to be annoyed at DH's lack of clearing up after himself when i go away?

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

i went on holiday last sunday, DH joined me wednesday night. Before I left he thought I was going to nag about making sure the flat was nice when he left, but I wasn't and didn't because I usually do and have decided it's unfair to nag in advance. We come back on Sunday and the flat is a tip - he got back an hour before me and had run a washing up bowl for stuff he'd clearly left out from Monday night (he didn't leave til wednesday), not even the bed was made and his dirty washing was all over the living room....stupidly I just got on and tidied and was fuming and his response was "are you going to carry on humphing and puffing all evening" - which I dind't respond to cos I just didn't have the energy to argue. He didn't even say thank you after I'd spent 2 hours cleaning up after him and packing away our holiday stuff - and I'm 6 months pregnant! grrrrrrrrrr men

YANBU. My dh does bugger all if I'm around but when I'm not he does keep the house clean and tidy.

Huff away

YABU Your DH is a man. What do you expect

next time you go away. leave the detaisl for a cleaning service to do a quick hours tidy. get them to take away his dirty clothes too.

then when they drop it off. exchange with the holiday clothes to get sent away too.

1 hours tidy and the ironing isn't all that expensive for a one off.

YANBU. Tell him in no uncertain words that he is an adult and is responsible for cleaning up his own mess. It took many of such convos with my DH but he has now firmly got the message. He is obviously still a man and shares many problems about domestic standards but that's different from being a lazy toad.

NO to the cleaning service - he is an adult. YES to the telling him he IS an adult.

A Y chromosome does not IME rule out basic cleanliness.

Don't touch his washing! It's his!

whats wrong with cleaning service if he can afford it. she'd get the holiday washing/ironing done too?? i hate coming back to that.

my dp does the same and i always take it apon myself to tidy up then get the hump but he didnt ask me to do it i chose to do it

now i say im getting in the bath can you please clean up after yourself for when i get ou tthen we can relax

on a bad day i storm around saying how i feel like the help and unsure of what my actual role is in the family apart from his slave

I'm with Dittany. I would have walked, in seen the the mess and then turned and said "right lazy, crack on! I'm going shopping and this place had better be tidy wehn I get back in 3 hours" Then I would wander off to a nice cafe or friends house and let him get on with it. Many men will be selfish * if you let them, so don't!

you're all so right - it's just really annoying because I normally tell him before I go I expect it to look decent when I come back and normally he does - but he made such a song and dance about how I always anticipate by telling him what to do before he has a chance to do it himself I actually thought he'd sort it out without my advance-nagging! or at least apologise when we got home rather than being grumpy about it!

good, glad I'm right, I knew I was....

send him your bill......... nice foot massage at local spa? new shoes? pretty smock to cover your growing bump

it sounds to me like she's been on his case for a long time about cleaning up after himself. think if he's not got the idea by now she needs to look at alternatives.

i guess i just got on with it because otherwise it wouldn't get done and I was too knackered to row about it, which we would have done because he was clearly guilty about it but turned it into being moody rather than just getting on with it...to be honest I think getting a cleaning service in would make it worse (and we can't afford it)

am also annoyed at myself for just doing it rather than telling him to! grrr can be such a sap sometimes

dont waste your breath. if cant afford cleaner, i'd go with dittany.

walk back out and leave it to him.

he has cleaned up whilst I've been away before now...and I try that whole "oh thank you darling I really appreciate it" lark, so thought this time maybe he'd just do it himself...ok, you're all right though, need to nip it in the bud before 1) he expects me to do it (which I don't think he did when he left to be fair) and 2) I'm expected to run around after him AND a baby

it's our anniversary today - will make sure I order the most expensive non-alcoholic drink when I meet up with him later!

and chocolates!!

If you had just left his clothes on the floor would he of picked them up eventually?

kslatts oh god here we go - I normally pick them up anyway so I've no idea if he would eventually do it himself...am changing title of my post from AIBU to Am I Being a Mug

lol at this, because i wasthinking of starting a very similar thread

my dd is 3 and i work 3 days a week, i do all the childcare/.dropping at nursery and picking up, all the laundry, cleaning, tidying, cooking, ironing, filing, finacial stuff, organsising holidays etc etc, shopping - basically everything

he goes to work full time - but he is a full grown adult who should be abelt o do basic things like putting away his own bank statements, putting his own rubbish in the bin, picking up his dirty clothes and putting them in the washing basket

admittedly he does put dd to bed a couple of times week and somtimes washes up

and he will empty the bin in the kitchen if i specifically ask him to

i am unhappy about it but unsure how to change it as up til now i have (grumpily) just done it for him when i see it needs doing.

thsi week it has really pissed me off as he used the toilet and didnt bother to have a swish round wiht the bursh (evewn tho he should if you know what i mean) I just think this is becoming total disrespect on his patrt, he leaves his pnts on the bedroom floor, every day, he leves coins all round the house, he doesnt put away his post, he never lrars up his own stuff.

but i can see that it is partly my fault, for doing it too long, we were together 7 years before dd and i did all this despite workin full time, although he rpobably did a bit more to help, i think he thinks that just because i now work part time and have school holidays off I should do everything

we are doign the house up at the moment so i know he is tired but surely it isnt unreasonable to ask him to do basic things that are his own personal things

sorry to have jumped on board and had such a long rant - might just get it out of my system and avoid an argument later

i aslo make his sandwiches for him to take to work, and mine too, he has never done this

he does make me a cup of tea some mornings and bring it up and when he wakes dd having his shower he sits her infront of the tv so i can stay in bed for 10 more minutes if its my day off (he leave house at 7am)

gingernut.

i do all this stuff you mention as i'm SAHM.

but if you were to leave you dh home alone for a couple of days would he do absolutely nothing like op's. we're talking not even washing dishes at all?

Stop doing them then Ginger.

well, since you ask .... me and dd are going away for 6 days with my mum while he does some messy stuff at the house so we will see

i have never not been there to do it so we will see

i left his pants in the middle of the floor all day, dd told him off when he got in.
He put them away.

i plan to continue not doing these things and just say to him somthing like by the way, your filing is on the desk all in one place so you can put it away

dont want to argue with him about it and am thinking the best way forward with things like this is to politely point out that he needs to do somthing and leave him to do it girlwiththemousyhair do you think this would work with your dh??