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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to kick DP square in the nuts for being such a selfish twat!!!

62 replies

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 11:09

ARGH! I'm so sick of DP am actually considering telling him to piss off! We have been together 7 years and have a 2YO DS. DP is 23 and is such an immature seflish prat! I work part time only earning about £380 a month and DP works full time and only earns about £200 a week after tax. Working tax credits go into his bank and he refuses to buy bread or milk or anything with it as he's saving it up apparnetly, last night he refused to buy bread even though I have no money at all this week so will have to go without until later on. He saves the tax credits (for going to the footbakll with his mates) which I have only just found out he also takes £30 a week out of his wages before giving thme to me. Even though we are trying to pay off debts and I just can't afford for him to do it but whenever I say anything he just starts telling me to f*k off and shut the f*k up blah de blah. We end up in a huge argument about it, last night he was going to the garage to get fags I asked him to get milk and bread he said no he only had £2.50 for fags as he isnt touching the ither money, when I told him that was out of order he just stuck his finger up at me right in my face told me too fuck off and shut the door behind him. Sorry for ranting but am fuming the more Im thinking about it.

OP posts:

StellaWasADiver · 08/08/2008 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 11:46

I swear too I'm no angel but I would never allow swearing around DS.

As I said it's not all the time he's like that just when we start talking bout money or something. I'd love to know why he's burying his head in the sand but I can' t get through to him. His mum told him he's totally entitled to take money every week after all he does work 40 hours a week and I sit at home all day with DS. Like thats not work?!? Just because she never looked after her children doesnt mean I do the same. Sorry that woman angers me!!

OP posts:

duomonstermum · 08/08/2008 11:51

are you sure you're getting the right money?? i'm just trying to remember but with the numbers you are showing i think it should be more. i think we used to get a bit more then that when i was working too and i was on around the same money as you. i'd get back to TC and get them to check the numbers. and you can change the account cos you're allowed to nominate the account you want it paid into.

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 11:54

I dunnoe I'm just going along by what they tell us obviously.

I really do care about him but don't know if I can put up with him being so selfish and I don't want my DS to be without his dad because he just loves him.

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 08/08/2008 11:59

Go here to check out how much you should be getting.

So He is keeping the £14 WTC, £20 CTC and £30 out of his wages? What does he need £64 a week for?

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:12

VS I get the child tax credit so I get that £20 but again goes straight to paying off something.

He has £44 a week we go to Glasgow to visit friends/family every few monbths and apparently he's saving so him and his mate can go to the footbal. But he said he wasnt spending of the £14 to get milk last nite! But he bought fags?

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 08/08/2008 12:21

So, it's not really a money issue, it's a priorities matter.

IMO, bread and milk come before cigarettes, but then I don't smoke, I know some people would say it's not that simple to just not buy cigarettes, but if it's a choice between cigarettes or milk and bread then milk and bread it should be, if he is so determined not to spend that money he is saving he should stop buying cigarettes.

Tortington · 08/08/2008 12:24

cigs deffo come before bread

ok i have a different take on the matter
YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

you should kick yourself in the fanjo for being thick enough to put up with this shit

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:30

[Hmm] intelectual response as usual Custardo.

I smoke too but always only buy if I have a spare couple of quid at the end of the week and I only smoke about 5 a day and only really when Im at work. I need a new bloody job!

OP posts:

VinegarTits · 08/08/2008 12:33

pmsl @ custy

Tortington · 08/08/2008 12:35

oooooooooh

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:37

LOL.

That post wasnt meant all ahdnbags at dawn custardo am just not in a particularily jhokey mood.

I HATE MY LIFE!!!!

OP posts:

Tortington · 08/08/2008 12:39

VinegarTits · 08/08/2008 12:42

TheProvincialLady · 08/08/2008 12:44

Look it's no good coming on here and moaning about this kind of behaviour, then putting up with it in RL. You might live in a rough area but do you want your children knowing that their father thinks it is ok to pull the finger at their mother, and that he is in charge of how much money she spends per week? And that she is not allowed to talk about it with him as he will shut down and swear at her?

You need to sort out the finances together, so that all the money is under both your control and so that you are paying off your debts. You need to tell him that you will no longer put up with the swearing/genstures. If you let things go continue as they are then they will only get worse.

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:44

I know going by my earlier word of ahdnbag whatever that mean LOL VT what is a handbang?

OP posts:

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:47

Provincial did you actually read the thread?

He's not incharge of the money I am but he seems to think it's okay to keep some for himself when normally I wouldnt have a problem with it but we need to get our debts paid off. And my DS doesn't see his dad acting like this and we moved away from the rough area as soon as I found out I was pregnant. We lived in Glasgow now live in the Highlands.

OP posts:

2point4kids · 08/08/2008 12:49

I'm not so sure he is being unreasonable about the money to be honest.
He gets £44 a week and you get all the rest.
Ok you pay all the bills etc out of that, but you still have enough left over to get taxis and buy yourself cigarettes and probably other little treats too.
If he wants to save his £44 a week for football rather than use on little things throughout the week like you, then fair enough!

His swearing and sticking his fingers up at you though is just pathetic.
I'd be having serious words about that behaviour!

Eilatan · 08/08/2008 12:51

Kick him in the nuts? I'd chop em off! In fact I will if you tell me when and where! Anyone want to join me?

Seriously - work out your household budget and ensure that it covered...set up a joint account that is ONLY for housekeeping/family and you both pay half into it...then there's no debate over who pays what... any surplus, there isn't much, never is, for leisure. We have a basic joint account with no cheque or debit card for household...our own accounts do all the whizzy things. The joint account pays dd/so all the bills and at the weekend we write a shopping list and take out the money we need based on last week's bill first the market, then nettos...then tescos for nappies and other bits for babe. It's very boring but it works, we're never short of essentials and utilities. After years of being reckless of money I don't recognise myself! I still duck and dive a bit with the credit cards in order to get to festivals etc BUT we have what we need to look after our kid. Talk to your bloke. It's dull and boring but it's life and he needs to get on with it.

Hope you're getting all your benefits and tax cretits too?

Best wishes

TheProvincialLady · 08/08/2008 12:53

Yes I did actually read the thread and I did actually take the time to reply, sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick about where you liveI can see that you both have the same charm and manners. Suit yourself love it's your life.

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:54

2point4 kids I have £15 a week for taxis to get home from work in the morning because its a long walk and If I didnt he'd get the sack so not so much a treat as a must have unless you can walk almost 2 miles in 10 mins of course.

Also I smoke 20 fags a week so if theres any money left over I use that and thats all I get. He buys lunch at work everyday because he doesnt want to take anything, buys 10 fags everyday and buys dvd's or games for xbox. I would hardly say thats fair.

Thats the point I dont have any money bar what I need for work so £20 a week and I need that unless he wants to get sacked.

OP posts:

2point4kids · 08/08/2008 12:59

Write down the exact amount of money you have coming in each week.
Write down ALL your bills and everything else that you need to pay.
Write a weekly shopping budget (and make sure you stick to it each week)
If taxis are only a necessity because he needs you to get back home quickly then add that to the list (unless he can walk to meet you with your children and then go straight to work while you walk home or something?)

The amount of money that is left over each week should then be obvious.
If its £88 or more, then he is fair enough to keep his £44 and spend it on what he wants.

If the amount left over is less than it needs to be split equally between the two of you.

If you write it all down in black and white then he will have to see he is being unfair.

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 12:59

Yes yes Provincial thank you for you input.

Eilatan As far as I know we are getting everything we should be benefits wise. I did think about a joint account but don't know if I could trust him with it
All the direct Debits come out of my account bout £550 a month. So all of my wages are gone straight away then some of his then shopping, gas and electric on top of that. Plus any unnexpected costs.

Too much outgoing and not enough ingoing.

OP posts:

Original poster

mamadiva · 08/08/2008 13:02

We did try that with the taxis Provincial but his work is opposite direction from where he'd have to meet me IYKWIM and DS goes to nursery so I can go for a sleep after nightshift and nursery doesnt open until 8am.

Si=orry for rambling on.

OP posts:

VinegarTits · 08/08/2008 13:03

mamadiva i think that was rather rude towards LP, she was only trying to help and i think she had a valid point in her post.

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