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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to get REALLY annoyed and exasperated that DH is vegan?

40 replies

AccidentalMum · 17/09/2008 20:16

I get so cross with it...I love, love, love to cook but do so less and don't enjoy it because I find the results so uninspiring. I feel that the kids are missing out on so much pleasure (they do have occasional dairy/ eggs/ fish) and I am run down and lethargic because I don't see the point in popping all the pills he does to complement the diet. I mean, I see why he does it, but taking tablets to replace what you are denying ourself seems a bit loony to me. I genuinely feel like the heart has been ripped out of my day though which is very dramatic but honest!

Obviously could eat meat etc, but it would be a nightmare, what with lectures, looks, having to cook and eat it really quickly because he wouldn't like it in the house. Also he gets grumpy if I prepare food he can't eat for tea.

In his defense, he cooks A LOT, especially batch stuff for DDs.

OP posts:
emkana · 17/09/2008 20:19

hmm.

I think if he wants to be a Vegan then that's up to him, but you should be able to make your own decisions what you want to eat.

hoxtonchick · 17/09/2008 20:19

i really sympathise. my dp is vegetarian & that winds me up enough... he is actually very reasonable about it, & generally cooks for himself & i cook for myself & the children. occasionally we all eat vegi food together. he never lectures me or makes me feel bad, & is happy for the children to eat meat, & even for him to serve them. actually, he's not that bad at all . sorry, this isn't helping you. i think he's being a bit unreasonable, forcing you to be vegan too. i'd cook what you want for yourself & let him sort himself out.

SorenLorensen · 17/09/2008 20:19

I would hate it too - it seems to me (apologies to all vegans in advance) a fairly joy-less diet - and so restrictive. We used to have a friend who was vegan and I found cooking a meal for him a real challenge - and that was only once in a blue moon. How long has he been vegan?

Katisha · 17/09/2008 20:20

Has he switched since you got together or has he always been vegan?

ethanchristopher · 17/09/2008 20:20

i am going to get absolutely slaughtered here but...

why are people vegans? whats the point? if we made chickens keep their eggs inside their arses surely thats worse for them? and cows... surely their udders would get ful and burst or something??? im not talking about when the calf gets taken away and killed cause we need the milk, their are plenty of farms where this doesnt happen!!!!!

so all in all yanbu because being a vegan is stupid, we need those vitamins to live. plus its annoying to live with them cause its restricting you!!!

AMumInScotland · 17/09/2008 20:20

Personally, I would not become a vegan because someone else decided to do it - up to him what he eats, but you should have what you choose. And if he doesn't like it, then he'll have to deal with that!

Original poster
AccidentalMum · 17/09/2008 20:20

I suppose it isn't him being vegan that gets me, but missing out on preparing enormous roast meals for the kids, and lasagnes etc. and all tucking in.

OP posts:
Original poster
AccidentalMum · 17/09/2008 20:22

No not vegan when we got together....quite the opposite, was educed by my famous ginger duck, chicken in cream etc

OP posts:
nervousal · 17/09/2008 20:23

DP is vegetarian, but dd and I eat meat. He's made his choice about what he eats and I've made mine.

Original poster
AccidentalMum · 17/09/2008 20:24

TBH, I am completely on board with the ethics of being vegan and to some extent aspire to it, but prefer to cut down animal products dramatically wothout scacrificing all sensual pleasure in what you eat.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 17/09/2008 20:25

ethan - that is possibly the worst argument I have ever heard. If everyone was vegan, farm animals would not be bred. Jeez...

do you have to take tablets? My vegan friend doesn't nad is incrediblt health concsious.

If he wants to be vegan, that's fine, but you should not have to be subjected to his lectures. That is out of order. i am veggie, but would not pass judgement on anyone for what they eat. Except of course Greggs sausage rolls, lol!

slayerette · 17/09/2008 20:27

So if I follow your original post correctly...are you more or less ALL following a vegan diet because he does? It sounds thoroughly miserable - particularly the 'lectures and looks' bit. He has no right at all to enforce his diet on the whole family - and it can't be that healthy for the kids. If you are run down and lethargic, imagine how they are feeling - their little bodies need so much more protein to develop and grow. Where does their omega-3 come from? And their calcium?

I would tell him firmly that from now on you will be cooking normal meals for you and the kids, and if he cooks a lot - no problem; he can batch-cook stuff for himself which you can defrost and cook for him while you're cooking the family's meal - so not too much extra work.

ScummyMummy · 17/09/2008 20:27

My goodness, you're not having to be vegan too against your will are you? I would break up with someone who made me eat crap stuff I didn't like, which sounds like what he's doing if only through emotional blackmail. Gag him so you can't hear his carping and eat nice yummy things. Honestly, what a controlling meanie to make the whole family eat shite just because it's what he likes. Really unacceptable in fact. Is he very controlling in other areas of life?

ethanchristopher · 17/09/2008 20:29

nicky - and if those farm animals werent bread, then there wouldnt be farm animals. they would be dead

sorry im a bit dense tonight and cant be arsed to right a full argument that makes sense. that and the fact that i am taking out of my arse and only have what the media say to base my argument on

least im honest :D

but yeah i would say, your diet, you do what you like, you cook for yourself

im cooking this for the kids nd me e.t.c

newforold · 17/09/2008 20:31

how would he feel if you forced him to eat a non vegan diet? He's probably feel that you were being controlling and extremely unfair.

It works both ways.

My other half has an extreme hatred of garlic. The kids and i love it.
I still cook with garlic when the dish warrants it and make his separately.
He has learnt not to moan as it's futile. I will still go ahead and cook the dish anyway.

The compromise is that i recognise that he won't eat garlic and therefore always offer him an alternative.
Your husband needs to recognise that just because he cooks for you regularly it isn't necessarily food that you would choose to eat.

melpomene · 17/09/2008 20:31

Ethanchristopher, I doubt there are (m)any farms which allow all the male calves and chicks to live; they would very soon be completely overrun and the money it would cost to keep them would only be recouped if they sold them for meat. There is considerable unpleasantness involved in the egg and dairy industries. Most vegans and vegetarians would argue that it's better that a factory-farmed animal should never exist than that they should live a life that is nasty, brutish and short.

I think veganism is a more morally consistent position than vegetarianism, but personlly I'm 'just' veggie because it's so *** difficult to be fully vegan, especially when buying food in restaurants etc or going to other people's houses.

To the OP, it's not fair for him to insist on you and the dcs being vegan. He should respect your choice of what to eat. There are lots of dishes that can be adapted to have vegan and non-vegan versions, eg pasta with veg sauce can have cheese added for the non-vegans.

Btw, we do enormous veggie roasts: nut roast (vegan), roast potatoes (roast in olive oil), veggies, vegetarian gravy.

cheesesarnie · 17/09/2008 20:34

ethanchristopher !!!
'being a vegan is stupid'say what you think why dont you.
btw we dont 'need those vitamins to live' actually.whats your views on vegetarians?

im veggie,dh is meaty(as dd says),dd and ds1 are meaty and ds2 is veggie.if dh wants meat he can cook it(but he must also clean up after it including cleaning the cooker/grill etc).i'll occasionaly cook it but id prefer not to.however i dont lecture-theyre choice,the children know what meat is but choose to eat it.

ethanchristopher · 17/09/2008 20:34

but again there are PLENTY of farms that dont do that. i live near a dairy farm that only rear a small amount of animals, they milk the fresian females and send off the males to the meat farms (i actualy dont know what happens fully but i think this is what they said - i think i was istening )

i can kind of understand being a vegetarian though. oh well

i will eat my big greasy meat burgers and you can all look at me with disdain.

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 17/09/2008 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethanchristopher · 17/09/2008 20:37

okay so malory has managed to put my point across without wittering on like me

what i was trying to say is

whats the point? your not going to change anything and i know people say "well if everyone did" but not everybody ever is going to become a vegan. so whats the point?

melpomene · 17/09/2008 20:38

What sort of dishes does he like cooking? A lot of the most exciting vegan dishes are 'ethnic' (for want of a better term): Indian (Madhur Jaffrey has some good books), Chinese, Moroccan etc. Which may not be ideal if your dcs don't like spicy food, but it's not too difficult to cook 2 parallel versions of a dish in separate pans so one is spicy and the other isn't.

SmugColditz · 17/09/2008 20:41

YANBU

Cook healthy balanced meals that you feel are appropriate for your children and yourself. Leave him to faff about himself.

It's not fair for him to dramatically change his ethics then inflict them on you/

Original poster
AccidentalMum · 17/09/2008 20:45

Getting him to batch cook for himself mainly is a good idea. Will be difficult to get back into the habit of cooking everyday myself!

OP posts:
MaloryDontDiveItsShallow · 17/09/2008 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chuggabopps · 17/09/2008 20:46

My BF is vegan too and it is a distinct strain on our relationship. He never dictates what to cook for myself- but woe betide if I get something for him that doesnt meet his criteria. I bought museli for him once that, shock horror, had traces of honey listed in the ingredients. Had to be binned.

I really object because I want to share my stuff with him, even if its a bit of chocolate, and I would love to do family sunday dinners with him, but without the roast and yorkshires its just boiled veg and roast spuds (in oil naturally!). I long to share my things with him, and secretly resent that I tend towards cooking vegan food when he is round cos I enjoy eating meat

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