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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...well clearly I AM NOT but dh is (in my humble opinion), please agree with me here

55 replies

Oliveoil · 23/09/2008 13:34

dd1 is 6 next month

we emigrate to Australia about 2 weeks after her birthday

she wants to invite about 20 people to her party "as I have lots of friends this year Mummy" (a lie but who am I to tell her otherwise...). She had 10 last year.

dh says NO, 10ish like last year "as otherwise we will have too much crap to take with us" (he does have a point here as our shippers will have gone)

I think he is being a big bad meany bollocks and I want to let her have the full amount as it is kind of a leaving party too

whaddaya think?

OP posts:
Bucharest · 23/09/2008 13:42

sorry, maybe should explain- we don't lose stuff totally- it just gets left at my Mum's in the UK when we schlep back over on Ryanair.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 23/09/2008 13:42

Will the Assies allow english seeds (don't think NZ would, they may you wash your boots if they have mud on them).

YOu can't say no presents for a 6 year old. You could always parcel everything up and send sea mail so it arrives in however many months time.

But yes, 20 invites.

Original poster
Oliveoil · 23/09/2008 13:42

we are allowed 40kg luggage so it would fit a lot of plastic tat....

righty ho, MN has spoken

I will have a row discussion later

OP posts:
angelene · 23/09/2008 13:42

Can you ask the mums to bring presents that will be small in size but useful to keep her entertained on the flight?

nailpolish · 23/09/2008 13:42

or what about money for some new clothes she will need? its hard asking for money though

charmander · 23/09/2008 13:43

We had party for ds2 (aged 5) just before we went travelling for a year.
Didn't ask for any particular present or mention what we were doing, but people at his school knew i suppose and almost everyone gave him money which we kept for him to spend on something big. he loved it.

GobbledigookisThrifty · 23/09/2008 13:43

Hmm, ds2 is 6 next month and I think I could explain to him why we asked for no gifts and I'd promise to replace them myself with something special when we got to Australia.

TheFallenMadonna · 23/09/2008 13:43

I wouldn't ask for no gifts, but I woudl certianly ask for small ones. I would think it was a very sensible suggestion if it were put to me, and would buy some pretty hair clips (my usual girl present anyway ).

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 23/09/2008 13:43

I think she should have the party she wants - it might help settle any nerves she has about moving - and then either ask for small, easy-to-pack gifts or arrange that some of the new stuff could 'live' with relatives here ready for trips back home or for family to bring with them when they visit (assuming that either of these is likely to happen).

nailpolish · 23/09/2008 13:44

my dd1 and dd2 and 6 and 4 next month
we aer having a joint party for 36 children
dotn care as its not in my house
but dh is doing the disco on his laptop

hes been practicing stopping the music suddenly for musical statues

GobbledigookisThrifty · 23/09/2008 13:44

In fact, people are not thick are they - if you put on the invitation no gifts SIMPLY BECAUSE you would not be able to ship them, I bet most people would do the sensible thing and give cash or hair bobbles or something that you obviously could ship.

If I got an invitation like that I would not give nothing.

nailpolish · 23/09/2008 13:45

no neiterh would i gobblidigook

S1ur · 23/09/2008 13:47

Good point re: Seeds.
But aus dollars is a nice idea (especially because guests can go and change money themselves) and there are lots of small sized presents that would be good.

What kind of party is going to have? Have you going to be ultra UK about it as a goodbye?

Original poster
Oliveoil · 23/09/2008 13:50

I wouldn't like to tramp about finding Aus$ tbh, I fly through the nearest shop in my lunch hour for birthday presents

we are having it at a soft play area (a nice one) so there is also the cost per head issue which is making dh froth at the mouth

most people know we are going so hopefully will think on

dd2 got lots of stuff in August but in the main it was stuff we could take in a suitcase so dd1 may be the same

thanks

OP posts:
largeginandtonic · 23/09/2008 13:50

Agree with Gobble, i would send something like hair clips, stationary etc..

Let her have a big party, she will remember it always. Take lots of pics too so she can look back on them when you emigrate.

LOL at NP's dh practising for musical statues

Original poster
Oliveoil · 23/09/2008 13:51

yes, that is funny

do you have to practise too?

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 23/09/2008 13:54

DH is being mean - it is after all DD's leaving party as well as b'day party. I would be tempted to quietly pass the word through friendly mothers that you really can't transport stuff as your shippers will have left and hope for the best.

stinkymonkey · 23/09/2008 14:15

My DD went to a b'day party for a little girl who was about to emigrate. The family put 'No pressies' on the invitation, but DD still wanted to give something, so we got a chocolate dolly from Thornton's & got them to ice the name on to it. I figured that as it was something consumable they could have it before they left. Chocolate's a practical gift isn't it?

If your friends already know you're moving, surely they won't daft enough to buy big stuff that takes up lots of room?

nooka · 23/09/2008 14:24

I think that your dh should remember that the person who will lose most from this move (at least in the short run) is your dd. So a good send off is going to be really important for her. We didn't do parties for our two, we took ds's friends to see Brainiac and have a pizza and dd chose to have a sleepover. They were really important occasions to them. I can see that loads of kids at a soft play centre isn't quite the same, but if it is what your dd wants, then on this occasion I think it is reasonable to indulge her. If you put on the invitation that it is a birthday/saying goodbye because you are going to Australia in two weeks then that should be a good clue about presents, even if you don't want to be more specific. Or you could say something like presents for the trip would be appreciated (always good to have small things to play with on the plane with that long journey ahead)

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/09/2008 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 23/09/2008 23:21

at np's dh - he's clearly taking it VERY seriously, bless him.

wehaveallbeenthere · 23/09/2008 23:40

Let her have her big party...why not make it a theme of bring a picture of yourself so she can remember you. Exchange addresses and perhaps some stationery or a writing utensil. This is her last party and the memory will be with her forever. She can take comfort in the party until she makes new friends.[]

wehaveallbeenthere · 23/09/2008 23:42

darn, Nooka you beat me to it

thumbwitch · 23/09/2008 23:56

is it possible to get international giftvouchers for e.g. Amazon? Then if they gave those, you would still be able to use them once you got to Australia and DD would get a lovely lot of pressies almost as soon as she arrived..

Definitely have the 20 though - it's her last chance to have all these friends round before she disappears to the other side of the world.

MrsJohnCusack · 24/09/2008 01:38

he's being a totaly meany bollocks

a) people will probably realise
b) you can send some stuff, and depending on who you fly with, they are usually pretty generous about baggage if they know you are emigrating - we took comedy amounts of extra baggage for free on Singapore Airlines when we moved here
c) they won't all come anyway