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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely FUMING and upset

80 replies

MrsSnape · 26/09/2008 08:10

Current situation:

I'm stuck on one of the roughest estates in Hull. My kids are due to go to one of the roughest schools in the city. Obv. Very depressed and stressed about it all.

MONTHS AGO I asked my mum if my stepdad would be a guarantor for a prvate rented house so I could move (currently unemployed and single parent, deperately searching for work).

She said YES. HE said yes. They KNEW what a guarantor was because he even said "as long as she promises to keep her repayments up".

So I applied for a few houses but got nowhere.

Wednesday the PERFECT house came up in the PERFECT area, housing benfit ok with a guarantor so BEOFRE I went for it I phoned my mum and asked if it was still ok. She said YES. When he got in from work he said YES.

So I went to see this house yesterday, it was PERFECT and I was told it was practically mine. I was so excited.

I then went and applied for an £800 loan which I was told I was pretty much guaranteed. All I needed to do was get the guarantor form signed and then it was would be pretty much all go from there.

So this morning, my mum phones and says "I'm really sorry but he's decided he won't do it, he's scared you won't pay the rent" . I am fucking FUMING and I swear to god he's done this on purpose because he's that much of a spiteful twat.

I'm just livid, absolutely fucking MAD. I've now applied for an £800 loan which I'll have to pay back for no bloody reason, I have applied for two houses which I'm pretty much guaranteed of getting, I told the kids they would no longer have to go to chav-hell high school next year and then he goes and does this.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE??? Why the fuck didn't he say in the first place before I went and faffed about trying desperately to get these houses? why wait until I'm in the final stages of securing a half decent house to drop the bombshell?

I've never been so annoyed. I ended up arguining with my mum and put the phone down on her (because she was sticking up for him).

OP posts:
Ashantai · 26/09/2008 10:51

Good luck for your interview on Monday, and i think you are showing a strong positive attitude when others would have just let it consume them.

Your kids are lucky to have you

Original poster
MrsSnape · 26/09/2008 10:53

Thanks Janos, its nice to know someone does understand. A few months ago I was rushed into hospital and as I was on my own the kids had to come with me. I then spent the day on morphene(sp?) and a drip ... The family then said "why on earth didn't you ask barry for help? how stupid". Is there any wonder I don't ask him for anything? it just seems nobody understands because he puts on this persona of being a shy, quiet person but he's manipulative as hell and it seems only I can see it! so everyone else thinks I'm being bitter about my childhood.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSnape · 26/09/2008 10:55

Thanks Ashantai I'll let you know how I get on and I'll buy you all a virtual drink if I get it hehe.

Seriously, thanks for all the kind words, it has really helped me today

OP posts:
Janos · 26/09/2008 10:58

I do understand. People who control and manipulate are usually very skilled at pulling the wool over people's eyes! Even in families.

Janos · 26/09/2008 10:59

Maybe I should say, especially in families!

LittleOneMum · 26/09/2008 11:23

Mrs Snape, I'll be your guarantor. What does it entail and what would I need to do? [PS I've got a job].

CountessDracula · 26/09/2008 11:30

Is it just the £800 loan you are asking him to guarantee?

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 26/09/2008 12:25

Having had a situation where my mother chose her boyfriend over her daughter, I sympathise. Your mother seems scared of her husband and hasn't got the guts to stand up for you over him.

What do you need the guarantee for? Is it for a certain amount of rent? I am thinking if it is £800, there muct be 800 of us on here willing to give you a quid so you can give that in as cover in case you ever missed. Any good?

LittleOneMum · 26/09/2008 12:27

Totally up for guaranteeing the £800 loan. Let us know! (or if it's not the £800 let us know what it is. Would definitely consider).

StealthPolarBear · 26/09/2008 12:32

It's the rent she needs covering, the loan is in addition (as a deposit?)

Tortington · 26/09/2008 12:33

wow littleonemum - thats great.

hazygirl · 26/09/2008 12:37

good luck on monday,im sure they will love such a positive ladyxxgood luck to futurex

DanJARMouse · 26/09/2008 12:42

I think the guarentor (sp?) is to cover any missed payments of rent on the tenants behalf.

My dad is guarentor for my brother.

fondant4000 · 26/09/2008 13:04

MrsSnape - just wanted to say I totally know where you're coming from. I left home at 16 because of my twatty step-dad (who kept complaining I was 'sponging' off them because I was doing A levels at college).

We always got along OK, but he was totally c**p at doing the right thing.

And my mum just caved on everything for a 'quiet life' [angry[

It p*d me off for a long time that I could never rely on my family for help or support - like your supposed to.

Now (I'm a grand old 45 this year), I'm dead proud of all the things I did for myself. Got a flat, got a job (after a long time unemployed), went to University (at 23 when they couldn't ask about my parents' income), got a career. Now have two lovely dds (5 and 2) and a home. And I did it all my b**y self.

In the end, I'm glad I have nothing to thank him for, as it would stick in my throat. He died 2 years ago, and my mum and me finally have the relationship he interrupted 34 years ago.

Good luck on Monday. You're doing a great job for yourself and your children.

fondant4000 · 26/09/2008 13:05

sorry 'like you're supposed to' - and there's me saying I went to university...

PersephoneSnape · 26/09/2008 13:21

best of luck on Monday Mrs S - try to think of Barry being a wanker as your impetus to get a smashing new house for you and your DCs and then, when you move into your new house, remember to graciously thnak him, becasue without him being such an idiot, you may not have had to make the decision to get a job and move.

when you get where you're going, which you will, you'll have yourself to thank - not buggery-Barry.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 26/09/2008 21:42

Littleonemum, that is so kind of you and I m VERY grateful for your offer. It's so nice to see people out there who would go to such lengths to help someone they don't know. Thank you.

I've been thinking about it though and I'm going to let the houses go. They would both need carpets and various other bits and bobs which I don't have the money for, I'm currently having to pay a holiday off (long story, got trapped into paying for a holiday to Florida, again someone messing me around and landing me in a heap of poo) and I have a credit card and a catalogue. I've decided I'm going to try for this job on Monday, hopefully if I get it I'm going to pay the holiday off, then the credit card and catalogue and then I'll move when:

a) I have no debt to take with me
b) I have the spare money to pay for carpets etc
c) I am working and don't need a guarantor.

But I wanted to reply and thank you for your kind offer, I truely appreciate your kindness

OP posts:
AramintaAlice · 26/09/2008 22:12

MrsSnape, you really must promise that you won't show this total tosspot SF how angry you are. If you have already in that original convo with your mum, please please don't any more. It's obviously what that nasty git wants, so now you regain the control by not being angry. Well, by not showing it anyway.

As for your mum, I have 6 children with my exhub and one with my new hub. I can confidently say that I'd never allow him to bully or mentally play with my childrens minds. I can't understand any woman who puts any man before her children. Not that I'd allow mine to be disrespectful to their SF, but I would never allow him to make their lives bad in any way. (It's actually very happy and we all get on well but that was mainly down to hard work right at the beginning, making sure that everyone knew where they stood).

Your kids are so lucky to have you, who realises how bad the place is. I feel sooo sorry for you trying to escape like you are, but really impressed by your determination. I hope they appreciate you.

Just do this yourself. It will be the best revenge you could possibly have. If you do well in your life, it will annoy this tosser more than anything.

Let us know what happens?

I really do hope you can get this sorted. Did you see the link a few posts back where someone suggested going through that housing agency? Might be worth a look?

I really do hope you succeed!

cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 22:18

mrssnape

LittleOneMum · 29/09/2008 12:52

MrsSnape

You are most welcome

Best of luck today. Take care x

noonki · 29/09/2008 13:03

MrsSnape,

you might be entitled to a community care grant or a budgetting loan to help with carpets etc

or a credit union might be able to help out depending where you live

things like carpets etc arent always that important,maybe ask your kids what is more important to them moving to a different area or having a nice house

also have you talked to your council, some have a guarantor scheme

good luck x

nametaken · 29/09/2008 13:12

What about forging his signature? Would the agency know it was fake? It's not as if you're gonna default on the payments is it? so no-one will be harmed. Although, of course I know it's dishonest before you all tell me.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 29/09/2008 13:19

nametaken - that's a terrible suggestion! It's fraud and would get the OP in such trouble.

rebelmum1 · 29/09/2008 13:22

Can't your mum do it? Is there a friend you could ask?

rebelmum1 · 29/09/2008 13:23

What a pig for pulling out, christ if you can't rely on family or loved ones it's a poor do.

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