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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say to a friend who claimed she was unable to breast feed because of her previous 'breast augmentation' op (without any sense of irony) that...

69 replies

May2December · 20/08/2008 21:27

this is the equivalent of a man having his penis enlarged but no longer able to get an erection or ejaculate! I have nothing against women not breast feeding or having breast enhancing surgery but if this prevents a woman from breastfeeding(which I do not believe for one minute- it would be tantamount to mutilation) then for pure vanity you are rendering your breasts useless for their original purpose to make them 'look' more appealing!

OP posts:

pamelat · 21/08/2008 10:09

Reading the title of this post I expected to find lots of "overly" pro breast feeding comments about how selfish this woman was, how irresponsible etc and I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised.

I b/f but only for 4 months and often felt like a "failure" for this on m/net.

When I was 18/19 I considered a boob job (am only an A cup and wanted to be a B !). I asked the consultant whether it would affect breastfeeding (even though I had no plans for children) and they told me "definitely not". Maybe 10 years ago this was belief. Your friend may have been told the same thing. I didnt have the op and now that I am older (30) I am glad that I stayed the way nature intended, but in my teens (largely due to an idiot boyf) I felt a lot of pressure about my appearance).

Your friend may not have been aware, the surgery could have gone wrong (?) or maybe she never wanted to breast feed anyway?

Shitehawk · 21/08/2008 10:19

Did you really say that to her? In which case you have some serious apologising to do.

And as for always speaking your mind ... a little tact goes a long way. Always speaking your mind can be devastating if you chose the wrong person or the wrong time to speak it.

Speaking your mind is all very well, and often admirable, but you need to be mature enough to read a situation and know when to rein it in. It was an unnecessarily cruel thing to say to your friend and to be honest if someone said something like that to me, I would be re-evaluating the friendship.

You support your friends; you don't get on your high horse and slag them off for the decisions they have made - even if you don't agree with them.

IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 21/08/2008 10:20

I was BFing my new son when I met a good friend for lunch. She told me how she wished she could've BF'd her DS2 (she BF DS1 for a while) but as she had had breast implants she couldn't.

I just said, 'Oh, that's a shame'.

I could've said 'Are you sure? Sometimes you can BF you know?' and lost my friend, but I'm glad I didn't.

YABU.

IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 21/08/2008 10:21

Oh, btw, she did actually go on to explain why she couldn't feed, and it was to do with the size of her breast, and the shape of her nipple after his birth, so because of the op, but in a roundabout way.

BlingLovin · 21/08/2008 10:30

If you have such an issue with vanity, I really hope you don't shave your legs, dye your hair or wear make up. I know it's not entirely the same, but believe me, the opportunity to make yourself feel better is worth the surgery. Your friend probably needs support - she had something done for herself, and now 10 years later this might be having an impact on her baby and she probably isn't entirely comfortable with that. They told me I might not be able to bf after my reduction and it was a risk I was willing to take, but now, as I get ready to start trying for babies, while I don't regret the decision for myself at all, I'm already feeling a bit sad that I might not be able to have the choice of bf. And hopping that my (fabulous) surgeon did such a good job it won't' be a problem. DP respects the decision I made but as I made it before he came along, he wasn't part of it so he's also impacted in that his children might not get bf. It's not the end of the world, but it is a difficult one when you realise when you're actually having children what you committed to.

BlingLovin · 21/08/2008 10:31

hoping my surgeon was as good as I think he was obviously

Uranus · 21/08/2008 10:40

Er....why can't she breastfeed after her enlargement? I know plenty of people that have.

Aitch · 21/08/2008 10:50

pamelat, tbh i think this is absolutely a fair reflection of the MN view on bfing etc. what i do think, however (having been there) is that if you have any feelings of disquiet over bfing for less time than you might have wanted or whatever, then it's all too easy to ignore the majority view and fixate on the maybe one or two (tops) posters who tend to the dogmatic. at least that's what i did...

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2008 10:53

"By combustiblelemon on Wed 20-Aug-08 21:40:44
Maybe she was worried that if she told you that she didn't want to BF you might be a lttle judgemental... "

wonder where she'd have got that impression from??

HappypillsGalore, surely they wouldn't let her have breast surgery while pregnant?!!

kitsmummy · 21/08/2008 11:00

Well I had a breast reduction age 23 and can't breastfeed because of it. But at least people don't call me names now, talk to my chest, make open jokes about it and make me feel completely self conscious the whole time. Gosh, I'm even ok with going in the swimming pool now and wearing normal clothes like everyone else, instead of baggy tent tops. Shame on me though for being selfish and having cosmetic surgery for pure vanity. I used to think that my baby was probably happier for having a happy, self confident mum, but i'm obviously wrong and a complete cow.... People don't always have cosmetic surgery to make themselves look like Jordan you know.

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2008 11:01

kitsmummy - this is not a thread your blood pressure will thank you for reading! At least the OP has been told she IBU

BlingLovin · 21/08/2008 11:03

Well Kits, I would have thought you should appreciate the cat calls and leery behaviour? Obviously. You should have just said to those men, "these mammary glands are big, bad, baby feeding machines so you look as much as you like."

Obviously that's what I should have done too.

kitsmummy · 21/08/2008 11:06

Yes, I will calm down now and breath slowly again. Hopefully the irritation factor of this thread won't bring on my labour just yet. But heh ho, if it does, I have the formula and bottles ready and waiting

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2008 11:11

oooh MN induced labour How far along are you?

kitsmummy · 21/08/2008 11:13

37 weeks, not long left!

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2008 11:17

lisad123 · 21/08/2008 11:17

my 2 friends had their boobs done (lucky girls) and they both bfed

Neeerly3 · 21/08/2008 11:20

May2 maybe she decided not to breast feed for her own reasons, but knew you would be up in arms and "oh how selfish of you" if she told you, so she made up a medical reason to make it sound more plausible....however u still weren't sympathetic so she gained nothing....poor woman....how about a "oh thats a shame you can't breast feed, but hey whatever is best for you and baby" response next time - surely you remember how nerve wracking early motherhood was, try a little empathy...

ReallyTired · 21/08/2008 14:52

I know someone who had a breast reduction becuase of awful back pain. Afterwards she was so much happier and fitter. I think it was a good use of NHS money.

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