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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that "parents and siblings welcome" on an invite does *not* mean

33 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:06

please do a dump and run with siblings as well as the invitee!

I meant "you can stay, with all your kids, and enjoy the party". Not "Please dump as many of your kids as are willing to come"!

One mum asked, when leaving her younger child, and that was fine. I know him a little bit, and he's in Reception, so it was fine. Oh, yeah, and she asked!

Ok, I all the sibs were fine, well, one started looking for her mum near the end, but wasn't upset at least. The big sibs were a bit of a handful, running wild, and ... gah.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 28/09/2008 12:07

YABU. I think the wording was genuinely ambiguous.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:10

Last year, nobody did dump and run with sibs! Same wording!

Also, strangely, I don't think anyone RSVPed re: siblings! I have emails saying 'X is coming!' but no mention of sibs.

Yeah, the wording could have been more clear, you're right.

OP posts:
muggglewump · 28/09/2008 12:11

I'd assume that meant parents and sibs could stay, not that you expected them to stay.
I would have dropped DD and ran!

Blu · 28/09/2008 12:13

Yes, but last year everyone was a year younger.

Including the host

Bluebutterfly · 28/09/2008 12:14

Next time may want to write, "We would like to invite you all to a birthday party for..."

Or just invite the "friend" WITHOUT siblings, but don't expect the parents to stay.

wessexgirl · 28/09/2008 12:14

Maybe a little ambiguous, but it would never occur to me to do that anyway. I would have taken it as 'Please stay if you want to'.

God, parties are a bloody minefield. I've never been so wound up about anything as I am about dd1's impending fifth birthday party.

(Well, OK, I have, but all the same...)

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:15

I was fine with dump and run for DS1's friends (he's 7, dump and run has been normal for 2 years). But I like to get to know the parents a bit more, lots of them work, so I never see them. So I say 'parents and sibs welcome' to mean, 'I realise you may not be able to stay at my house with just the invited child, but I'm happy for your to stay with however many kids you have, if you want to'.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:16

Yes, 'please stay if you want to' is what I meant. We had wine and beer.

OP posts:
shoedweller · 28/09/2008 12:18

I think YANBU.

I realise you may not be able to stay at my house with just the invited child, but I'm happy for your to stay with however many kids you have, if you want to'.

That is exactly what I would have understood from your invite and the parents must have known what they were landing you with.

turquoise · 28/09/2008 12:22

I would have taken it the way you meant it. YANBU.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:27

I am probably less inclined to be reasonable today anyway - after the party, we went out karaoke singing and stayed out drinking until 2:30. Whoops.

OP posts:
unfitmother · 28/09/2008 12:29

The words "to stay" on the invite would have made all the difference.

kitbit · 28/09/2008 12:33

Surely the point of inviting siblings is so that parents are ABLE to then stay as they don't have to look after other kids away from the party? Blardy cheeky I think!

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:46

Yes, exactly, kitbit.

I think next year, DS1 wants a quiet party with a few friends, we'll maybe do an outing? Not sure what DS2 will want (Their birthdays are two days apart, so we've always done joint parties).

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 28/09/2008 12:48

YANBU....if I had received such invitation, I would assume that if the siblings would also like to join the party I would stay with them aswell....not that I can dump all my darlings and run...
so, if siblings wouldn't want to come, then I would probably just have to dump the invited child and run...but certainly NOT leaving host alone with even more...

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/09/2008 12:50

i would have taken that as siblings welcome as long as parents stayed

i would also have been pissed off with being dumped with lots of extra children

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 12:52

The extras were about ... hmm ... three bigger ones, and four or five little ones?

People do know my parties are chaos, a friend brought her nephew as well as her two (but she stayed, as did her DH). It's not finely organised, omg we have an extra child where is the party bag, but ... still ...

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 28/09/2008 12:55

no definietely would only be o.k. for otehr kids to join the party if extra pair of hands stays with them....

lovemybuggy · 28/09/2008 14:50

V cheeky i think,
I would also assume you meant parent to stay with any siblings not dump them and do a runner!
YANBU

Hulababy · 28/09/2008 14:53

I have included similar on DD's invites in the past and everyone took it to mean that the parents and siblings were welcome to stay or go (their choice) and none assumed it meant they could drop off the invited child and siblings and then leave themselves.

YANBU

bloomingfedup · 28/09/2008 15:42

YABU. What do you expect if you put that on the invite - should have made it clear.

LucyJones · 28/09/2008 15:45

I don't get it, you told them to 'dump and run' didn't you likeit that they dumped and ran?

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 28/09/2008 15:50

I didn't tell anyone to dump and run!

I did invites to the kids. I put on the invites 'Parents and siblings welcome.' - meaning, siblings with parents!

I was fine with people doing dump and run with the invited children, but the added seven kids (I was asked about one of those) was a bit much. Particularly given I didn't even know the names of two of the little ones!

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 28/09/2008 15:57

I would read parents and siblings welcome as quite clearly, parents with siblings. I mean, it's not likely that you are inviting a certain amount of children but fancy doubling your numbers without any extra help is it.

If people left siblings then I would assume they were deliberately misreading it to their own advantage. Oh, I am sorry, I thought you meant we could leave them. No you bloody didn't, you just thought the invite was conveniently ambiguous.

Next time say, if parents want to stay and help then they're most welcome, and if they say they can only do that if they bring siblings then say, of course, you're all welcome.

babyelephant · 28/09/2008 16:03

YANBU. People have taken advantage IMO. I would have read it as you intended, ie the parents are welcome to come to the party along with any siblings.

Otherwise you would have just put "siblings welcome" surely, if you only meant siblings.

Next time I would put "Siblings accompanied by parents are welcome!" is that less ambiguous? No? pah, back to drawing board... took aaaages to think of that

You are very generous in inviting siblings anyway.