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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so cross at friend who thinks i have it 'easy' Because I go to work!

67 replies

memoo · 02/09/2008 18:54

She is a SAHM with 3 DC 2, 5 and 7.

My DC are 7 and 9

I was complaining a little bit today about having to go back to work after long summer hols (I work in a school) She said that I should be grateful that I get to get away from the children each day, that its harder for her because she is "stuck at home with the kids all day"

I don't doubt that its hard for her. I too was a sahm until my youngest went to school but I think its really unfair for her to say I have it easy! I still have to do all the housework stuff when I get in from work.

I just hate the way people judge, how can one person say that someone else has it easier than them. I work bloody hard! as i'm sure everyone else with kids does too.

Maybe she was just having a bad day but for some reason I am really cross with her.

OP posts:

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 02/09/2008 19:44

I have been at home for the last two days with DS. Now granted the workload has been somewhat skewed the amount of bleeding laundry from holidays, but apart from that all I seem to do is fill the dishwasher and feed DS.

The cleaner came in whilst we were on holidays, so we came home to a show house, it now looks like a shit tip, despite the fact that I have been constantly tidying.

I can't wait to go back to work for a rest.

Ronaldinhio · 02/09/2008 19:47

I think its far easier to go to work, as does my DH.
I guess that's because there are only so many time I can play ring a ring o roses, read not now bernard, sing baba blacksheep and hear no to everything in one hour and nothing in my work is that intense.
Nothing is as great either but I think being at home is harder

bossykate · 02/09/2008 19:48

i have been not working for the last six months and find it much easier than working!

horses for courses.

bossykate · 02/09/2008 19:50

although i think people's definitions of "easy" vs "hard" can be very different.

JuneBugJen · 02/09/2008 19:54

sorry, me too bossykate. Work is hard and boring, ring a roses and coffee is fun! (oh lord...I need to go out more having read that sad statement.

Tutter · 02/09/2008 19:56

i'm sure both can be hard

one thing i am envious of though (as a sahm) is the ability to do one thing at a time - to concentrate fully on something

and to have my lunch on my own

cat64 · 02/09/2008 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

makeminealargeoneplease · 02/09/2008 20:42

I wouldn't take it to heart too much, TBH I think it sounds like she's having a bad time of it at the moment. She sounds a little jealous of your situation which would indicate that she's finding it difficult to cope. TBH she has a 2 year old and a 5 year old, which I can imagine is pretty tough going, not to mention her other one. You on the other hand have older ones, who I imagine aren't as demanding as toddlers, correct me if I'm wrong, as I only know what its like to look after toddlers at the moment. The comment was pretty insensitive, but leave it a few days and when its not so raw bring it up with her and ask her how she's coping at the moment, why doesn't she call in some help from her kids granparents, or DH, friends, if she's feeling a bit suffocated. I understand why you are , but the grass is always greener.

makeminealargeoneplease · 02/09/2008 20:45

Cat64, sorry didn't notice your grass is greener comment, didn't mean to steal it! Great minds think alike! How many more cliches can I think of??

reginaphilangy · 02/09/2008 21:20

YANBU memoo - it would have pissed me off too.

I'm in the same situation and i go back tomorrow after the summer hols. Tbh i do think its easier at work (i have 3 dd's and look after my neice and nephew twice a week in the hols too - ages range from 13 months to 9 yrs) but even though I think it ...i wouldn't thank anyone else for saying it to me

Just nod and go along with her - not worth losing a friend over

pudding25 · 02/09/2008 22:39

Its not a competition.
But, I am dreading going back to work as a teacher in jan (hopefully part time). Looking after other people's children, working 24/7 doing planning and assessment, and not getting to see enough of my baby (and all the house stuff on top of that). I wish I could afford to be a sahm, at least until dd was 1.

Hoping to win the lottery some time soon!

Twinklemegan · 02/09/2008 22:48

It totally depends on personal circumstances. I happen to love my job, and my DS is currently in the midst of the terrible twos, therefore I freely admit that I have it much easier than poor DH who is a SAHD. But I hated my previous job and I would feel very differently about things if I still worked there.

What I can't stand though is the way I feel looked down on by and judged by some SAHMs. If you think that's what your friend was doing then you've every right to be annoyed.

Twinklemegan · 02/09/2008 22:53

And if you do have it easier I'd say it's because both your children are school age, not because you work. If her children were the same age as yours I'd say she had it easier hands down!

berolina · 02/09/2008 22:55

WOH is harder, far harder. IMO.

berolina · 02/09/2008 22:55

And E.

juuule · 02/09/2008 22:59

Agree with Berolina.

Woh is more difficult. imo and ime.

Twinklemegan · 02/09/2008 23:03

Don't you both think it depends on the age of the child though? I'm convinced being at home all day with a toddler is the hardest work there is (or perhaps that's just my toddler). Now if I'm at home and DS is out with his dad, then I get a taste of being a SAHM with school age children - and that is very very easy.

bossykate · 02/09/2008 23:05

i think it depends many different variables.

Raine3 · 02/09/2008 23:09

I have done both ... work gets my vote every time ... in fact I only gave up because we had too many medical appointments ... oh god how I miss the sanity of it.

pointydog · 02/09/2008 23:10

yes, it's a daft comment. She's made her choice, you;ve made yours. If she envies you so much, she can make plans to go back to work.

reginaphilangy · 02/09/2008 23:10

Twinkle megan - yes i agree with you, age is a massive factor. But also, i think, how many children you have is a factor too.

I have 3 dc's of my own and when one of them isn't there, it seems soooooooo much easier! If my older ones are at school, my baby feels like a doddle! When all 3 are together, its often easier to go to work! (although i still wouldn't want someone else telling me that!)

Many varying factors methinks ...

Quattrocento · 02/09/2008 23:14

YABU. Work is a whole lot easier than staying at home with three.

lydiathetattooedlady · 02/09/2008 23:25

SAHM's complain about working mums having it easy and vice -versa...what about those who go to work AND take their children with them? i say i win hands down at having the most difficult job!

berolina · 02/09/2008 23:25

I have variously been a SAHM, WOHM FT and PT, and a WAHM. I have just gone back to my OH PT job from mat leave and my days at home with my 3.3yo and 11mo are much easier. I just feel entirely different during and after them - work is incredibly draining. I shoul add in fairness that I am not too fond of the job. But being with the children, although it can test my nerves greatly, often actually energises me.

Kewcumber · 02/09/2008 23:29

it is a competition and I win (IMVHO). My life is far harder than yours (whatever you do). So stop all your moaning and join together to admire my fortitude in adversity.

(or maybe its just time I went to bed)

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