Been married 9 years today>>>>>>>>DH has forgot

[windyweather]

Got up today as if it was another day. Sorted dd/ds out as usual.
Not given him card yet, its in the car stil un wrritten (may even take it back for a refund).
I am not going to say anthing at all, he usually pops into his brothers on Wed night and was going to text about 10pm and say Happy Anniversary.
He is rubbish at dates stuff like this but why should I remind him.
Don't know whether to be or

Windyweather, for your own sake probably more than anything else, you need to get over this kind of thing. It's silly, it's just a day - buying a card one day a year is not proof that he loves you or that he appreciates you. What he actually does on a day to day basis is what matters. Whilst I appreciate you're saying you don't mean to slag him off, you are in a way, and you're upsetting yourself in the process.
Sometimes a "dedicated" day is good as it's an excuse to do something nice, but if you then depend on him to remember and perform it takes the fun out of it. Be open with him, say you quite fancy a treat, whether you can pick, say, next Friday (or whatever) to celebrate your marriage. Or better still, just pack a picnic basket and take charge and do something nice.

And sorry if I sound mean, but I honesstly don't believe it would be to your benefit if everyone told you how right you are, because come this time next year you might be in a state again. For what it's worth, I am sorry that you felt upset. But if you could realise that this doesn't really matter, your life ahead will be simpler, and unnecessary "situations" with your dh can be avoided.

I don't think you really 'get' what passive aggressive means if you don't think you were being earlier by not hinting that it was your anniversary, and waiting to use it against him later.

Yes, if it means a lot to you, shame he did not remember, but fgs, if you don't hint a little then it can happen. You have not given him the opportunity to make it up to you. If you did, I am sure you'd feel so much better and not so miserable, all alone at home while he is out having fun.

I am married, we do not really celebrate things like anniversaries, or Valentine's, Mother's Day/Father's Days go unmarked by cards or flowers.
However, I get coffee in bed in the morning, lovely flowers for random things, he takes the kids out lots and lets me lie in the bath for a read and some peace and quiet, I also give him time on his own.... etc etc.... and we spend every evening eating a good homemade dinner at the table, talking to each other and having a relationship!!

Now, as far as I am concerned, that is what matters. Not all these games of one-upmanship and guilt tripping.

What I don't understand is why it is his responsibility to give you his card first? Are you just going to sulk until the end of the day. Your card remains in the car, unwritten. So what does that say about you?

Is it because he is The Man? So he has to make the effort but you don't have to bother? Maybe he's annoyed that you haven't given him anything? Poor bloke!

It sounds to me like you were testing him, hoping he'd 'pass' your test by mentioning your anniversary first, giving you a card, thereby proving that he loves you.
What if he was doing the same thing? You'd have failed the test too wouldn't you, even though you know what day it is, you still didn't give him the card.
Why should he have to pass a silly test like this to make you happy. You should know that he loves you, he's your dh, and if you don't then that's a whole other kettle of fish.
I think you should call him and say Happy Anniversary and arrange to do something nice. Life is too short for silly games.

Wouldn't bother me as we don't do the whole anniversary thing anyway.
I think you are feeling unappreciated in general- talk to him