to get DP to go round to a bully's house, get his dad out and...

[Parentbeater]

A HORRIBLE boy is bullying my nephew. Making his life a misery. Dp is no thug but he's hard. Is it wrong for my DP to go round his house, make the boy get his dad and tell the boy infront of his dad:

'Everytime you hit my nephew, I'm going to come round here and hit your dad.'

I very much doubt the kid will hit my nephew again, so no need for adult violence overall..

...so how wrong is this.. on a scale of 1-10.

10 being absolutely disgraceful

1 being the best bloody solution you've ever heared and you think you're going to try it yourself lol

[edam]

Littlebella, I think your argument that 'most' bullies are acting that way because they are suffering in some manner is a rather sweeping statement. I don't know of any stats that say most bullies are actually victims of circumstance. Some children, like some adults, are unpleasant and act in an unpleasant manner, because they can.

FWIW, I saw a lot of bullying throughout my own schooldays, and was bullied myself. Only one of the bullies I came across was having a hard time at home, as far as I know. (And I did try to help her, as far as I could age 9.) Know lots of other people who were having a very hard time who didn't bully anyone else. I don't think there's a simple excuse for bullying.

[squilly]

No...and you don't know everything either Littlebella. You're being patronising and a bit of a verbal bully and that's totally uncalled for.

We're all entitled to our views and they're often based on our experiences. YOU don't have any gateway to truth either. Just your opinions, which you're entitled to. But don't think you can come over all superior with me.

You can't make blanket statements about people expressing rage at a child being unreasonable and expect people not to refute it.

I think perhaps I'll step away from this one as you clearly know all the answers and everyone else (or perhaps it's just me) is talking tosh.

I no longer participate in dialogue with people who won't listen to others. I had enough of that as a child. As an adult I know when to walk away. I don't have to accept bullying of any kind any more. So with that [flounce emoticon]

[Mamazon]

why is it the dad's fault that the boy hits your nephew?

if yoru nephew hits someone is it ok for the poor childs mother to comne round and give you a slap?

and speaking as someone who lost a very dear friend because he dared to ask for his son's football back..i really wouldn't advise it.

[LittleBella]

Oh gawd I am not arguing that there is a simple excuse for bullying. All I am arguing, is that raging at a child about doing it, is an inappropriate response from an adult. I really don't see why that is a controversial statement in a sane world.

It also doesn't address the institutional issues that facilitate the practice of bullying. Honing in on individual children, whether they are plain nasty or victims of abuse themselves, doesn't address the problem that schools and workplaces are organised in a way which appears to me to encourage bullying. None of which militates against expecting individual bullies to take responsiblity for their behaviour, make amends, etc.

Squilly btw I hope you don't think I'm in any way trivialising your experience of bullying, I know how emotional a subject it is and I know how damaging it is. A couple of years ago I phoned a radio show which dealt with the subject and even though the bullying I'd experienced had happened years previously, when I was talking to the researcher I broke down in tears half way through what I wanted to say and realised I wouldn't be able to go on the show. I hadn't realised how strongly affected I still was by it. So please don't think for a moment that I'm not listening to you or dismissing your arguments, I am just trying to argue a case which I feel is being slightly distorted by this absurd accusation that I am making excuses for bullying. I most emphatically am not, I just don't think this issue is black and white.

[LittleBella]

Oh well. Obviously cross-posted with you Squilly, I'm not quite sure what blanket statement about adults expressing rage against a child being something I find quite frightening, you are so offended by.

But by all means flounce if you choose. Good night. And sorry my arguments have pissed you off, your arguments have kind of pissed me off too because I perceived them as you attempting to take the moral high ground because you were bullied at school and therefore have some kind of special insight. That could also be described as verbal bullying, but I wouldn't dream of attributing such an unpleasant motive to an internet stranger. Just because I was bullied, doesn't mean I think everyone who disagrees with me is trying to bully me and I'm sorry you think I was trying to do that to you. I just thought I was arguing about an issue.

[Ivegotaheadache]

If a child of mine was being bullied (I know that rage believe me) my priority is to stop the bullying and protect my own child.
I'm sorry Little Bella but if a particular child is being a bully, then that child is going to answer for it.
If I couldn't get any joy from the school, then I would do whatever it took to make sure my child was safe, and if that means going to see the parents then so be it (obviously I'm not threatening violence or anything here!).

No, it may not address the institutional issues that facilitate the bullying but if my child were being bullied, then the institutiuonal issues will have to wait until I have protected my child from being bullied by that particular person.

[mayorquimby]

of course it's ok to want to do it, but to take any such action would just validate the other childs bullying by showing him that it is ok to use violence or threats to get what you want if you are bigger than someone else.

[JodieG1]

10

[kerryk]

its amazing what lengths you will be prepared to go to in order to protect your children.

my gran (tiny litle thing in her late 70's who would not hurt a fly) loves telling the tell of the school bully who made my mums life hell and would not let any other children play with her.

my gran went up to her in the playground one day and whispered in the girls ear that next time she tried to hurt my mum she would cut both her pigtails of, all the time she said this she was pocking the girl in the ribs in time with her tone of voice

[GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok]

I would be knocking at their door and explaining very quietly that this was their first and only warning-and what would happen if this were to continue.

[PartySock]

I think it's not at all UR to want to do it.
It's quite UR to actually do it.
But Understand the sentiment.

[JudgeRudy]

Absolutely unreasonable and probably actiionably/illegal.
I'm calling a sort of reverse on this one. You're husbands said he's going round and you've said no.
By the way, it wouldn't work!

[AngeloMysterioso]

Seriously? How did you even find this thread from 14 AND A HALF YEARS AGO

[JustForABitofFun]

So you teach kids that the way to stop bullying is by bullying?