help - my friend called my other friend a thief

[alice123]

I have started a thread on this ages ago.

Basically at my son's christening 6 months ago my friend's son's shoes got mixed up with another friend's shoes and they ended up taking home the wrong (identical looking) shoes. My first friend who has very little money was very upset as she feels hers were the better condition. So I asked around who had the same shoes on her behalf and gave her my other friend's number.

Anyway, it turned out the other friend thought she had picked up the older pair of shoes. I know the other friend very well, she is 100% honest and I'm sure she just made a mistake and would have gladly swapped them had she known how much it would have bothered first friend. Somehow that didn't happen though.

said to first friend I would phone 2nd one on her behalf as there had obviously been a misunderstanding. She said to leave it.

3 months later I was in the pub with first friend, she had had a few drinks, called 2nd friend a thief and said she hated her (also called my other friends snobs). I was really upset and we talked about it later and she apologised.

BUT today I showed first friend some photos and forgot there were some photos of 2nd friend and 2nd friend's son in there. Said 'oh this is xxx who you don't like!' meant it as a joke...anyway she said 'he's wearing the shoes, she nicked them etc...'

I said I don't like you calling her a thief, she is a friend of mine, she wouldn't have taken them intentionally etc etc. Anyway she said I was still going on about it after all this time but I am really upset, 1st friend is meant to be my best friend, we are meant to be staying with her tomorrow evening and I would never dream of calling her friends a thief.

I totally understand 1st friend has no money, therefore it is a big deal to her. But both children have since outgrown the shoes and I really object to her calling my friend a thief and saying I was going about it when although I said 'this is xxx who you don't like' because I was embarrassed about showing her the photos and she started saying again about she nicked the shoes!

Please help, I don't want to lose her, she is my son's godmother, I have known her for 20 years but my other friend are also important to me.

yes, but I just want to rant here cos I think neither of us had better mention the shoes again! god it pathetic!

the bigger issue to me though is that I have a mix of friends some richer some poorer than me. I am a single parent, not well off but ok. Many of my friends are very wealthy but some have nothing. But I like them all for different reasons and I object to any of them being insulted like that or judged because they aren't the same.

I do feel she has issues about her circumstances but I don't feel judging people is acceptable.

no he has worn them (2nd friends son).

Think I'd have to very carefully explain the whole situation to 2nd friend if I do mention it as she could be very insulted too.
I kind of want to get it off my chest to her now and ask her why she didn't return the shoes but nothing could really be gained from it as they have outgrown them and there is no way 1st friend would speak to 2nd friend about it.

she probably feels bad about it too (deep down inside)

right I have no solution sorry but I hope the talk helped!!
I must go to bad I only switched computer on to work and I've done none

night

night thanks for chatting about such a petty subject!

the whole shoe thing is not your problem surely? if she mentions it again tell her to leave you out of it and bloody well get in touch with the other woman herself

as far as saying if you piss her off she wont speak to you for months, and she is godmother, i think that speaks volumes about her character dont you?

tell her to have a good cry about it, she might feel better, and leave her alone until she grows up a bit

you are not responsible for other people and their actions/behaviour/emotions

lou33 don't think either of us will mention it again now!

Yes her behavour feels very manipulative - I agree. wondering though whether to mention it to 2nd friend as a way of getting off my chest? or if that is a very stupid move?

if it were me (not sure if thats good or bad), i would just tell the friend b that friend a had some problem about this and you were getting dragged into it, and please for the love of god sort it the fuck out

then leave them to their handbags at 20 paces

you are being piggy in the middle here, and you dont need to be

let them sort it themselves

scared the outcome of that though will be that 1st friend will be annoyed that I've not let it drop. The only purpose of mentioning it to 2nd friend will be to get it off my chest and ask why she didn't swap shoes over because I'm beginning to wonder now as well...

no the purpose of mentioning it, will be because you are sick of being dragged into it, and you think they should sort this out themselves

they are adults, let them deal with the issue at hand and leave you out of it

your first friend is not letting it drop, not you

just because a throwaway comment was made, does not mean you are the one causing a problem here

it is her overreaction doing that