to be totally and utterly fed up of people constantly telling couples that their relationships are inferior if they are not having sex at every opportunity

[fairywing]

Grrr this is something that has really annoyed my for a while now but i have just been watching the phone in on the topic on The Wright Stuff. I am in a very very happy relationship of 9 1/2 yrs. My husband an i met when i was 15 and he 17 and we married last year. In the early years we were admittedly at it like rabbits! However over the last 5 years sex has been less important. I don't have a particularly high sex drive and work hard as does my husband although he has a higher sex drive. Sex simply isn't the most important thing in our relationship. We are currently TTC so have made a conscious effort to spice things up a little and are enjoying that but if we weren't TTC we wouldn't be doing it as much. Or relationship is very strong, even when we aren't having a lot of sex we kiss, we cuddle and most importantly we talk. To me those are the most improtant parts of our relationship. I spent a good few years thinking that all of this meant that there was something wrong with me. Thinking that the fact that i could sometimes have a couple of months without sex without particularly noticing meant that there must be something wrong with our relationship. After a while i came to realise that this wasnt the case. I talked to my husband about this and we both agreed that although he moght ideally like sex a little more we are both happy with the way things are. We both fancy each other and both enjoy sex when it does happen. Surely thats what is improtant rather than how often you do it?? I have since had similar conversations with friends who have said that they are exactly the same. For me sex when it does happen is special and spontaneous and rarely not good rather than being part of the routine. So why do the media constantly reinforce this message that if you are not having sex at least three times a week there is something wrong with either you or your relationship and you need counselling

So i really don't think i am but AIBU or is it about time the realy picture of sex in long term relationships was revealed and the fact that a lack of sex does not make your relationship stale or meaningless.

Rant over

My hubby also gets grumpy if he gets no rumpy pumpy!

Ha Ha love the way that sounds!
Currently runnning at fortnightly as 22 weeks pregnant - however now we have solved the problem of how to fiddle the right bits in a comfortable position he may get luckier slightly earlier this fortnight!

I think 3 times in 1 day happened twice at the beginning of relationship....

My mum is always telling me about her sex life with her boyfriend. It is tmi but she tells me anyway.

However they leave each other every other week and have awful arguements so I'm sure that my relationship is far more stable despite probably less sex!

Peacelily PMSL at Penfold!

I think problems only occur if a couple's sex drives are vastly different. Of course most blokes would have more if it was on offer, as long as both partners are OK with the frequency, it's fine.

Dh and I have slipped into a kind of pattern of one week a month being fairly up for it and two others when if it happens it happens but we;re not that bothered if it doesn't (and one where I'm on my period).

The thing with us is that the quality is fantastic and gets better as we go on. I'd rather have one really good shag a fortnight than 3 mediocre in a week!

I have been in both situations however. My first dh was not really into sex and I always found it a bit strange and insulting. Our sex life dwindled to nothing. Believe me it was an effort for him when were TTC! We are no longer together and my current DP now regulary tells me he fancies the pants off me. TBH this is a turn on in itself!

I think sex is very very important tbh

if your both happy then there isn't a problem

but sex is important IMO

its a good thing and i would be going to docs if my sex drive went.

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I think sex is hugely important in a relationship.

DP gets really uptight when he hasn't had it for a few days, it's a great stress reliever on both parts.

What is important is that you both agree on the amount of sex going on, and if you want hardly any but your DP wants it every day then I think you should make more of an effort to have it more often and compromise (not you as in OP, you as in general).

OP, you have said that your OH would like it more often, so maybe to him, it is an ishoo.

I don't know how people can make sweeping generalisations about whether it's important or not - everyone is different and every couple and family is different.

Sex is hugely important in relationships where sex is hugely important.

In relationships where sex is less important, sex is less important.

i think sex is important and lack of sex is often a sign of a deteriorating relationship

but it is a personal thing and if you and your partner are happy then fine no need to compare with anybody else

lots of people arent happy with little or irregualr or no sex in a relationship and it does have a bearing on their feelings

for me a relationship without sex would be incomplete and ime lack of sex has been a factor in deterioration

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Almostblue has got it I think! Lol. It's important to me and DP, kids or not, but I wouldn't assume less of a couple if it wasn't. As long as you are both happy, fine. I do sort of think that men (and women I suppose) would be less vulnerable to flirty outsiders if that side of things is solid at home though, but that sounds a bit old-fashioned. Just my opinion.

Does she not like sex at all Icod?

That's kind of why I am not with my Ex DH anymore Bitoffun.

no that wouldnt be true either necessarily

its all about the relationhsip only the couple ivolved knows that

and they dont know if they dont honestly exprees their feelings

sometimes people are not at all honest about sex even in what they admit themselves to themselves

it can happen that someone says they are fine with a sex free relationship but years later they admit that they convinced themselves of that

it is too complicated to generalise

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and it doesnt necessarily mean that either partner isnt having an affair or one night stands because they are having sex regularlky with their partner

I don't think having sex means it's all ok, but if a couple used to have a good sexual relationship, which then deteriorates, often the whole relationship suffers.

Cod - some men are arseholes however good they have it at home. Your ss was bvoulsy not to bame whether they were doing it daily, weekly or whatever....

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@ Zippi, I think that's true - as other people have said, it's important to be close in other ways too. I just think that it's easier to dismiss flattery for what it is when you feel you have your partner's admiration and affection. If there has been a big drought, people can sometimes go a bit daft when someone else starts making googly eyes at them, that's all!