Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have asked this person not to swear in front of my children?

40 replies

Amethyst86 · 29/08/2008 09:39

At the park with dc. A fight broke out between two children. The mother of one of the children came up and starting telling both children off, tbh she was a bit shouty. Father of the other child got up and said quite angrily "Oy, stop f*cking shouting at my kids", he said it a couple of times, quite loudly and made my dd (23 months) jump, also ds was looking scared both by the fight and the row.

I said "Would you mind not swearing and shouting in front of my children please, I understand you are angry I would be too if someone shouted at my kids but you are making it worse", whereupon he turned on me and shouted at me to "shut up I only swore once, I was pissed off, shut your mouth, my missus will be back in a minute and you can take it up with her".

I suppose I should have been grateful that he recognised that fact I was a woman and decided to set his wife on me instead of himself.

DH says I shouldnt have said anything and just left. What would you have done?

OP posts:
PinkChick · 29/08/2008 09:41

id have thought same as you but unfortunatly we cant control what other people do or say and would have taken my dc away and said to them that what the man had done/said was wrong and he shouldnt have said it but sometimes adults ( not in his case!)say bad words..sadly not much you can do without being turned on yourself!

AbbaFan · 29/08/2008 09:42

Good for you - I would like to think I would do the same, but I am a bit of a wuss

What an idiot though saying you can take it up with my wife. WTF!!!!

AbbaFan · 29/08/2008 09:43

I am always having to remind my mum not to swear around the kids , it's so annoying.

PonderingThoughts · 29/08/2008 09:44

Agree with what PinkChick said!

I'd have taken my kids away too and explained about the "naughty" adults and what they should have done instead (keeping things upbeat with my kids to try and reduce their fear/upset).

Lazarou · 29/08/2008 09:45

I would have done what your dh did. YOu just can't predict how people will react.
People swear when they are angry, and are not usually open to reason once the red mist has descended.

solidgoldbrass · 29/08/2008 09:45

Actually, it's not the smartest thing in the world to get all officious with someone who's already angry (unless that person is actually threatening violence or indeed assaulting someone else in which case intervention is the most ethical thing to do). Your DC won't explode or die from overhearing a few expletives, and it does give you the opportunity to explain to them that it's not nice to swear etc but sometimes people do it.

PinkChick · 29/08/2008 09:46

i told my mum off last night for saying Sh8t whilst in car with dd, it was unnssesary, she broke her key ring!!??..shes not foul mouthed but really no need!..but then my mum wont punch me or get her friend to sort it out with me

Mumto2littleangels · 29/08/2008 09:46

Rude and no need to swear in the kidiies park but as pinkchickj said we can't control what other people say and, unfortunately, that is the norm for some people.

Oh and brave for saying something too.

There was a lady in our local park smoking but she had moved herself right away from everyone, but taken her newborn baby with her!!

Some people just make me

Lazarou · 29/08/2008 09:46

Or rather I would have done what your dh said

HonoriaGlossop · 29/08/2008 10:09

of course it was good to say something. We're all so SCARED nowadays. Obviously if the guy was roaring drunk or obviously under the influence you might not bother because there'd be no point and people in that condition ARE more volatile but people should just speak up. It is what our kids need to see us doing, instead of silently accepting whatever bad behaviour adults show. After all, we tackle kids quick enough if they behave badly.

Lauriefairycake · 29/08/2008 10:16

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

The swear word was already out his mouth and said in a flurry of anoyance - it doesn't sound like from the argument that he was going to continuously swear.

It's likely (and unfair obviously) that he thought you were agreeing with shouty woman by joining in.

WilyWombat · 29/08/2008 10:23

I dont know is it better if our children see us confronting other people or walking away from unnecessary confrontation? Which would you rather your children did?

I think you were very brave as it could have escalated.

Personally I would have just taken the children and said "he wasnt a very nice man was he - now you can see why you shouldnt use that word its not clever and just made him look silly"

Take it up with his wife like he was a naughty 5 year old. I can just see you saying to her "could you please tell your husband not to swear" suspect you may have got a few expletives from her too for your trouble.

HonoriaGlossop · 29/08/2008 10:29

well it depends what your view of unecessary is. And I don't recommend confrontation; I recommend stating assertively what your view is. I think that IS important for our children to see us doing otherwise how will they learn? Obviously it's always a judgement call in every situation; some you will walk away from, some you shouldn't IMO.

Original poster
Amethyst86 · 29/08/2008 10:59

I agree with HG. To be honest I was annoyed that my dc were scared and thats what made me say something otherwise I probably would have just walked away. I don't want my dc to feel unsafe when I am actually there and I could say something. I know it could have escalated and thats the problem isn't it? My kids would probably have felt even more unsafe seeing their mum being duffed up by a large lady wearing an arsenal shirt, it is hard to know the right thing to do.

By telling me to take it up with his wife it seems clear to me that violence was probably the next step for him but he didn't want to hit a woman, so passed the responsibility onto his wife. What an honourable chap.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 29/08/2008 11:01

I think it is great that your DC saw you have the gumption to say something.

If your kids were to swear, you'd have something to say to them. Why should a badly behaved adult get away with it!

wasabipeanut · 29/08/2008 11:08

It's impossible to know what to do. I know that if I'm angry someone ticking me off for swearing would probably make me go interstellar.

Having said that I don't swear in front of children and I do worry that we're all becoming a nation of people too scared to say boo to a goose and letting thugs take over.

I think on balance you did the right thing.

TheHedgeWitch · 29/08/2008 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KerryMum · 29/08/2008 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3andnomore · 29/08/2008 11:49

hm...challenging an annoyed person that is swearing....you are either very brave or very stupid daft....
I think I would have done what your dh said and leave quietly and immediately

Original poster
Amethyst86 · 29/08/2008 11:56

DH is actually a fine one to talk. At the same park he noticed two idiots clearly conducting a drug deal just outside the gate. In the whole of this big city they couldnt find somewhere else to do it, other than outside a park full of little kids. He went over and told them he had called the police and for them to f*ck off and conduct their "business" elsewhere. They went quickly but where do you draw the line? I see and hear stuff like this every day living where I do but I don't want my kids to feel scared and unsafe expecially when I am there with them to protect them.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 29/08/2008 12:01

but it would have been even more disturbing for your Kids if the bloke had then attacked you?
Not a risk worth taking when the Kids are there...but I am a coward...

misdee · 29/08/2008 12:05

have done something similar.

was outside the school, was a postal strike at the time. one (i assume)_ striking postman was verbally abusing a non-striking postman. i had had enough and yelled the the swearing one 'there are kids here y'know' he was outside a school, nursery and private daycare centre.

HonoriaGlossop · 29/08/2008 12:24

3andnomore, I just think the wider issue is as wasabipeanut put it there's a real danger of us "turning into a nation of people too scared to say boo to a goose and letting thugs take over"

We've all heard tales of people getting beaten for stepping in, and of course we don't want our kids to see anything nasty, but I think we all need to get some backbone and grow a pair!

3andnomore · 29/08/2008 13:16

well...like I said I am a coward and well the true Corby people are just a lot tougher than I ever will be, lol!
I mean they are, they can also be the most welcoming and helpful bunch...so, not all bad....I just wouldn't pick a fight with someone already agitated, sorry....
but that is just me....all about risk assesment...

crokky · 29/08/2008 13:25

Have only read OP, but think your DH is right. I would have left without comment.

The argument was not to do with you and swearing is not a crime (neither is shouting). Joining in the argument is just making a difficult situation more difficult IMO.

I understand you didn't want this sort of behaviour in front of your kids, but you are not the "behaviour police"!

Your kids have to live in this world and this sort of situation is part of it. Better to teach them not to make an angry stranger man angrier!!