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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am but need to get it out.

34 replies

shoot · 01/09/2008 19:43

MIL always whinges that she never gets to look after son but she is a SERIOUSLy toxic parent and grandparent. To a ridiculous degree. And she is an unhealthy person for my DS to be around.

I always say well you never ask even though I tell you to.

Tonight she has rung and asked to mind him and I can't think of a good excuse so I'm having to say yes she can have him Wednesday afternoon.

When she will tell everyone he is her DS and probably take him to see DP's bitch ex fiancee, who still wants my DP, and then tell me all about it.

She will do anything to wind me up, not give him his medicine on purpose and make me never want him to go there again.

But I've had to say yes to be reasonable. Urgh.

What d'ya reckon?

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 01/09/2008 19:45

What medicine does he need?

ParCark · 01/09/2008 19:46

Message withdrawn

Lauriefairycake · 01/09/2008 19:46

Saying yes is not being reasonable, given her behaviour you should say no and keep saying no til he's old enough to take his own medicine/discern how crazy she is.

YANBU

highschoolmusical · 01/09/2008 19:47

Just tell her no. I f she causes you that much stress and will not look after your son properley - don't let her mind him.

Ronaldinhio · 01/09/2008 19:47

YANBU, do want you want with your own child, suit yourself and you'll be happier in the longrun

EustaciaVye · 01/09/2008 19:48

What is your DPs view of his mother?

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 19:48

He needs his reflux medicine. She doesn't give him it, claims she's forgotten, whinges he's puked all over her and then doesn't change her clothes for days so that she can tell everyone a baby did it. Because she's obsessed with babies.

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. She does my nut in.

OP posts:
blowsy · 01/09/2008 19:49

Tell everyone he's her ds? She sounds like a nutter!

beanieb · 01/09/2008 19:50

Can't you get your DP to have a word.

Has she missed giving his medicine a lot? I wouldn't let him go if this were the case and I would tell her why too!

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 19:50

Sorry cross posted. DP thinks she's a bit mental but it annoys him that she drives me so mad as she still sort of manipulates him to make me look bad and her look great. But she's a bloody weirdo.

And I don't want her and her new husband taking baths with my DS like they do their other GS, it's just weird. Sorry, but it is.

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 01/09/2008 19:52

they all take baths together??

wahwah · 01/09/2008 19:53

omg. If I were you I wouldn't allow this woman anywhere near my child unsupervised under any circumstances.

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 19:54

Her and her DH have a bath with their other GS. I just think that's weird so I won't let DS stay there overnight. I mean it's not untoward, they are open about it and say he loves his baths and stuff but I just find it strange.

DP was brought up mostly by his auntie and she's great, it's just his mum that's a strange one.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 19:56

I feel so sorry for DP as he is hideously embarressed by her but doesn't like to cause a whole family feud because she's a big loud mouth who everyone thinks is wonderful.

OP posts:
wahwah · 01/09/2008 19:57

So, Shoot, what are you going to do?

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 19:59

He's going to have to go for a couple of hours and I'm going to have to panic the whole time and get upset when I pick him up and she goes on and on.

Sorry i sound like such a whinge arse but so needed to rant about her.

At least I'll have some more ammo to say NO to DP next time.

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 01/09/2008 20:02

cant you just say that you are not comfortable leaving him with her? surely she must know her behavior is not appropriate?

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 20:06

She honestly thinks she's Gods gift. She dresses like a 16 year old, all tarted up, just to walk him into town! If she was a bar of chocolate she'd eat herself.

My sister saw her the other day waltzing along with my DS in pram wearing hipster cut off jeans, a tiny strappy top with her boobs and tummy out, huge wedges etc etc and she's 50. Which isn't old but she dresses younger than I would dare to and I'm 23!

That's beside the point but the whole thing just makes me uncomfy and yet she says DS is the closest thing she'll get to having another baby which really freaks me out. Her husband is very strange, really.

Urgh it's such a mess and I don't want to offend DP because he's lovely, as is his sister and you would NEVER think they came from her.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 20:10

Oh I feel horrible for saying all this nast stuff now but I haven't said anything untrue. And it's better I vent on here than in real life I suppose. I don't want to be a horrible person.

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 01/09/2008 20:10

but surley if you feel this strongly about it then your dp should aknowledge this and support you in your decision. its not like you want to cut him out of her life or never see her agian. just not on her own till he is bigger.

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 20:11

How would I actually put it into words?

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 01/09/2008 20:13

well its not exactly the same situation, but when i was faced with leaving my dd with my in laws and i didnt want to i said just that 'i was not at all comfortable leaving her when she was so young, and the way it made me feel was awful, but i cant relax when she is not with me. best to leave it to another tiem when she is older'

(although i did tell my mil over the phone)

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 20:15

The only thing is that MIL hates that my mum looks after DS we've slipped up and mentioned it before and she got all funny about it.

I've let her have him briefly before but only on my terms IYSWIM.

I do have very bad PMT os maybe that's why my feelings are so magnified this time.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 01/09/2008 20:17

she will prtend your child, her grandchild, is her ds...what is wrong with that woman...
now I usually feel sorry for the MIL (because, you see, I have 3 boys, so, am hoping that I will have dil that like me.... )....but that one seems a tad out of touch!

Original poster
shoot · 01/09/2008 20:19

It's strange isn't it? She's had miscarriages recently and gone loopy. She likes to play mummy and know best.

OP posts:
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