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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that people who don't approve of parents who put their children in childcare should not work in a nursery..

140 replies

AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 09:22

where parents are putting their kids into their care whilst they work. Are they not enabling the very system of which they so disapprove?

AS far as I know there is no scientific evidence that suggest parrent who work love their children less than parents who don't.

OP posts:
squiffy · 18/08/2008 13:17

It's all this time on my hands I've got because I'm not looking after my kids. Stresses me out too much. Pass me a chilled chablis quick.

Original poster
AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 13:20

Here, have two.
^^

OP posts:
roseability · 18/08/2008 13:37

GreenMonkies - I notice that you seem to have followed the attachment parenting method for your children e.g. extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing etc

I have a DS aged 2.4 and am ttc number 2. I would really love to parent my next in this way. I had PND with DS and although I didn't leave him to cry and I did BF, I spent a lot of time trying to get him to sleep in his own cot and was too preoccupied with routine. He has turned into a happy little boy but I found it tough.

I have read the Continuum Concept and it really changed my outlook. Sorry if I am changing the subject but I haven't found a parent who has done this who can tell me how it has been.

How does it work with modern living?
Do other people support you?
Did you eldest go into her own bed of her own accord?
Did you bond quicker with them?

I have so many questions and really hope you don't mind me asking!

Original poster
AtheneNoctua · 18/08/2008 13:55

So, how prevalent is this attitude in childcare. A few posts have indicate that this is how a lot of nursery workers feel about working parents. I've never used a nursery, but these threads have certainly not made think good things about them.

(just trying to steer the thread back on track here)

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 18/08/2008 14:27

(roseability, come and talk to me on here, I am Gloria, we can chat privately if you'd like.)

lazyhen · 18/08/2008 18:19

I find it sad/strange that a nursery nurse can spend all their working life in a profession that they disapprove of. The OP in the other thread wasn't a parent so I'm not even sure why she's on mumsnet , but why do something day in day out that you don't agree with?

(although let's face it - the silly b*tch can't even spell 'receptionist')

My DD goes to nursery 2 days per week and I'm confident that the staff there are doing a great job. I would be mortified if I found out that they were on a parenting website gobbing off about the people who pay their wages!

Quattrocento · 18/08/2008 18:20

Yes but the OP was a troll.

TheHedgeWitch · 18/08/2008 18:29

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TheHedgeWitch · 18/08/2008 18:32

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squiffy · 18/08/2008 18:49

Hey, quattro - there's a japanese tea ceremony on 29th - check out the meet-up threads, called city gals or something similar..

HappyMummyOfOne · 18/08/2008 18:59

I agree re the OP, I've also seen posts where chidlminders choose their profession so that they didnt have to choose childcare as they didnt approve of it!!

I dont think anybody who works in childcare should comment on the hours that parents choose to use childcare for - after all thats what pays their wages. Fair enough to think it but not to actually say it or declare it to other people.

lazyhen · 18/08/2008 19:17

That's good to hear Hedgewitch. It's nice to hear a positive side to people choosing childcare as a profession rather than supporting the more negative preconception (that some people hold) that it's teenagers with few qualifications etc.

I like to believe that my for the 16 hours my DD is in nursery that she is the staff's favourite baby and that they all take it in turns to cuddle her

TheHedgeWitch · 18/08/2008 19:33

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nkf · 18/08/2008 19:35

She was a troll.

Quattrocento · 19/08/2008 20:05

Squiffy - just picked up your post - will check city gals - thanks lots Qx

mylovelymonster · 19/08/2008 20:08

yanbu

OrmIrian · 19/08/2008 20:10

YANBU.

I think I'd find another job tbh.

tori32 · 19/08/2008 20:27

Who suggested they love their children less?
YABU because everyone has some aspect of their job they tolerate and don't like. Just because nursery workers love the children doesn't mean they have to approve of children being left for 12 hrs per day. I CM and enjoy my job, however, I also see how upsetting and tiring it can be for children being left for long hours and have been a parent who had to do it when I went back to work after dd1 for a few months.

OrmIrian · 19/08/2008 20:30

You have to have a relationship with the parents too surely? I honestly don't think I could if I was thinking how appalling it was that were leaving their children with you.

My CM was endlessly understanding of me, of my worries and my reluctance sometimes to leave my children. I couldn't have born it if I thought she was secretly disapproving of me

TheHedgeWitch · 19/08/2008 22:33

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MrsSchadenfreude · 19/08/2008 23:08

AN - some childminders too think this, I think. But they (and those nursery workers who subscribe to this POV) must be faaaarkin thick - if we didn't use nurseries and childminders, but stayed at home going slowly mad baking cakes and making lovely things from cereal packets with the little dears, they would be out of a job, no?

I am out of the house 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. We have a great relationship.

tori32 · 20/08/2008 21:16

I don't disapprove of parents working at all and I agree that without parents I would myself have to go back to nursing and wouldn't see my dds much at all if I worked F/t. However, I do have to question why parents who work ridiculously long hours chose to have children and then put them in childcare all the time iyswim. I know for lots of people it is necessity and they live on the breadline, however, for me personally, if I lived in a 5 bed house with a huge mortgage and had to work 70hrs per week to pay bills, I would downside to a 3 bed and have a smaller mortgage to enable me not to have to work and be able to bring my children up. Nobody can substitute a mother or father in bringing up a child and inevitably children will aquire habits which are learned from the setting, not from family because parents literally pick up and put to bed or the young child has to stay up later to accommodate the parents desire to see them, get up early and are tired lots of the time. This is long hours only, not where children are in CC for normal full time hours 40ish per week iyswim.

tori32 · 20/08/2008 21:23

PS I did have a fantastic relationship with most of my parents, the only one I didn't was not because of their working hours but because the mother chose to ram her pay down my throat and boast about what she had bought for her dd (only child). This was also a mother who when asked in general conversation if she had been somewhere where I took her dd on outing always said 'no' All the money in the world can't buy time or fun which in MHO is what children need above designer outfits and nice possesions. . These where the same parents who never collected early to spend extra time with the child and took loads of annual leave but still paid for the child to be in CC. I just think that is

lupo · 20/08/2008 21:31

I am not a troll, i work in a nursery part time and my child comes and stays with me. I think that babies and young toddlers should not be doing a 8-6pm in nursery everyday, it is way too much. I know circumstances dictate etc etc, but it breaks my heart to see these youngsters who are upset or crying for their mums or being dropped in when they are sick.

I work there and else where part time at the evenings and weekends,as i want to be there for my child, some parents hardly see their little ones and its only a few years before they are off to school.

Children due benefit from social interaction etc from pre school age, before that is way to young.

Yes you can call me a hypocrite because i work there, but it is a way to earn money without leaving my child, if that makes me a hypocrite then so be it.. i am not the one sticking my child in care day after day.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 20/08/2008 21:33

lupo, walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you judge, please