to be feeling more than a bit depressed about this email from an old friend?

[RebelMum72]

Quick background: went to college together, were very close for years, then we sort of fell out because I couldn't come to her wedding two years ago. Since then, we started tentatively emailing again about a year ago, and things had been going fine until I didn't hear anything for a couple of months, so I called and left a message for her. Got an email in reply this evening, and the bit I'm upset about is the following:

"A lot has happened to me in the last couple of months, it?s been difficult but it is getting easier. I feel that perhaps you would like to begin to resume our friendship? For me personally ? now is not the right time, I have things that I need to do first for myself. I hope you can understand this. When that time comes to hook up again, I do trust it will suit us both. "

There's just no hope any more, the friendship is dead and buried as far as she's concerend, isn't it?

I am not sure there is much point in any of us trying to decide whether she sounds cold or odd or anything else is there.
Surely the whole point is what you want.
Whether you are fond of her and she is worth it, only you can decide. If you still want a relationship then just mail her saying you are sad she does not feel able to contact you just now but you will be happy to hear from her when she is ready.
I had a bad depression following DS2's diagnosis and couldn't deal with anything outside him and my imediate family for a while.
I lost some friends through that but I have always figured that if they couldn't give me a bit of space when I was really struggling then ultimately they didn't really care about me at all.

Blimey, I agree with Anna8888 [faints].

It does sound somewhat cold and detached but that could be because she's hurting for whatever reason.

It could be she doesn't feel close enough to share with you now...maybe the very marriage you "fell out" over has come to an end and she feels too embarrassed to talk about it. Whatever it is, she did email you back when im presuming it would have been easy to ignore you.

Just send her one back saying you understand, and hope to hear from her..that kind of thing. Then leave it at that. Giving a friend space is as important as being there for them I think.

yep, agree with Anna's last post. All this hand wringing is just a waste of energy.

Read op - drop the friend. SHe sounds mighty aggrieved and it's not worth you wasting heartache over.

Thanks again for all your responses.

I know, of course, that I am the only one who can decide whether it's worth pursuing this friendship or not, but it's good to hear other points of view, and anyone else I could have asked ie friends and family, also knows her so would have been slightly more biased in their responses.

Part of me thinks that if she's been through a difficult time, I should just wait until things have sorted themselves out and see if she wants to get in touch again. I would hate to lose her because, as I said, we were very close and she's the only friend I have from my college days.

However, another part of me is thinking "sod her", she has always been quite high maintenance, and either I am important to her as a friend or I'm not, she should make up her mind finally.

Hmmm.

I think I need to sleep on this a few nights before I decide what to do. But really, I want to thank all of you who took the time to reply. I don't very often post, but I'm on MN quite a lot looking for advice and tips etc, and I love the way you get such a cross-section of views and opinions on any one topic!

Perhaps I have read her reply differently than you but I immediately felt that she has been through something major and that it reads like she thinks you know what it is. She is under the impression you will know what she means. It could be a death of a relative or anything, but tread carefully. I don't think she is rejecting you but is obviously down at the moment.

Have skim read but I'd reply saying "sorry things have been tough for you recently. If you want to talk at any time please don't hesitate, you know where I am if you need me." Then I'd leave it at that.