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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if you live on a 2nd floor flat in an old building YOU TAKE YOUR FRIGGING SHOES OFF WHEN CLOMPING AROUND THE HOUSE?!

34 replies

Bumperlicious · 07/09/2008 20:42

Sorry for the caps, I'm just at the end of my tether. All we hear from upstairs is CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP of the cow upstairs as she thunders around her flat in her shoes ALL DAY! I mean, who even wears shoe around the house all day?!

The thing is, we wrote a note about 2 weeks back politely complaining at being woken at 3 in the morning several weekends in a row as she clomped into her bedroom and chucked her shoes on the floor, in the middle of the frigging night!

Anyway, I wrote a polite note just saying, "oh I'm sure you didn't realise how noisy it can be, but we can hear you in your shoes the whole length of our flat and a few weekends you have woken us up at 3am. Do you mind not doing it" type thing, very polite and friendly, and she came down and was in a real huff that we had written a note and not gone in person (we don't know her, I thought a note was the more polite non-confrontational option, and I am too much of a wuss to do it in person), so anyway she got in a huff about that and didn't apologise, just said "well, when you moved in and your baby woke us up in the night we never complained". Well, what can we do, she's a baby?! And she was only under their bedroom for about a month and doesn't disturb them now.

Despite all this, or because of all this, she is still clomping around in her frigging heels up and down her flat. It feels like she might be doing it to spite us now. It's so annoying, all bloody weekend. AIBU to expect her to take her shoes off when she knows she is disturbing her neighbours underneath?

OP posts:

harpomarx · 07/09/2008 20:48

does she have wooden floors Bumperlicious?

sympathise with you, btw, it's really hard to confront neighbours about this kind of thing. I have been both the offender (well ex dp actually, who loved to blast his stereo REALLY LOUD ) and victim in this situation and if I had the money I would never again live in a conversion or terraced house.

takingitasitcomes · 07/09/2008 20:48

Oh I really empathise. DH and I were driven mad in an identical situation in our second flat together. We tried asking them nicely at first... we went up to ask them to stop it when it was happening (2am) and they just pretty much ignored us. They thought we were being unreasonable. I don't have much hope that your neighbour will change, given her response so far. We were lucky in that the people above us moved out about 6 months after we moved in and the next tennants were slipper-wearers (yay!).

I wish I had good advice to offer. Instead just big sympathetic hugs - it can make you sooooo angry in the middle of the night, can't it?

anniemac · 07/09/2008 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kitsmummy · 07/09/2008 20:52

Ummm, you won't like this but i think YABU. Most people wear their shoes in the house and shouldn't be expected to take them off just cos they live in a 2nd floor flat. If the issue was she was playing music really loudly etc I would say you were justified in complaining, but you can't really expect people to change the way they dress. Don't flame me but I would think if you choose to live in a 2nd floor flat in an old building you need to expect noise issues from neighbours, and in the great scheme of things, wearing shoes in the house is not the worst thing that could happen...

beansmum · 07/09/2008 20:54

Loud music, shouting, playing football... not ok. Walking... ok really.

YABU

spicemonster · 07/09/2008 20:56

I think it's pretty reasonable to wear slippers in your flat when you know the people below can hear everything. My neighbours upstairs ripped up all their carpets and put down wood flooring. I can now hear every footstep, the dialogue when they're watching telly, them peeing, when they're in the bath and when they're working from home (he is a photographer). I can't wear earplugs because then I won't be able to hear my DS if he wakes in the night.

It has made my life absolute hell and I am worried that I will never be able to sell my flat.

So no, YANBU.

anniemac · 07/09/2008 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LazyLinePainterJane · 07/09/2008 21:05

clomp clomp clompety clomp

YANBU

chop her feet off.

LazyLinePainterJane · 07/09/2008 21:05

but beansmum....at 3 am!!

spicemonster · 07/09/2008 21:05

I don't get pissed off unless it's after 11pm. But I do think if there's people who live below you, you should take your shoes off at night. I can't believe anyone thinks that's okay! It's common courtesy.

You didn't have kids visiting in the middle of the night did you anniemac?!

Original poster

Bumperlicious · 07/09/2008 21:06

She doesn't have wooden floorboards, just very thin carpets (we know this as she showed DH after we mentioned in the note that we assumed they had wooden floorboards - not allowed in this sort of flat).

We wrote the note because we just wanted to make them aware how much noise they were making, they may not have realised as the are on the top floor, but also because 3 weekends of waking us up at 3am is defo unreasonable. We have clauses in our contract here that say you aren't allowed to make anti-social noise.

I don't think it is unreasonable to make a small concession to avoid disturbing neighbours. You are right though, it can escalate which is why I am venting here rather than banging down her door (if I could reach my ceilings I would bang them to get her the message!).

Do people really wear shoes all day around the house - at 9pm?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bumperlicious · 07/09/2008 21:07

I am thinking of buying her some slippers for Christmas - a neighbourly gesture! I don't think she would find it funny though!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 07/09/2008 21:08

we once had a downstairs neighbour complain about the sound of DD1 crawling.

and every place in the flat was carpeted except kitchen and bath.

and she went to bed at 7.30PM.

landlord told him to get knotted.

Original poster

Bumperlicious · 07/09/2008 21:09

Oh, and what we didn't mention in the note was that when they woke us up and after she had chucked her shoes on the floor - THUMP THUMP, we could then hear them shagging!

OP posts:

spicemonster · 07/09/2008 21:11

Seriously bumperlicious, I'd go and talk to her. Notes are really horrible and feel much more aggressive than a face to face convo. I'm sure if you go and speak to her, it'll be much better. Or invite her down for coffee? That may seem odd but if you aren't harbouring hateful thoughts towards her, the noise won't bother you nearly so much.

pinkbubble · 07/09/2008 21:15

Bumperlicious, as its a flat - do you have anything in the leasehold about carpets being laid? (thats if they have just floorboards)

Its just that I remember when we lived in a flat, we were not allowed to have bare floorboard. It had to be carpeted all the time.

This maybe a way to go!

I personally hated living in a flat, we did not have trouble with floorboards, but with upstairs singing "hippie" songs at gone midnight! They thought that as they were not there Mon - Thurs, when they were there, they could make as much noise as they liked!
Very early hrs of a Monday morning, there were DH and I lying awake listening to someone strumming the guitar, someone on a drum kind of thing and them all singing in some sort of round!
When we did complain (in a very nice way) We were told that we should live where they live in London - near a train station, then we would know what noise was! We live about 70 miles from central London - quite near enough!

cargirl · 07/09/2008 21:16

Perhaps you could go and apologise about your baby waking them up, that you are sorry you had no idea that was the case and you wish they had informed you and you would have moved baby into a different room at night. Imagine what is was like for them with no idea how long it would be going on for. Take a peace offering - bottle of wine say sorry for the baby waking them and for sending a note that yes you should have popped around in person but you were too shy - try and appeal to their better nature rather than escalating the situation.

Offer to contribute something to new underlay & carpets

traceybath · 07/09/2008 21:17

i wear shoes all the time in my house - i'm small and feel like a teeny tiny person if i take them off!

also wouldn't do notes - we had a neighbour in a house who did this and i thought it was really odd as we lived in a friendly village but they were newcomers from the big city

i can understand its annoying for you but would try and sort it out amicably. She probably has no idea of how loud she is - reminds me of an episode of friends!

anyway you could invite her in for a coffee and try to sort it out amicably?

3am is of course out of order - do you have a management committee who can resolve/arbitrate if things don't improve?

anniemac · 07/09/2008 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Salleroo · 07/09/2008 22:13

We live on the top floor of a conversion. Installed wooden floors throughout with extra insulation and I wont wear noisy shoes in the house (heels) I dont think its fair on the folk below.

Mind you, we currently have 4 in the 2 person flat below us who I've had to talk to, pop a note under the door and finally talk to their landlord. We co-own the freehold. Anyway, she forwarded my email on to them &. Cue a very strained couple of weeks. Their water went this weekend so I made sure they knew they could come to us for water and showers (which they took us up on) so that they didnt think I was a cantankarous old cow! I'm not, I just like to be able to go to sleep. Things are back on an even keel. I'll definately have any more noise related 'chats' in person.

DD comes into us every morning any time from 6-7 and all she wants to do is cruise about or sit on the floor and bang her feet which is cringe inducing as I'm sure they can hear her.

I cant wait to eventually move to a house, preferably in the middle of a field!

expatinscotland · 08/09/2008 13:36

i would seriously rather live in a caravan or yurt before i live in another flat again.

i think they just suck all around, excepting maybe ground floor ones, as sooner or later you wind up with an inconsiderate neighbour.

MorningTownRide · 08/09/2008 13:57

When we lived in a ground floor flat we couldn't hear the neighbours walking around...we could hear them weeing though

YANBU - she knows she is making a racket and making no effort to be quiet.

batters · 08/09/2008 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2beornot2be · 08/09/2008 14:17

If its a council flat let your local council know my GD used to walk in her mums shoes the neighbour complained to the council and the council had to buy my friend a new carpet for each room of the flat

starzzz · 08/09/2008 16:42

I used to live in a flat, and was constantly woken up in the middle of by the couple upstairs fighting and screaming, slamming doors etc. It was a nightmare! So... it could be alot worse

Id suggest going up with a bunch of flowers, and making some kind of "peace offering" joke, and then trying to discuss calmly.

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