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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dp to phone dd at least once a day when he is away on holiday?

60 replies

lilymolly · 26/09/2008 19:15

Was on other thread yesterday asking if it was right to be bitter about dp going away to magaluf for 5 days leaving me (pregnant) and dd 2.7- General conscenus was he was ok to go, but that I should make sure I get some time away too. Fair point

Any how- he went away Thursday am- and has not rang home at all to either speak to me or dd

Its really made me upset and I am trying hard not to cry.
FFS he has a mobile phone and its not as though its difficult to call from a pay phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilymolly · 26/09/2008 20:46

thanks x

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foxinsocks · 26/09/2008 20:47

yes agree with bramshott

I don't expect dh to call every day he goes away and vice versa (though like Fallen Madonna says, it's expectations isn't it. I would call probably to check everything's ok but I doubt he would and I wouldn't necessarily expect him to).

I don't know how pregnant you are but it can screw with your hormones especially with respect to this sort of thing! Also, if dd is only 2.7 she's not going to understand the phone call that much anyway.

Try and enjoy the peace and quiet and watching what you want on telly, loads of space in bed, eating what you like for dinner etc.

Helsbels4 · 26/09/2008 22:16

I suppose everyone is just so very different. Personally, DH and I speak to each other on the phone at least once a day while he's at work, so if either of us is away then it would be natural to ring and text. What's "normal" for you two? Thanks for the "two minds think alike" kinda post though . Let us know how it goes

Original poster
lilymolly · 27/09/2008 19:40

Latest news-
DP texted this morning to say his drink had been spiked and he spent all day in bed throwing up so did not ring us and that he would ring when the lads got up so he did not wake them
Text was at 8.30am
I replyed back- "sorry sweetheart hope youre ok- ring as soon as you can"

12.30 pm -still not heard anything from him

I Sent snotty text
He rang and spoke to me for a few minutes and promised he would ring back to speak to dd later.

7.15pm dd ready for bed- we rang him three times no answer- dd upset as she wanted to speak to her daddy.

He rings back at 7.30pm once dd is in bed and I have given him a mouthfull about what a selfish wanker he is and he could not even give a thought to his daughter and I hung up

I am now sitting crying and feel like splitting up from him

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JuneBugJen · 27/09/2008 19:43

Oh dear. He does sound like he deserves a big arse kicking when he returns.

And the worst part is that you were so nice in 'letting' him go in the first place. Please dont stew until he comes home, its not good for you, dd and the baby.

Spiked drink?

Bramshott · 27/09/2008 21:01

I'm sorry - I'd disagree. I agree that it is not good that he didn't call when he said he would, but maybe (a) he's feeling really rough, (b) there are always others around and he doesn't feel he can relax on the phone, (c) he's worried about the cost, or (d) he's just not a phone person as much as you are.

Clearly I know nothing about your relationship and maybe you have bigger issues, but I can imagine my DH doing exactly this for any one of the reasons above, and I certainly wouldn't consider leaving him over it!

QuintessentialShadows · 27/09/2008 21:03

Yes, because they spike the drinks of blokes on holiday... Think not. Sorry you are going through this.

I take it this is his last holiday out with the boys? Not mature enough for that privilege.

aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 21:08

God would it be such an effort to phone and say goodnight to your dd fgs?

Have to say i wouldn't have been happy for DH to piss off when i was pg or not.

What is he away for?

Original poster
lilymolly · 27/09/2008 21:23

he has texted back claiming to be ill and his sleep patterns are all over the place

Well fuck that- my sleep patterns are all over the place too due to dd.

He has apologised but hes def lost his privilege of going away again as Quintessentialshadows quite rightly stated.

Gone for a holiday btw

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aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 21:33

Nice

Do you always go on seperate hols btw?

I never get why anyone does that. We have always done family hols. Not critisising btw,just curious

cat64 · 27/09/2008 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tiredemma · 27/09/2008 21:39

his sleep patterns all over the place??

He has only gone to magalluf, not maylasia. Hardly got jet lag im sure

He means pissed and cant be arsed surely?

pudding25 · 27/09/2008 21:43

YANBU. I don't actually get why he would want to go away on a lads holiday and not with his family? Is he very young.

I could kind of understand him not calling you every night although that would piss me off (dh went to his best friend's wedding in the states a few yrs ago and did not call one night as he was sorting best man stuff but I was not pleased) but he should be calling to speak to dd.

Tell him he is a piece of crap and to buy your dd a bloody good present.

Mutt · 27/09/2008 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lilymolly · 27/09/2008 21:48

We had a family holiday earlier in the year btw.
Yes he is only 27 so younger than me.

I think the sleeping pattern crap is a euphamism for pissed and tired!!

Told him he was a piece of crap

He can be a twat Mutt but yes he does have some redeeming qualities but trying hard to rememeber them at the moment

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aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 21:58

I honestly can't imagine DH going on a lads holiday tbh. Why would a bunch of men want to go away together to Magaluf???

I could get a fishing/golfing type thing.

DH

QuintessentialShadows · 27/09/2008 21:58

Only 27. 27 is not young. It may be younger than you, but it is not young. Most people learn to take grown up responsibility a lot younger than that. 20 is young. 21 is young. After that, you can no longer blame "youth".

Sleep patterns all over the place? He is ill? Drunk and hungover more likely. He should be able to call his dd.

tiredemma · 27/09/2008 22:04

I dont think its odd to go away with friends ( I do it, Dp does it). I would be utterly pissed off though if DP never phoned home, or worse used 'tiredness' as an excuse not to call.

aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 22:04

I don't think YABU. I think he is behaving like a twat tbh.

aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 22:05

Not saying it's odd Emma. Just odd for us as we have never had enough money to have family holiday and seperate girly/lad holidays.

Original poster
lilymolly · 27/09/2008 22:07

interesting everyone has offering a different opinion to last night.

Most people last night told me that I had given permission and that as a man he would forget to ring home.

Yes tiredness and drunkedness is a bit of a shit excuse.

But what do I do about it?

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Bramshott · 27/09/2008 22:10

But QS, his DD is 2.5, not 7 - she is too young to really have a conversation on the phone, or to listen to one.

aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 22:11

Is he much younger than you Lilymolly?

Is he normally a twat?

aGalChangedHerName · 27/09/2008 22:11

He should still be calling to speak to his pg dp tho should he not??

Original poster
lilymolly · 27/09/2008 22:14

I am 32- hes not really a twat- but sometimes thinks he lives a single life iyswim

DD is 2.7 and without being big headed is capable of having a conversation with her dad- but agree any upset could be avoided for her as she is still too young to really understand

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