (I remember screaming for pain relief which I didn't do when I was in labour). Maybe a kidney stone isn't such an unreasonable assessment after all - even from a man.

Malkuth · 28/09/2008 20:39

The only thing I will let men get away with comparing to childbirth is acute pancreatitis. Had that 2 months after having dd2 and it really was the worse pain I have ever had. 6 days on intravenous morphine!

Weegiemum · 28/09/2008 22:19

I've done both!!

labour is worse.

BUT

kidney stones are more frustrating!

Labour - you are helped, encouraged, given the pain releif you want/need (at least I was) and at the end you have a baby.

Kidney stones - you are left alone vomiting with the pain in the hospital loos, you are told 'it can't be that bad', you are denied pain releif as there are people out there who fake kidney stones to get opiate painkillers and they like to make sure you are not one of them, and at the end you have a teeny bit of stone - and I mean mms accross.
The only time my kidney pain was really dealt with well was when I was in labour!

But yes, men saying they know what it is like does my head in too!

nooka · 28/09/2008 22:33

I broke my arm and my jaw in a cycling accident, and being driven to the hospital over very very rough ground was agonising. But nothing compared to how painful and scary the six hours of labour I had with dd prior to having a c-section. I am sure that some of the difference was in my mental state (I was in shock following my accident), and certainly some of it was about the behaviour of the people around me. When I had my accident people could not have been nicer, and that's mostly what I remember. My labour on the other hand was a very lonely experience, despite having a midwife and dh there. In fact possibly because of them being there. Also with my broken bones if I was completely still the pain went away, so I felt some control, whereas with my labour (I was on a drip) I felt trapped and out of control.

So I suspect each experience is unique. However I do not think either episode in my life is comparable to the pain my mother has experienced over that last 10 years with her arthritis, or my step-niece for all her life with sickle cell.

Tinker · 28/09/2008 22:42

Waiting for an eardrum to burst is pretty much on a par with childbirth, well my first one.

cory · 28/09/2008 23:06

When I was giving birth I always knew that I could ask for an epidural if it got unbearable. Can't do that with pleurisy.

I too found the C-section remarkably like a coffee morning. Jolly banter and not a lot to do.

bloss · 28/09/2008 23:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster
SuperBunny · 29/09/2008 00:34

LOL @ custy

I feel better about this now. I thought I was being a bit mean not feeling sympathetic. I did feel sympathy to begin with but lost it after it became apparent that he knew more about childbirth than I did.

OP posts:
MatBackFeck · 29/09/2008 00:52

YANBU this would annoy me too. Noone who hasnt tried it can know how intense childbirth is. Recently, someone (male) told me that running a marathon was harder than childbirth! Er no, I think not.

Saying that though, there are other types of pain that bloody hurt too, though not more in my experience. A burst eardrum is my next excruciating pain too. Maybe kidney stones are up there as well, in his defense. Still, NOTHING beats drug-free labour, anyone that has done it has won the cup, set the world record, can't be beaten, ever, by a man, only by another woman with worse labour (eg back to back - that sounds bloody painful!)

rubyloopy · 29/09/2008 11:54

Message withdrawn

StarlightMcKenzie · 29/09/2008 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 29/09/2008 12:09

I found it even funnier when I took DS1 along to A&E thinking he had possibly broken his foot after falling off the top bunk

He managed to stand on it and walk to show the doctor even though he was obviously in a hell of a lot of pain.
The 'man' in the cubicle opposite us was refusing to even try to stand. With the same in jury.

DS1 is not yet 4.

ladytophamhatt · 29/09/2008 12:18

I've had 4 babies and kidney stones.

Labour is harder, harder by a million billion trillion miles. I read some where that labour and birth is the equivilent to running a marathon....and I think that is true.
Physically is the hardest thing I've ever done.

But I'd rather give birth again then have kidney stones again.

The pain was horrendous. Dh had no idea what was going on until I said "I'd rather give bith again then have this" through clenched teeth while wrything in pain.

Awful.

It cannot be compared to childbirth though.....so he deserves a slap fro even thinking it.

falcon · 29/09/2008 12:22

This thread is scaring the crap out of me about the pain of childbirth. I probably won't ever need to worry about it but if I ever do it I want every pain relieving method they have.

Original poster
SuperBunny · 29/09/2008 14:44

okay, so the general consensus is that I am right. Good!

Falcon, don't be scared. I think MrsTH's post was excellent - childbirth is hard but she'd rather do it than have a kidney stone. Labour isn't fun but is so worth it. People do it again and again. And some chose to do it without pain relief so it really isn't unbearable. Just very involved.

Thank you all.

OP posts:
Habbibu · 29/09/2008 14:49

Oh, falcon, don't be scared! I ended up having no pain relief, and it did bloody hurt, but I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. You don't get to take a kidney stone home and cuddle it. Well, I suppose you could ask...

falcon · 29/09/2008 14:54

LOL at the thought of snuggling up with a kidney stone.

Well the cramps I experienced before, when I and the neighbours were beginning to think I was in labour, made me think there's no way I could do this for hours upon end. But I suppose with pain relief I could just about manage.

Unfortunately it's unlikely to be something I have to worry about it, but it's nice to hear you soon forget about it and it's manageable.

HeadFairy · 29/09/2008 14:55

I have no experience of either so I probably shouldn't be posting on here, but I imagine the only consolation of an horrendous painful labour is you get to meet your lovely baby at the end (and the hormonal surge that makes you go gaga for a few days afterwards). With kidney stones there's just that little "tink" as the stone drops out in to whatever receptacle you are using

JuneBugJen · 29/09/2008 14:57

I've heard kidney stone pain is just as bad as labour, and seeing my brother in pain with it was just the worst thing I have ever seen.

Controversial now...In my experience of causing pain to people for many years now as a dentists the gender with the higher pain threshold is...

Drumroll

...Men!!

That is why I have worked in so many mens prisons as they are far easier to treat
than women.

JuneBugJen · 29/09/2008 14:58

[Junebug runs for cover waiting for torrent of abuse}

themildmannneredjanitor · 29/09/2008 14:59

i have had a kidney stone. i think it was worse than childbirth yes.
sorry. it was the most sick making pain ever.

falcon · 29/09/2008 15:00

I'd be too busy running away from you to hurl abuse. I'm terrified of dentists.

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