to want to participate in an internet forum where people dont spend inordinate amounts of time slagging each other off...?

[farrowandball]

for some things, mumsnet is invaluable. i have received good advice, laughed out loud, read posts which have made me reflect on my own life.

but - i cant help but feel a tad repulsed by the levels of strident abuse of late.

surely its possible to acknowledge there are different ways of living/raising children and that is a good thing? within the bounds of genuinely abusive behaviour (and i dont mean using a buggy or the occasional sweet or whatever) how can anyone really be so sure that they are right, that they feel empowered to belittle and criticise others? surely its possible to contribute to discussions without getting abusive?

I cant help but feel that no-one gets it completely right. and that the point of an arena like this is to support and share.

it makes me really sad. that's all i wanted to say.

FarrowAndBall - MN may not always be nice, and sometimes there's a lot of bitchiness in evidence, but it's also the place where I've seen the most genuine help for people when they need it. But it's not a style of forum which suits everyone, so you have to decide for yourself whether the good bits (genuine support, extreme silliness, etc) outweigh the niggles. I believe there are other forums where people are much "nicer" to each other, if that's something which is important to you. Personally I thrive on (some of) the heated debates on here, and ignore a lot of the bits which just seem pointless bickering.

You'll often find me arguing over early weaning or promotion of formula milk, because it's something I'm passionate about and when you're unsuccessfully trying to explain to someone well thought out proven arguments and they just won't listen it can get frustrating.

Also, what you need to remember is often threads kick off because of mis-placed guilt and people reading things that aren't there.

People who FF wishing they had BF/people who BF wishing they had FF, people who work wishing they didn't/people who don't work wishing they did, people who think SWMNBN is a Goddess/people who want to fire her to Lebanon.....

These people read a thread, see a post, take it as a dig, get pissed off etc It happens to the best of us. It's rare however that a thread is started in a nasty way and when it is it's often jumped on, so I think YABU.

Yes, I must say the level of support I've seen offered to people on here has often been quite astounding - people do go above and beyond for strangers in times of need, and that is very impressive. Personally I like MN because it seems so much more genuine, harsh words, cross purposes and all. I'm much more at home here than on the other parenting forum I used to frequent (which shall remain nameless), where everyone was sooooo nicey nicey and it was all huns and hugs but where I felt you couldn't post what you really thought without meeting disapproval. I also saw more bitchy behaviour there, among the superficial niceness, than I have seen here.

But each to their own. Like someone said, there's a whole world of internetz out there

Life is too short to worry about threads of 500+ posts arguing round in circles. I reckin I wouldn't engage with many of these people in RL so have no problems skating merrily over them on MN .

The trick is to know when to switch off and leave.

Mn just 'is' it rumbles on this way regardless and always has. There's no 'of late' here because it's always a big bubbling pot of good and not so good simmering away.

The thing that changes are our own feelings. Either you have the ability to shrug all that off, or to be too sensitive to it, and that can alter depending on what sort of day you're having.

You have to learn to use the place to your advantage or sometimes it will bite you.

why do you think coming on here saying 'you're all wrong in what you think and you're bitchy to boot, I pity you' is a nice thing to say nad get pleasant responses.

So people on here can be nice sometimes. Well that obviously completely overrides what you said before

We should obviously bow down before you, admit we were stupid and you were completely right and henceforth change our ways to what ever you decide is appropriate.

But heaven forfend you get annoyed with the OP (and I mean it in a generic 'op' of these kind of threads) for slagging off the site and posters you like cos y'know that's just rude.

And there'll be another thread like this, ooh, in a week or so.

'scuse me for being cynical and not swayed by your attack insults point of view.

If you cannot take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Frank and direct is a style I prefer. Some opinions need to be expressed strongly. I don't need pussyfooting. I have enough of that in RL.

see, i think frank and direct is fine, but to be fair to the OP bitchy is something different. it's not something i see that often, though. a bit of good-natured joshing, some righteous irritation etc, love that, but i don't think of it as bitchy.

i'm inclined to think that when things get out of hand it's because as Twiglett suggests, the posters are angrier than they are clever, iykwim? it just happens so rarely that i hardly think it characterises these boards. and the fact that some people think they're getting it right all the time... well, i don't see that either tbh. if i felt less self-confident then maybe i would... maybe that's something for the OP to look at?

I'm on mumsnet far too much during the day and don't often see real abuse or bitchiness. If I do, then I report it, but I rarely see it. Maybe it happens more in the evenings?

Most posters are intelligent enough to argur their points without resorting to abuse.

i avoided this thread because i knew aitch and custy would come along and put it far better than i could.

i avoided this thread because i knew aitch and custy would come along and put it far better than i could.

I do find mumsnet incredibly agressive but I have to say that it has grown on me and I quite like that I feel (that in retaliation most of the time!) I can also be a bit of a cow - as would never be like this in the rest of my life.
I am never controversial or nasty to anyone, this must be good for me?!

Depends which forum.

AIBU, can get quite aggressive. If you are asking for help with B/fing because you have a specific problem, then it's great advice. Employment is fab.

But the feathers really fly in 'what's for dinner?

I agree with F&B. I've seen a fair few threads recently that just get nasty. The threads where there is proper conversation and debate are excellent - you get to see other peoples view points and sometimes even learn a thing or two.

But the times when people just leap in and start slagging each other off are a bit nasty. I don't actually give them much time because I don't like them, but I do wonder how helpful it is to the op to be slated for an opinion.

Can someone point me in the direction of some recent slagging off or nastiness? I must have been reading the wrong threads because I can't recall seeing any.

Humph - be careful out there mate....take some pebbles so you can find your way back. . .
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This way home

There are things I read on some threads which make me spit warty toads, which LITERALLY cause a rise in my blood pressure. However, I love Mumsnet just as it is, cos you also often get remarkable wit and intelligence as well as fantastic support (and occasional hectoring abuse, yeah, but free speech, man...and at the end of the day, if someone's going off on one, they are but random strangers and you have to be able to wave your hand and think "Yeah...whatever, love.."

wumphrey? like it.

altho' for some reason your name now reminds me of oprah winfrey when she was a big lass.

I also occasionally lurk on another parenting forum. Some woman has just posted there asking about her problems with her in-laws. It is plain as the light of day that they are perfectly reasonable people and she is the deluded stuck-up one who can't see that her PFB is actually an out-of-control monster. Did anyone do everyone in that family a favour and tell her that? No, she got an avalanche of "you poor thing, hun" and "in-laws are evil". I suggested (gently) an alternative point of view and got rounded on for being unsupportive. So, on balance, I quite like the robust nature of the responses here. Some people don't need to be told what they want to hear, they need a good metaphorical slap round the chops.

and that's the problem - there should be a 'don't care what anyone else thinks; just want people to agree' catagory....

Bitchy yes I see that on MN but narky....