not sure if I am or not?

[susia]

ok my son who was just 3 (and about 2 days) was at a party where there was a large bouncy castle and loads of kids.

He got overexcited on the bouncy castle and him and another 2/3 year old pulled a girl's arm and made her cry. The girl was about 7.

I stopped both of them and the other boy ran off. The girl's father came over and I said sorry for what had happened. He then said to my son 'Well I think an apology from you is in order young man'. I said to him 'he's only just 3, he didn't mean to do it so I don't think you'll get an apology out of him'.

I was really annoyed with him because even though his daughter had been hurt, she was much older and these were only overexcited 2/3 years olds (not 5 or 6 year old). I didn't like the way the man spoke to my son either.

Maybe I was unreasonable?

I think once a child can talk, they should be saying sorry. But at that age, my dd wouldn't have said sorry because she didn't speak. And I wasn't wild about discussing it.

But yes, the "he didn't mean to do it" argument sounds rather like dd now

dandelioness, I have read through the op again and can't see that she is saying he shouldn't have to apologise, just that she got there fiorst and I think that is enough. Tbh though I guess it depends maybe on the time lapse between the incident and the father coming over, or something.

Whether the father thinks the child should have apologised or not he should have kept his mouth shut. But then men are notoriously cack-handed(sp?) at this sort of thing.

You know for me it would be some over protective bloke demanding something of my child that would make my blood boil. I'll be the one to decide whether my child should apologise to someone else,( iyswim,) not another adult?
But then I am somewhat arsey when cornered

Tbh, I'm not a man but I take exception to men being labelled at being notoriously cack-handed at this sort of thing. In my experience some men handle this sort of situation mucuh better than woman because they don't take it so personally. That doesn't mean this man did though.

But reading all the comments from the OP, it is pretty clear she doesn't think her child should have apologised. She keeps making justifications - the other child was 7, the other child was pretending she was more hurt than she was, my child is only just 3, he was just being exciteable, etc.

Yes some men can be more restrained than women, less s emotional I suppose, but then the other side of the coin being that as they are less likely to be at parties etc than the mothers they are MORE likely to over react to a situation,

1. for fear of getting it wrong and being answerable to the misses and

2. because they have less experience of these situatiuons and don't know what is normal behaviour, what to let go, what to make a fuss of etc

You should definitely introduce aplogising for hurting without delay.

YABU. 3 Years is plenty old enough to understand if they've done something wrong and say sorry. My DD is always reminded to say it if she's a bit aggressive with her younger DS. It helps them understand what's socially acceptable if the parent makes sure they apologise when it's warranted. TBH, I've always made DD apologise from when she was old enough to say the word sorry. I figured even if she didn't understand it conceptually, it was the least the other kids or whatever deserved. Is he at nursery? My DD is only JUST 3 (in August) and started nursery today. I'm quite sure her teacher would expect an apology if she did something like this to another child. Even if it's an accident, you apologise don't you?

tbh I'm a bit at someone thinking this man was almost bullying the OP's ds by asking him to apologise. From what I can see he wasn't rude or shouting & there's nothing wrong with calling the child young man - he could have called him a lot worse.

The girl's age is irrelevant too - the OP seems to think she shouldn't have got upset even though she was hurt just because she's bigger than the boys who hurt her .

fwiw my ds is 22 months & always says sorry when he hurts someone, either deliberately or accidentally & I'd expect a child of 3 to apologise unless there's a specific reason why he can't.