To be sick of people judging me for my use of reins/ sling/pushchair/ twin puschair or any combination thereof.

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

I have an almost two year old DD an an almost 3 year old DS, my eldest is being tested for ASD and his behaviour can be quite, erm, testing. We do not drive, through choice, and live in a second floor flat by a busy road in London.

I resent being told how I should take my children out and about by random strangers.

• Taking them both, wearing little life backpacks with 'leads' attached, to the local shop, a woman laughed at them and said they looked like dogs, she was almost hysterical and another woman in the shop agreed and said I shouldn't 'tie my children up'

• Taking them both in our tandem pushchair to central London for a full day out, I need a place for them to rest when out for so long, yet every time some twat comments on our 'tank' or tells DS he's a big boy and 'naughty mummy' not letting him walk. Not to mention the huffs and stares as I struggle on and off trains/buses.

• DD in hip sling and DS in single maclaren on the way back from preschool when he's exhausted and almost asleep 'oh that poor girl all squashed to you like that she should be walking, and he's too big to be in a pushchair, oh and you'll regret what you're doing to your back when you're my age'.

So then, And the final straw, today, DS was up until almost midnight so exhausted for preschool. I took DD to collect him in the single pushchair, we picked him up and almost as soon as I put him in it he fell asleep so I put her rein backpack on and we slowly toddled home, not really in a rush, enjoying the weather and stopping to pet cats etc. Then some random woman actually comes out of her house, in her slippers and yells 'you should buy a twin pushchair, those poor kids, look at her'. DD looked around a little alramed and I ignored her and she followed us up the road. I told her we had a twin pushchair at home, but it wasn't her business and she then told me that DS was spoilt and that I would ruin DD's legs by forcing her to walk. I was fuming but calmly told her I didn't need any parenting advice. She stood tutting as we walked away.

Why do people feel the need to comment, and why do they think they know best?

Or is it just that anyone with a child that can't wipe it's own arse is suddenly fair game for public comment and concern?

YANBU! I can't believe there are people out there who think it's ok to comment on your choices. How about, "The Land Rover is being fixed, and the chauffeur is off today so I've been left with no choice"... Or you could just say 'Thank you for your advice. I'll be sure to take it into consideration'...

Some really funny ideas here about how to cope with - as someone put it - nosy old goats. I liked the bhurka idea lol.

My pennys' worth: you could either swing into complete Catherine Tate being evil and do I look bovvered mode or play dumb. It's easy for me to do the latter here in Spain as I am of course a stupid foreigner. So if anyone comments negatively on my son's dummy (he's 2) I can smile and say something totally innapropriate like "Si, gracias - es muy guapo no?" (Yes he's very handsome, isn't he).

tell them to fuck off, none of their business if you want to cart your kids round in a wheelbarrow!! the cheek, trust me i know as i have twin godkids who appear normal on the outside but are disabled and their mum and i always get stares when we take them out, she doesnt have a double but i have 17 mo dd and she has gto go in a hip sling so we can use the 2 special needs buggys for the twins who are 5. we always get the 'omg look how old they are they should be walking' comment, 99% of the time we ign ore, but the other 1% we would say bugger of or sometghing in that line. YANBU, poor love, just ignore them

YANBU.

yanbu - ignore these stupid thoughtless comments. Like the wheelbarrow idea!!

This just shows how subjective parenting really is- i've only ever had good comments when using reins on my (nearly) 2 yr old. Mainly old ladies saying how sensible I am.

You must have an approachable face for people to think they can pass comment!

Just smile, purse your lips + carry on walking!

I don't have this problem so much now, but used to before my ds started school. He's autistic by the way, but we didn't know it then.

He was just always crying + grizzling when we picked up his older sibling from school. If I had him in the pushchair people would be saying, "You poor thing, why doesn't your mum let you walk?" If I let him walk it would be, "Where's your pushchair? Mummy should have brought it shouldn't she, tiring you out like this tut tut!"

It used to drive me mad too!

Ugh, what is wrong with people?!

I once had someone commenting to their friend that I shouldn't be shopping with dd when I was trying to manouvre buggy down some steps... ha! Yes, because it's always such a joy dragging her round the shops I wouldn't have it any other way...

Agree with OneBoyOneGirl. For me I loved my buggy for me more than dd. Could put lots of shopping in it, could walk at a decent pace instead of constantly dawdling, stopping, starting, calling out, etc.

Dd is 4 now and as I was thinking I should probably get rid of it I left it on the bus accidently. Right, no more buggy I thought. Yesterday, bought far too much food at the supermarket and had to walk up hill with my massive handbag full of orange juice and two huge reusable shopping bags all the while calling to dd to hurry up and waiting for my arms to drop off.

I so miss that buggy.

YANBU.

I hate the comments about reins that refer to walking the dog. I was told by one mum that if I wanted to walk around with something on a lead, she'd lend me her dog or horse, choice was mine. I won't repeat my answer in case there are young eyes about..

I've also had comments about having DS walking on reins while pushing a perfectly adequate empty pushchair.

Several of the same mums who regularly make these comments were shocked when DS completed the full 1/2 mile big toddle aged 17 months walking beside me on his reins while they were forced to carry much older children round who were unaccustomed to so much exercise.

You are doing what is best for you and your child. Ignore everyone elses opinion and let them do what suits them

these people sound bonkers..why would anyone berate you for keeping your children safe?

how about a buggy board on the back of your pushchair (you cant collapse it when its attached) i found this to be essential when ds1 was too big for phil and teds. you cant guarantee how far a toddler is prepared to walk from one day to the next.

i think reins are essential (not keen on the wrist ones) my reflexes are not quick enough to stop a child who dashes off...

i think if people kept having a go at me for trying to get to and from one place in one piece i'd start foaming at the mouth in fury

What is it people have against reins??
One of my friends used reins for her toddler twins and another friend used them for her sn son.
Both have been on the receiving end of comments to the effect of "you should take those off, they're not dogs" kind of thing!!!??

yanbu

I'd tell them it was none of their business

OMG I cant believe people are so rude.

YANBU

I rember going to homebase when ds was about 18months. Just as I had an armful of stuff he wanted to be picked up. I tried only to discover he had pooed and it had gone everywhere, All up his back, down his trousers, and as I tried to pick him up a small amount on me too. The car was outside and I didn't have anything in the shop with me to change him so hurried to check out to pay and get out as soon as.

DS still wanted to be picked up so followed me crying. When I got to the checkout this old man said. "oh, children of his age really should have their mothers love and affection"

I was livid. Apart from sticking his nose in where not wanted he had no idea of my reason for not picking him up. Mainly not wanting to get shit everywhere more than it already was, for both our sakes. I just smiled sweetly at him and said. "He is fine" with a tone that said say another word and you will be sorry.

You should get the t-shirt off about manners from the muppet on yesterday's school run.

LOL I love it when people make random comments when I'm babywearing it's so funny - and they soooo do not get it at all - although in a little britain kind of way I often feel like the only babywearer in the North East...

With regard to the reins - better to have them on leading reins than under a bus...

Have you thought maybe about making some signs to strap to self/pushchair/children etc eg see t shirt here www.cafepress.com/thebabywearer/261851