To be dead jealous of mums who have their mums helping them?

[chelsygirl]

I know I an unreasinable but I'm so tired and worn out I can't help it

I just want my mumto be able to pop over, help with the kids just occassionally, go for coffee with her, chat about day to day things without having to shout/explain/repeat everything

Its the help I'm desperate for, during the school hols if I had a penny for everyone who's said to me "oh my mums taking the kids" I'd be loaded.

I absolutlely love my mum, she's 81 and I look after her now. I'd just love someone to be helping me out one day, even for 2 minutes.
sorry for the moan

[chelsygirl]

mum always says oh don't worry about me, but I do, all the time (gold medal here too!)

she doesn't realise the help she needs, as I do so much she thinks she doesn't need looking after at all......

[chelsygirl]

also mum won't go to an old peoples outing or day care centre as she says they're full of old people

[seb1]

Mum stays in a big old house, won't move, so this year I have been decorating and grass cutting plus she hasn't been well so I have been shopping etc.

[chelsygirl]

yes, more and more of it falls to you, sometimes mum'll say "leave it I'll do it", I can't help helping her IYSWIM, being a mum never ends whether they are 5 or 81...

[seb1]

Also while I shop online and have said give me your list I'll order yours, she likes to go herself. Can I get her to see she could order tins etc online once a month and pick out and carry fresh stuff.

[wheredohairbandsgo]

YANBU. So many people take their mum's help for granted. My mum got a full time job ten years ago and never helps with my dd, unless it's an absolute dire emergency. ( and even then at a push)
I see it as her loss though. She has a granddaughter she barely knows.
And she makes me even more determined to be a very hands-on granny when I am one!

[seb1]

I also find it sad because I am aware of her slowing down and getting old and I know it will only get worse IYKWIM.

[ruty]

i feel the same chelsygirl. My mum died last year after a long illness, and sometimes i feel so jealous of other mums when i see them in the park with their mums, looking after the children. My mum missed out too, on never getting the chance to be with my children. No point to the jealousy, but still can't h elp feeling it.

[rebelmum1]

eee I don't half relate, my inlaws see my dd once or twice a year while passing through and don't have any real interest and my folks moved to France, dad had heart attack and mum has dementia so I have sod all help either. It's really taken it's toll on us as my dd was critically ill and I had to take 6 months off work, as I had no one that could help to even just collect her from nursery early to give her a shorter day. I think it's because families are so disparate these days and we are having kids much older so our parents just aren't able to help if they are willing. Plus most of us need to work so increases the pressure on us to complete a never ending list of tasks. I am sad when I hear other grandparents doting on their grandchildren and actively involved in their upbringing. I had a very close bond with my nana even though she was very much older, she was always active and I used to stay with her in the summer holidays!

[mamadiva]

YANBU I moved from Glasgow to the Highlands when I found out I was pregnant but my mum lives here.

She is 38 and has 2YO twins so can't look after my 2YO DS much and I wish she could just take him one night a month but he won't sleep through the night and it is too much for her.

[rebelmum1]

Other cultures are so different the family is key in bringing up children and the parents are not just left isolated. There are the remains of close knit families in our culture I am so envious of those too. I don't even see my brother and his kids even though they live an hour away because they are 'too busy'.

[rebelmum1]

I'm going be close to my dd when she grows up, and not bugger off and please myself as soon as she hits twenty .

[rebelmum1]

We could do with a network of parents locally who have no family to speak of to help bolster support at difficult times.

[chelsygirl]

yes, I've often thought, if I could open a business I would do something like childcare to help families who have no support around them, not childcare for just those who could afford it, and I'd love to make it free!

[chelsygirl]

yes, I've often thought, if I could open a business I would do something like childcare to help families who have no support around them, not childcare for just those who could afford it, and I'd love to make it free!

[Mercy]

mamadiva, somehow I can see why your mum can't look after your ds.

[sweetkitty]

I feel the exact same way, my Mum is in her early 50s though and has seen her grandchildren twice this year even though she lives an hour away and doesn't work. She is too lazy to get on a train and even when she does visit she sits on the sofa watching them play and expecting tea and lunch. She has never offered to do a nappy, babysit or anything even when she knew I had really bad SPD and 2 toddlers to look after.

Yes I feel bad when I hear of friends mums popping round and taking their DC to the park for an hour I would love that and I feel that the DDs won't have a relationship with their GPs.

MIL not much better she does visit about once a month but not hands on.

DP and I would really beenfit from a few hours out on our own as well.

[cheesesarnie]

chelsygirl nbu at all

[Fizzylemonade]

My mum comes over to see me once a week, she lives an hour away, she helps out, takes ds1 to school, looks after ds2 whilst I get on and do stuff.

She lets herself in and if she makes it to my house before I get back from the school run she has made herself a coffee and has started folding the washing I have left out

She babysits on the day she comes over and also comes over on a weekend if we ask her to and looks after my boys then.

We recently went to help out friends who had just had a baby and my Mum looked after my two whilst me and dh zoomed 3 hours down the motorway to help our friends out because they have no help from their parents.

YANBU my Mum has only been able to help us for the last year, before that I was (and still am) a sahm doing it all on my own with no help and previous to ds1 starting preschool no friends as we moved miles away from where we previously were.

[expatinscotland]

I'd LOVE to have my mum help out.

YANBU.

DH's parents are too infirm to look after the girls and they live 90 miles away - a long 90 miles, too.

And my folks are 5000 miles away.

It's our choice to live out here, but you're not unreasonable to wish you had more help.

But we literaly live for the two times of years my folks come across and give us a break.

We'll be heading across with all three kids once a year starting next year and even better my sister and her kids can't wait to look after the kids - and especially because her elder daughter will be 15 years old when we go and able to do some paid babysitting whilst we all go out!

Hurray!

[sweetkitty]

expat

[expatinscotland]

now i still think sweetkitty's mum takes the gold medal for Useless Grandparent, tbh.

she's lucky she has such a sweet kitty for a child, and not a heilan' coo like me .

[ruty]

Your mum is 38 mamadiva? [goes off to sob]

[ChairmumMiaow]

My mother would have my DS if I was talking to her. However I haven't spoken to her in about 7 years, and wouldn't trust her anywhere near my DS (she's never seen him) so while I know its my choice, I do sometimes wish for a mother figure to chat to.

MIL is pretty useless, although not entirely her fault. She's got epilepsi (recent thing) and I don't think she trusts her medication as she never really holds DS (she also had, and possibly still has a drink problem so I am very wary of her holding him, but DH does hand him over)

I'm very lucky though, as my SIL (soon to be divorced from my arsehole brother when they get through court) has been with me every step of the way (she was at the birth and has DS half a day a week when I go to work)

I can't understand what its like to have to care for your mum, but I can understand how it feels for your child not to have an active granny