to just not want to go to this party and how do I decline?

[troubledfriend]

Quite a good friend from a while back - don't see her much these days.Really great girl.

Gets married in Barbados next month and having a party in the village hall on their return.

I don't want to go.

Should I feel obliged to go?

SHould I make an excuse not to go?
I would hate to hurt her feelings if she discovered I just did not want to go.

I know all about feeling low and wanting to get out of things that sound vile

but once you start it's a slippery slope towards not going anywhere at all and having nothing to look forward to

go

it might be nice

and if not you can pretend you feel sick and slope off early

Fancy dress in the village hall . You definitely ANBU about not wanting to go. Sounds vile and best stayed away from. Invent a prior engagement.

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what's wrong with a village hall?

it's just a venue for hire

they always smell funny

Oh, no, I was invited to a wedding do where you were meant to dress up medieval style. All the hire costumes were about £50, fgs.

I said we couldn't get a babysitter.

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Village halls are normally ugly, uncomfortable, ill-lit places badly suited to decent catering.

If the OP's village hall is a luxurious place of notable architecture and decoration, with free-flowing champage and River Café food, I retract what I said

I think you should go. I've been there where feeling low meant I opted out of all sorts of things.

She is quite a good friend and fancy dress is usually great fun once you get there. Saints and sinners is also fairly easy as it goes.

It depends a lot on whether it is a friendship that you want to keep going. If it is then I should go, you may enjoy it once you make the effort. However if you think it will die a natural death and you aren't bothered then I should follow your instincts and stay at home.

yes Anna but we don't all live in Florence

if we only went out to architecturally pleasing places we would spend a lot of time in front of the TV

I would DEF not want to go either. YANBU. Why should anyone feel obliged to go to any sort of party just because you have been invited?

it's the combination of fusty old hall and fancy dress that is irksome

Going out for the sake of it (if you don't like what's on offer) is awful.

Do you really have no mutual friends? If not then I would just decline and say you feel too self-conscious to go to a fancy dress party when there won't be anyone there that you know. Any nice person would understand that.

It's not for the sake of it though - it's for the sake of her - the friend.

I would only go to a party in a dreadful venue if I really adored the friend. I went to a christening last year that was dreadful in every respect - but it was my best friend's baby, so heh ho.

'yes Anna but we don't all live in Florence

if we only went out to architecturally pleasing places we would spend a lot of time in front of the TV '

LOL LOL

I don't think I'd want to go if I didn't know anyone else and it was this type of fancy dress - I agree with you that life is too short to feel obliged to do things like this so I'd make up that I was away for teh weekend.

I would not say you can go and then bow out last minute - tis annoying for host and you will fret about it till then too

Well, quite. I was at a pretty ghastly dinner yesterday, but it was organised by someone I like very much for someone I love, so you make the best of it.

Anna the parties you attend must be rather dull if you are sitting there musing on the architectural merits of the venue...

On the contrary we go to lots of rather fab parties - and one of the reasons is that they are in fab venues .

If she's a really good friend, why aren't you just honest with her? Just write to her (if you can't do it in person) and explain your current situation.

Then wish her well and send some flowers.

Can't abide people who say they will go to something and then drop out at the last minute. And as for made-up excuses, it's just childish.

Personally I would go - not in fancy dress - on the basis that I'm going to see a good friend and her new husband, to wish them well. No reason to stay longer than half an hour/an hour, and then leave. Who knows? You may even enjoy it when you get there.

This isn't about you, it's about your friend and a hugely important thing that's happening in her life.

The friend will never know the excuse is made up so what's teh problem?

Why make something up? What's wrong with the truth?