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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My MIL has put DD in a local baby of the year competition without asking me first

49 replies

joshhollowayspieceofass · 11/09/2008 17:15

I abhor these type of things. Why would anyone put their child in a competition to be judged on basis of how cute they are or aren't. I'm so cross with her, but can't express it - so poor DH has born the brunt of my fury. I know she's proud of DD but seriously - I find it an ojectification of her - and at such an early age. She's 3 - she understands what has happened FFS!

OP posts:
ChukkyPig · 11/09/2008 17:18

josh I would do my nut too. If your DD loses (which let's face it she might, even though I'm sure she's gorgeous) it's awful to be effectively told you're not pretty enough at that age (or any age!).

Horrible.

Wjat does your DH say?

compo · 11/09/2008 17:19

is it just sending a photo in? or an actual parade

lulumama · 11/09/2008 17:19

YANBU for all the reasons you say. i really dislike those sorts of contests

contact the organisers and withdraw her from it

froggyfroofroo · 11/09/2008 17:20

dont these things need the parents permission first???

Nagapie · 11/09/2008 17:21

I would question just how a non guardian of a child could go ahead and enter a child into a competition without parental consent...

Your child, your rules

meemar · 11/09/2008 17:23

I wouldn't be happy. Can your DH explain your objections without hurting her feelings as she obviously thought she was doing something lovely.

I think the best you can do is completely downplay it to your DD so she realises how insignificant it is.

chapstickchick · 11/09/2008 17:26

its just a photo let it go .....if she wins she wins ...chances re she wont not because shes not a gorgeous kid but some people go out of their way to win ive even seen a mum put clear mascara on her baby .

your mil is just a proud nan - its not ideal shes done it, but its done she didnt intend to cause trouble.

just explain after why u dont lie it and let it go.

i have no mum and my mil died almost 12 yers ago raising children with no nannas cn be very sad -its a specil relationship....i used to fall out with my mil over stupid stupid things and now i realise far too late life is too short.

soon2be3 · 11/09/2008 17:30

I fully sympathise with you. I too despise these competitions. I would be furious too, although you may just have to tell your MIL firmly not to do it again.

2beornot2be · 11/09/2008 17:32

The comps are all a fix anyways none of the kids that win usually are that cute and its a way for some company to make money when u call vote it cost £1.50 a min on most of them

Original poster
joshhollowayspieceofass · 11/09/2008 17:35

Sorry, should have said in fit of anger that yes, they need parental permission to complete the entry - I have a form which I am chucking in the bin, obviously. It's more my outrage that she did it in the first place.

It was at a local baby fair - it's a local paper thing. They were taking pictures there if you wanted to enter your child.

OP posts:
Original poster
joshhollowayspieceofass · 11/09/2008 17:41

That's interesting 2be - I didn't even realise that would be how she was "judged". Not that she's end up in the competition, because I've thrown away the form, but they idea that a city gets to gawp at her pic and decide if she's pretty or not is just - oh my god, I am so angry just even thinking about it.

FFS I agonise over whether to read her stories like Cinderella for fear of putting too much emphasis on a little girls worth being measured by her appearance, so you can imagine my horror at this.

DH is embarassed, and he doesn't like it either. But he has a wierd relationship with his mother - they talk about books, tv, movies, but never about actual STUFF, if you know what I mean. I don't think even have the emotional language between them to discuss this.

OP posts:
combustiblemelon · 11/09/2008 17:42

I hate those things too. I'd just enjoy the righteous anger for the rest of today, then move on. It was a foolish thing to do, and you've put a stop to it. She didn't intend to cause harm.

Megglevache · 11/09/2008 17:43

I can't see the problem, are you upset in case she doesn't win. i'm sure your MIL is very proud of how gorgeous she is.

Imagine if she won! Would you be annoyed then

Cadelaide · 11/09/2008 17:51

So many on here consider their ILs to be malicious.

I don't imagine this was done with malice, I expect she thought you'd like it.

DILs can be awfully touchy, imo.

Original poster
joshhollowayspieceofass · 11/09/2008 18:01

Honestly Meggle - yes, I would still be annoyed if she won. For me, all sorts of horrible thoughts of paedophilia (reactionary, sure) spring into my head when I think of things like this.

She is beautiful to me and DH - whether or not other people think so is entirely irrelevant - she'll have the rest of her adult life to worry about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
joshhollowayspieceofass · 11/09/2008 18:03

I never said I thought she did it with malice. Generally we get on well! I understand she has completely diff inoccent view on this - where she's from (geographically, culturally, generation etc) I get it that it would be something to be proud of.

BUT - come on, I'm her mum. Ask me first.

OP posts:
combustiblemelon · 11/09/2008 18:11

Of course you're right, but the chances are you're not going to be able to make her understand why you're right IYKWIM. It's easier to wait until you're calmer and tell her that you don't want your DD doing it and that you've put a stop to it.

Geepers · 11/09/2008 18:24

I think yab ridiculously u.

In the grand scheme of life it isn't really that important is it?

CostaRicanCod · 11/09/2008 18:25

how naff

likessleep · 11/09/2008 18:27

No, YANBU ... your daughter, your choice I say. If she'd suggested it to you and you said no, fair enough.
But to enter without asking is a step too far.

pamelat · 11/09/2008 19:02

Not unreasonable

I always worry about what kind of sick people may be looking over the baby photos, don't they publish the entrants in local newspapers?

Now I appreciate that most people will be looking to see how cute the children are, but its the minority which I am concerned about. Would rather my DD not be involved.

Its effectively a beauty contest for children

MrsTittleMouse · 11/09/2008 19:04

I don't like them either - why would I want people to judge my child? I think that it was probably done from love and not from malice though, so should be approached gently.

ChukkyPig · 11/09/2008 19:06

For the people who don't think it's any harm, I wouldn't fancy explaining to a 3 year old why she hadn't won. Telling her that strangers think she's not as pretty as other girls would surely be a tad soul destroying? Even if you tried to fob her off she'd know what had happened...

brimfull · 11/09/2008 19:08

let it go

Megglevache · 11/09/2008 20:07

It's just having a photo taken, I wouldn't be telling my three year old any of that if I'd entered.