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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To BLW my dd in restaurants without comments or disaproving looks?

152 replies

hughjarssss · 25/08/2008 14:31

I have always done a mixture of spoon feeding and BLW.
When me and dp go out with dd (10 months)to a restaurant, we make sure we order something she can eat as well.

Then we just put it on her highchair tray and let her get on with it.

So if we go to the local carvery, we give dd lots of different vegtables, yesterday we went to a Tapas restaurant and she tried a little bit of what we had (as long as it was suitable). She had fun and tried new and different flavours.

But other people seem to have a problem with feeding her like this, and along with the nasty looks I get, people also make snide comments like 'shouldn't she have a bowl', 'can't she eat from a spoon?'.

This makes me feel like a bad parent, so am I being unreasnable in feeding her like this?

OP posts:
bergentulip · 25/08/2008 15:08

I have decided Mnetters just go out into public looking for trouble, bristling for a fight, or a chance to defend themselves over something parenting-related, be it BFing, BLWing, SLINGing, 4yr-old-in-buggying etc etc.....

NOT talking specifically to you Hughjaarrrsssss, just a VERY general observation..... and not entirely serious one at that.

EelCod · 25/08/2008 15:13

those are all over this thread liek a passiev agreesiev rash

EelCod · 25/08/2008 15:13

i agree wiht bergen

Original poster
hughjarssss · 25/08/2008 15:21

I've asked for this thread to be deleted as I don't like the implications that are being made about me.

I honestly started thiks thread to find out if I was doing something wrong when feeding dd in public. DD is my first baby and I don't have much family I can refer to for advice so I was just using MN for some advice.

I have been called a liar and all sorts.
Some of the comments have been quite nasty and unfair.

OP posts:
OneBoyOneGirl · 25/08/2008 15:27

Another instance when you should really not give a damn about what other people do/say or think

3andnomore · 25/08/2008 15:29

hugh...don't let people get to you....take their general "advice" and ignore them

Tbh, I can not understand why your thread had so many rude reply's...but have a theory , which I rather NOT say in this public place....

FWIW, you are not doing anyhting wrong, but you have to remember that we live in a soceity where spoonfeeding and pureeing first foods and weaning at the age of 4 month (or even younger in some cases) is still seen as the norm and "late" weaning and Babyledweaning is seen as lentilweavery by many. So, those that are rude enough to comment and sneer, well, you can assume automatically that they ignorant and clueless (and you have to remember that unless they have had Babies over the past few years, well, they just would not know about all those "new" things....so, can't even blame their ignorance).

However, is it possible that some of the sneers and looks you may just imagine, because, due to negative experience you may expect them? I mean, we all can get a tad paranoid at times...pretty sure it happens to most of us.

Oh, is your dd very messy when eating, chucking things around, etc.......people may not appreciate it all that much if they go out into a restaurant....

christywhisty · 25/08/2008 15:32

I think the problem is the silly smug posts you get from BLWeaners ie my baby ate steak at 18 months as if no other baby had ever eaten steak before (real post)

We always used to ask the waiter for an extra plate and give them bits off our plate and dc's are 10 and 12 now and I think that has always been the norm.

Habbibu · 25/08/2008 15:33

You can get smug posts from people who've done pretty much anything, christy - why is one post about one baby eating steak (lucky child) "the problem"?

TeacherSaysSo · 25/08/2008 15:36

hughjarss I think the jibes have been made because it is slightly pompous to make out you are bringing up your baby in SUCH a different way to everyone else, so UNIQUE and dare I say it...better - that it has to have its own acronym, that you didn't even bother to define even, but just wait for others to show their ignorance and ask you, so you could gleefully show how DIFFERENT you are from all other mums.

Afterall BLW sounds like 'giving your child finger food'. Which is what we all do isn't it? so I don't even get why anyone would give you looks or say anything...unless its cos you don't use a bowl which IS actually weird as it just makes a yukky mess for everyone to have to look at while they are eating.

That's how it reads to me, but hey I doubt you'll take my advice anyway as I am a conventional type of mum who can't be doing with faddy parenting

Original poster
hughjarssss · 25/08/2008 15:37

Thanks 3andnomore
I think I can take a guess at your theory.

DD isn't messy, she drops things on the floor but that doesn't affect no one except us, she doesn't throw food around.

I thought it was just me, untill dp noticed as well. And we are certaintly not imagining the comments.

I think you're right though with everything you say in you're post.

I will learn to ignore and try to remember that, although its my first baby, I am not doing anything wrong.

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 25/08/2008 15:38

TeacherSaySo - well put,agree with you - I hadn't a clue that something most folk do at some point had an special acronym..it is a bit showoffy I suppose

3andnomore · 25/08/2008 15:38

How is not using a bowl so bad...surely OP explained that they don't use a bowl because Baby tends to throw Bowl down....which then might create worse a mess...

Saying that OP, have you tried those suction cup bowls...they worked with my Lil ones really well! If it works, then just take one of those with you!

GylesBandwidth · 25/08/2008 15:39

Everyone said that those who comment about this sort of thing in public are odd and rude.

AIBU threads will usually attract quite forthright and robust replies.

LadyMuck · 25/08/2008 15:41

Are the comments being made by staff or by other guests? Because I really can't see that you are doing anything which wouldn't be done by the average parent (who may have never heard of blw). Admittedly you may not have been letting your baby gnaw on a Gregg's sausage roll, but unless he/she was indulging in jalapeno peppers or something I really can't see what there is to comment on.

Were there other children in the restaurant? If so, what were they doing? Carvery food is ideal for kids ime so they're usually full of families.

wotulookinat · 25/08/2008 15:41

When we go out to eat, DS (22m) goes in a high chair. We put his food on the tray, minus the plate as it would no doubt get dropped or thrown. No-one has ever said anything and I have never noticed any funny looks. Are you sure you're not just being a bit paranoid?

TeacherSaysSo · 25/08/2008 15:41

3and I have to disagree actually babies only throw their bowls a few times (if that). Its not compulsory, and you teach them NOT to.. simple.

GylesBandwidth · 25/08/2008 15:41

Soooo many things for parents to beat each other with big sticks over.

Feed your child however you like.

We all want the best for our children.

Very few will get to the age of 18 and still be on purees, I imagine.

bergentulip · 25/08/2008 15:43

Sorry you feel people have attacked you directly. I don't think they have though.

And I hope when you say you feel like you have been called a liar, you did not mean me when I asked where on earth people live that come across nastiness in public.... as I was certainly not trying to imply that! - My comments have merely been lighthearted(supposed to be anyway!) honest to goodness wonderment at the number of people who come across nasty members of the public.... it's a shame you feel like you've come across this. I must swan through life in a bubble ignoring everyone I think.(!)

In all seriousness, just ignore nastiness, you are doing all the right things, you should know that really, of course letting a baby feed themselves is exactly what needs to be done to get a bit of peace and quiet and eat your dinner. Screw anyone else who says different.

3andnomore · 25/08/2008 15:43

forthrisght and robust...is that another way to discribe very rude replies than?
I mean, I can not see just why some posters have be so rude most of the time in many of their replies....it is not forthright and robust....IT'S RUDE and often uncalled for, imo...
I suppose those that use that method just love to put others down...says a lot about those people....I think!

Habbibu · 25/08/2008 15:44

ARG! It's NOT showoffy - it's just fucking shorthand for not giving your baby purees, not counting how much they eat in terms of number of "cubes", not persuading to eat, not cajoling. It's not just about giving finger food. And children end up eating much the same anyway so who gives a toss? Seriously - BLW is a wanky name but a useful shorthand. Most people do spoon-feed their children, most babies aren't exclusively self-feeding at 6 months. So not everyone does it and it doesn't fucking matter that they don't. It's just another option for people who like the sound of it. That's all. But it's a bit long to put like that so it's shortened to an acronym, and somehow that acronym enrages people as it somehow comes across as a slur on their parenting skills. Fuck knows why.

Original poster
hughjarssss · 25/08/2008 15:44

They don't work for us, 3andnomore, I have tried them and they last about 5 minutes! She doesn't just throw the bowl down she launches it across the other side of the room, which would cause offence!

I don't mind robust replies, I object to being called a liar and other personal attacks.

I am not showing off. I have already said I ma no advocate for BLW (I use bloody AK recipes at home FFS).
I have stated later in this thread thats its not BLW I do.

And I think Teahersaysso proves people think the way I feed dd is weird. She has proven my point.

OP posts:
TheDuchessOfSmokedNotJellied · 25/08/2008 15:47

humphrey - you are not alone, I was also in the vanguard of BSFOAPALTEIT along with the splinter group, GTAWATEITCTKTB, (give them a whole apple to eat in the car to keep them busy).

[gurn][grimace]

hugh - I think a succinct "And how is it your business?" would deal with these odd people who intrude into your lunch.

bergentulip · 25/08/2008 15:48

Seriously, who called you a liar? I missed that one.

Original poster
hughjarssss · 25/08/2008 15:49

"i dont belive oyu tbht hta peopel come and query it "

Implies that I am lying

OP posts:
3andnomore · 25/08/2008 15:49

The Fish did (I think)