to give DP ultimatum "cannabis or us"

[tristaleejac]

My son and I are moving in with my DP of 2 years because we are due our baby in April. We are getting the keys next week.
Is it too much that I said I don't want him smoking hash in the house?
I hate the stuff and fear the kids would find it and put it in their mouths.
Right now I live on my own with son and have a strict no drugs policy, for the sake of my son.
I have told him this is the one rule that will come with me into new house.
He went mad at me shouting about hash not being a drug, compared to other stuff, and said it's just smoke, it's no different to nicotine
Why does he not see that I'm doing this for the children and it IS dangerous stuff and it IS drugs and is NOT the same as nicotine.
It got to the stage where he was saying if I'm not prepared to accept him smoking it in the house he'd reconsider moving in with us. I told him I'd rather be a single parent and have a safe environment for my children. Am I being unreasonable? Why wont he just deal with it?
Sorry I had to ask people's opinions I'm just about at my wits end

he's actually ok when he smokes it, which is why I would never stop him doing it. It's just the passive smoking to the children I have a problem with which is why I'm not allowing it to be smoked in the house.

Agreed on the morning grumpyness though...

it's when he's not smoking you need to look at. my dp was always fine when smoking too.

In my experience 'living in hope' that things would be fine turned out to equal 'deluding myself things would be fine'.

I so hope you don't move your kids in with this guy, you sound depressingly similar to me a year ago.

He's fine when not smoking. Thankfully he doesn't need it every day. Sometimes he'll spend a couple of days at mine and will go without it the whole time.

if a couple of days is an achievement i would honestly be very wary - hope you get it sorted. Good luck.

tristaleejac

If you move in with him you subject yourself and by turn your children to a life where addiction is ever present. He neither wants - or is perhaps able to come off this completely. He seems also deep in denial - another bad sign. You're better off therefore living apart.

I think you should also read the first page of the "Support thread for the Partners of Addicts" on the relationship pages of this website. That could well become your own reality.

yanbu. I would rather be a single parent than live with a cannabis smoker.